Question for SAHMs

[Mamabear04]

I've decided to cut down my hours at work quite drastically after returning from mat leave with DC2. I have 2 kids 4y and 15m. DC1 is at nursery in the afternoon and DC2 naps 11.30-1/1.30pm. My question is how do you structure your days/week? I'm finding it a bit hard to get outside with DC in the mornings at the moment mainly because of the bad weather/winter bugs starting. I'm also finding it tricky to keep on top of housework etc (even with DH help!) Could someone more experienced give me some advice as to how to do this SAHM thing better?!

Hey, playgroups are your friend. I’ve found one for most days and you don’t have to pay termly do it doesn’t matter if they are sick. I also have a huge box of craft bits if the weather is appalling although most days I do get them out. Also I’d organise play dates where you can. For general house stuff if you can get a cleaner do that, it’s such a help. Looking after two small children is a job in itself Xx

But you say you've cut down your working hours, not that you've become a SAHP -- which is it? Because my first question is which hours you now work, and whether they're from home or in a workplace, because other things need to fall into place around that.

@MamaD2207 I've tried a couple of toddler groups but it seems DC1 is just so much older than the other kids (average age is about 2y). Would it be a bit odd to take a newly turned 4yo?

@DressingRoom I am with the kids 5 days a week apart from one evening a week when DH finishes work at 4pm and does the nursery pick up/dinner/bed. I sometimes work the odd morning here and there but it's ad hoc and not every week. DC1 has 3 afternoons in nursery, 1 day with DGP and then I have both kids for 1 full day a week. DC2 is always with me. So not fully SAHM but basically am apart from I work one evening.

Although maybe I have the definition of a SAHM wrong, I know mumsnet can be very precise with terminology!

One evening a week makes you pretty much a SAHM!

Afternoon sessions can make the day awkward, as you are clock watching.

With a toddler, housework beyond dishwasher, laundry and toy pick up can only really be done during nap time, but this is also breather time. So its complex.

4yos are an awkward age for playgroups as most are at nursery. I took mine to a music group once a week, maybe the art group, but not just a playing group. (When Sure Start existed unfortunately, so this was £1 a session at most).

Other wise it was park, library or the woods. Supermarket as well. Otherwise... playing at home around nursery.

Do a toddler group on your day with 15mo if you can.

Do you have any places like Maggie and Rose near you? Much more cost effective with more than 1 child and they’re quite good for multi ages? I only have 1 child who’s 2 so my routine is probably of no help to you! But I agree with a PP outsource any cleaning you can!

Can your oldest go to a morning nursery session instead?

That way you are all up dressed and out early. You may find it easier to then go and do something with your little one, collect oldest on way home & then little one naps and you spend one on one time with oldest /let them watch tv or play while you get stuff done.

I am sahm to 3 and getting up and out for school means this is sort of the routine I have fallen into.

I agree with playgroups, libraries, park, woods, walks etc

I have a bigger age gap so my eldest was almost at school when DC2 was born. But with both of them I've kept up a daily schedule of classes (music, swimming, dance, gymnastics) or baby/toddler group. Then snack, something more unscheduled and free like library, playground or farm. Lunch then nap, school run to collect eldest, dcs play together at home and then it's dinner time.

Most classes we do are termly booking so my dc sees the same kids regularly and it forces us to get out regardless of rain and coughs/colds. They do tend to be more structured with small age brackets though so trickier with 2 dc. But there are lots of activities which are for a general age group of under-5s, although they are less structured than classes. We still have lots of children's centres here, and some independently run music sessions. When I have my 2 dc together they tend to go to things like soft play, swimming, zoo, playgrounds.

Not a sahm technically but on mat leave with second atm so might as well be! I have a mental list of free / cheap places to go - library, garden centres are great in the run up to Xmas, shopping centre, cheap soft play, play cafes. Maybe look for a forest school type playgroup as my experience is more older kids at outdoorsy things like this. We literally get out every single morning, rain or shine. Then home for nap, nursery and maybe book in something like swimming or music class a couple of afternoons for 15mo if you can afford it. Afternoon sessions are often less popular so should find spaces! We also have set tv times - when I'm getting us ready to go out, when baby is going down for a nap, when I'm doing dinner because a) cbeebies is your friend and b) it saves arguments as she knows when is and isn't tv time.

Be great if your 4 year old had nursery in the morning getting picked up at 1.30 after little ones nap. Then your afternoon is free to plan activities like meet a friend/ visit gps/ library/ even supermarket can be a distraction for little ones. I would do one solid hour of housework during nap time and take an hour for myself to chill.
But your day is ruined by afternoon nursery. Can you change?

The toddler group I go to have everything from newborns (usually younger siblings) to going to school age and during teacher strikes anyone including the organisers teenaged kids

I'm not a sahm but I have had a couple long breaks from work due to ill health. Finding something to frame the day around makes a difference too me and I need to hear other people's voices. Prechild that might have been watching morning TV post child it's listening to some radio shows. I personally favour the soothing tones of radio 4 and the fact I can listen and whilst supporting my daughter with half an hour of independent play helps.

Get some time outside most days if possible, with the days shortening I'm trying to do this more and have started walking more on errands.

Routine, routine, routine.

Look at TOMM for cleaning. Use every trick to make things easier, slow cooker, online food shopping, robot hoover.

It’s difficult at those ages. I assume it’s easier to be out. We we’re in lock down. I would have 2 or 3 things you do every week eg Monday - library, Wed - church play group, Friday - food shopping to push round little trolley to buy one or two things followed by a treat in the cafe.