Is this really normal? ( Postpartum hallucination)

[EverybodyKnowsThatYoureInsane]

My baby is nearly 16 weeks and since birth I'm constantly hallucinating or dreaming that she is in the bed with me - often being smothered by the covers. I get convinced the a particular lump of duvet or a pillow is her. Either I can clearly see her shape & even her Face in the folds of the bedding or I can see it "breathing". Normally both.

I know it's not just dreams because I quite often have conversations with DH about it. When I do dream she is sinking deeper into non existent layers of the bed where I can't get her out.

In the early days we took it in shifts to sleep downstairs with the baby. When I was supposed to be catching up on sleep I would always end up texting my DH to ask if she was ok. Or go the top of the stairs and look down to check she's asleep and breathing. Otherwise I could not convince myself she wasn't in the bed.

A few months ago we moved her to sleeping in the next-to-me ( snuzpod) in our room. So now when this happens I can see her and touch her and know that she is in her bed... And yet I still feel like there's a baby in my bed. When DH has noticed he has been unable to convince me that ( for example) a pillow is not "breathing,,". Eventually I will gently squeeze out the particular piece of bedding until I can prove to myself that there is no baby in there.

One time DH came to bed late. I woke up thinking that a pillow in the middle of the bed with the baby and shouted at him not to crush her. He said " She's in her bed" and I looked and of course she was but still thinking that the baby was the pillow turned around to see him basically body slam it. My soul left my body for a good few minutes! Another time. DH caught me" phantom feeding" one breast to the other breast thinking my left boob was my baby.

I started removing anything from the bed that caused this experience. Now I sleep with just a blanket over me. But this morning I thought that the trim and stitching on the end of the blanket look like her feet and off it went again.

I suppose I just want to anonymously share this to get this out my system. A midwife said to me this was actually quite normal. That was in the early days. Since then I haven't met anyone who relates to it.

Has anyone experienced similar? Willing to admit I might just be crazy.

I had the same with my DS but I have always been a sleep walker/activity/talker etc etc. My DS was seven weeks old when I grabbed him from the cot by the bed convinced he was freezing and was rubbing his back frantically to warm him up (it was a heatwave in June). He was pretty much sleeping through and because of me worrying I'd be a danger to him we moved him to his own room next door at that point. Worry, hormones, lack of sleep do strange things. It will get better and I'm sure go back to your normal (my normal is not normal, hence why I say it like that!).

It happened to me a couple of times but I had RAGING post natal anxiety which I struggled to admit to anyone. With hindsight, I wished I had mentioned it to my HV…

So yes, does happen but please tell someone.

I had horrendous hallucinations for months. But like pp I also had the worst PPA and intrusive thoughts, so I think it was my brain’s way of freaking me out because I was constantly worried.

It was absolute hell if I’m honest so I have so much sympathy for you. I started a pretty high dose of citalopram which after the initial couple of weeks of it being awful it really, really helped.

I was off meds by the time Dd was 1 and never needed them again.

I had that a few time sin the first few months. My husband did too and used to jump up in bed convinced the baby was in his arms.
It was only with my first child. Think it is related to the trauma of birth combined with lack of sleep and life changes.
Very normal and will stop.

My husband experienced this and still talks about how frightening it was.

Yup, pretty common I think

I had this but not as severe as yours sounds. I think if you're worried you should definitely speak to someone about it again. It seems to be having a huge impact on you.

As well as thinking the baby was in the bed I always used to hear the baby crying when I was in the shower. My brain just turned the white noise of the shower into a baby crying. I'd end up rushing through showers as fast as possible.

Yes I had this and it was really annoying because even when DD was sleeping I kept waking up stressed that she was in the bed and I'd be clutching a pillow/the duvet in a panic thinking it was her or she was under it.

Yes has happened to me. However that doesn't make it something you just have to live with. It is really distressing and worth speaking to your HV about. I think i had a problem with anxiety at that stage but didn't want to say.

I was same as @RedSnowflake. Extremely unwell with post natal anxiety. Some days still am and she's four.

Yep, I had exactly this with my first! Kept “losing” her in the covers when she was in her cot. My second had some health issues at birth so I swear I will have seen his surgical site looking inflamed or sore in the night and then I check it in the morning and it’s totally fine, I must have dreamt it. But it feels so real and I wake up ready to call the doctors to get it checked.

I think this is a common nightmare that new parents often. But this is happening to you regularly and causing ongoing issues for you (stress, preventing you from sleeping). It’s worth a call to your health visitor or a trip to your GP to see if they can help you at all.

Reading your title I was going to say no, postnatal hallucinations aren't normal and are a very serious warning sign that you should mention to a HCP ASAP, but then you said it's about the baby being in the bed - this is really really common.

My theory is that biologically/evolutionarily we are wired to cosleep so when we aren't cosleeping, we're on edge because it's like our body "expects" the baby to be there and when we're in our unconscious, half-awake-half-asleep brain we are there attending to them and looking for them so the panic kicks in when we don't find them.

It's known that cosleeping mums are constantly checking on the baby while half asleep, adjusting coverings, relatching, checking their position, reassuring them. I know that when I coslept with my babies I tended to find I was quite in tune with them, would wake up just before they did, would wake up if they were ill or about to be sick etc.

NO harm in mentioning it anyway, just in case they can suggest anything to help, but that's where I think it comes from. A leftover instinct that we don't know how to use.

OMG yes the phantom shower crying, that's horrible.

Actually, having reread your OP, I think I agree with others that it does sound more extreme than the usual thinking there is a phantom baby in the bed. I would speak to your GP or health visitor and express that they are distressing and preventing you from sleeping.

I had this alongside awful PPA and PND. It was horrible. I've also always sleeptalked / walked etc so am a very active sleeper. I did mention to my HV and as i was already having CBT for the PND, she advised to watch and see if it improved (which it did as i got better and DD started sleeping through the night more). But if you haven't told anyone in real life, i really would encourage you to do so just in case it is a symptom of something else developing.

I had this with my first baby. I’d wake up in the middle of the night convinced he was under the blankets or that I was holding him… I put it down to tiredness and new mum worry.

Do see your GP if you’re feeling anxious a lot of the time though .

Yes! Still happens now and again and they're far past the baby stage. I think it's the constant worry that comes along with having kids, your mind can never be totally at rest ever again.

For me it was whenever I walked down the stairs I would see me falling with baby, or often I'd see in my mind's eye someone bashing baby's head against a wall. It brought tears to my eyes just remembering these things.

We both had this, it was horrible. Looking back, I had awful post natal anxiety but was too scared to talk about it. See your GP if you're feeling anxious a lot of the time 💐

I would say yours is definitely at the severe end of the spectrum but, yes, every night I would think the babies were in the bed with us. It's an awful feeling but I wouldn't say I ever had it where I would see the baby in the bed, it was more just that I would wake up in a complete panic that I hadn't put her back in her next to me.

Yes I had this a lot, particularly with my first.

My DS is 6 months and I still occasionally think he's in the bed with me! I woke my DP up patting his head looking for baby recently! It was really bad in the early days. I also hallucinated other things in the first few days, but that was from exhaustion.
However, as a pp said, you do seem to be at the more extreme end of what is normal. I'm sure it will get better with time.

As others have said, a certain amount of this is really common. But it sounds like you’re experiencing quite an extreme version, and it’s really impacting you. Definitely worth talking to the GP about how you’re feeling and the impact it’s having on you.

Yup - had this too and for me it was strongly related to lack of sleep, so improved once baby stopped waking multiple times a night. I still have this now and occasionally end up feeling to see if DH is in bed, as I think he's a different lump!