Feel like a bad mother as I don’t take many pics nor share them?

[Morag829]

Hi
I have 4 beautiful kids and not many photos of them. I probably take photos maybe twice a week if that. If we’re going out I might take a few but my phone often remains off in my pocket because I enjoy the solitude, I’ve had issues in the past of somewhat being “addicted” to my phone and ignoring people to scroll endlessly so I make it a habit to switch it off. For example at the pumpkin patch the other day I took perhaps 3 photos then switched it off. I had a new baby 6 weeks ago and although I have individual photos of children with baby, none of them all together.

I was in a very serious DV relationship who is my eldest father, 8 years later and he still makes fake accounts to message and threaten me on. For this reason and because I just don’t feel comfortable, I don’t post any photos to social media. There’s perhaps a few of my children as babies but that’s it. I still haven’t posted my newborn nor did I announce the pregnancy so only family and close friends know I had another child. I watch my friends upload photos of their children’s first day at school, photos of their kids daily, photos of their kids birthdays, even photos of what their kids are eating or what they’re baking, every aspect of their life, I won’t lie a little part of me does feel left out that I can’t post like that but I don’t think I’d want to either.

I guess I’m more upset that I’m comparing myself to these people and feeling like a rubbish mum for not doing what they do, it’s really causing me to have mum guilt just because I don’t share images of them, I don’t even know if that makes sense. I also don’t take a lot of photos of them for my own personal photo collection which upsets me and I’d love to know if anyone has any ideas on how to make a conscious effort to take more photos of them?

I mean is it really that important to document your child’s daily life through pictures? Is it ok just to go out or do an activity and not take any?
does anybody else here not upload photos to social media and not take many photos?

i am not meaning to sound disrespectful or sarcastic to mums that do post and take lots of photos, it’s just making me reflect and feel lots of guilt for not doing so.

I think it's entirely up to you, I don't see why you would feel guilty if you've chosen not to take photos.

Personally I'm largely absent from social media so I never share photos through social media. I do have some online photo albums that I share with a small number of family members who live abroad, and I know they really love seeing them. I like photography and take hundreds of photos of my dc, but it's not for anyone else to see, I just love to look back on them remember what we did, and to show the dc what they were like as well. I have 2 girls and I often look back at DC1's photos when she was at the same age as DC2 is now.

My PILs are more like you and they hardly ever take photos. And I do think it's a shame as we don't have that many pictures of DH as a child.

No, quite the opposite!! You are in the moment! Much better than having a phone in their face all the time. I take photos of my kids every now and then but try to keep most things in my memory bank, where it matters, and really engage with them rather than trying to get photos of everything to impress/bore other people with. How good a parent you are has absolutely fuck all to do with how many photos you take

I never share pictures of us online. You never know where they might end up.

I think you’re being a good mum. You are engaged with your kids, they don’t need photos of themselves.

@floppybit and @DustyLee123
are absolutely correct
I used to feel guilty that I hadn’t got any of these studio photos that people got of their children years ago before mobile phones.

I love taking pictures of my kids, mainly for me to look back on as they get older. But there's no need to share anything online if you don't feel comfortable doing so.

I am the same. Take a handful of photos if at an event or on a day out and then that's it. Will take photos if they look especially lovely or funny or something.

I have never posted photos of them online. I think it's wrong.

I print all photos out and put them in photo albums that the kids love looking through.

No, I don’t think you should be sharing everything single aspect of your child’s life, online, through photos. A child cannot agree, cannot consent to having these images posted on social media, so why would you do it? You have these entire accounts of parents posting images of their children, from their first ultrasound, through out their childhoods, documenting everything they do, for everyone to see. How is that acceptable? And once these images are out there, so often you can’t get them back, you, and more importantly your child have no control over this. It’s an invasion of their privacy for internet points. It’s wrong. If my mother did this to me as a child I would probably resent her for life.

Twice a week is plenty.

Not sharing the photos is good parenting, both in terms of respecting your child’s privacy and setting them a good example about taking care online.

I think you sound like a great mum. They would much rather you concentrated on them in the moment. I have seen children being made to endlessly pose for photos and it seems so sad.

I know a family who never put photos of their children online in any context. They argue that it is not their right to do so as the children are too young to give consent.

Back when I was a child photos were far more limited due to the cost of films and developing them afterwards. I don't think we were disadvantaged in any way, but social media has changed that. And not necessarily for the better.

Twice a week is actually quite a lot - far more than we could afford to take in the days of using precious film.

My parents took pictures on holidays and some days out plus a very occasional everyday photo.

We still have plenty of photos to look back on.

Actually being with your children, sharing the moment, engaging in conversation is way more important and better parenting than constantly shoving a phone in their face.

I take loads of pics but only for me , people close to us family and close friends to be sent. I've never posted my kids online.
It's a personal opinion but my thoughts are the world and certainly the internet is full of a lot of sick and weird individuals and also that they haven't consented to their pictures going online

You take more photos than me and I don't think I'm a bad mum. I also don't post about them on social media and feel similar feelings when comparing myself to the majority(?) who do.
It's just not me though, I don't think it matters, though I do feel like an oddball for it. But I bet there's loads of us, you just don't see us! 😁

I used to post on social media but stopped a good few years ago now as I questioned why I really did it. Certainly not for the kids! I still take photos though, I only took 4 pumpkin picking and then put phone away - to fair how many can you take of that activity! I would make an effort to get a photo of all of your kids together though. Why wouldn’t you? Not for social media but for you and the kids to look back on when you’re older.

I would rather take one lovely photo that I cherish than a 100 that are just overwhelming

We do a photobook every Christmas I think last year we uploaded 300-350 to pick through. It probably covered the majority of the photos me, my partner and all relatives had taken over the year