Why can't my baby put herself to sleep

[Junebugbaby]

DD is 8 months old, until recently she was breastfed to sleep at night and for all naps. We've also managed to get her to sleep by rocking sometimes. She just can't get herself to sleep, we've tried so many times putting her in her cot awake but drowsy, fully awake, nearly asleep but she always just cries until we lift her.
It's now taking longer and longer rocking or feeding to get her to fall asleep in our arms so we can put her in the cot. She wakes every HR and a half the whole process starts again. Anyone have any advice?

Either controlled crying or just carrying on as you are. You've either got to leave her long enough so she starts figuring out how to self soothe or ride out the impending sleep regression and then teach her how to self soothe

It’s normal, nothing weird about it. My first was the same.

At some point you need to decide you’re going to stop trying to get her to sleep at night. It’s up to you how you do it - some do sleep training or controlled crying which I dare say does work.

For mine, I moved with her onto a mattress in her bedroom floor and for a couple of week lay there every evening while she rolled around until she fell asleep. Then we moved her into the cot and my partner took over, and she’d roll around there until she went to sleep.

She’s just turned 5 and I just put her to bed. Bath, watched her play Sylvanian families for 5 minutes, kiss and hug and left the room. I’ll probably see her again at 7am.

Moral of the story is, one day you’ll have your evenings again. Good luck, whatever you try.

The only thing that worked for mine was placing them down in the cot, but keeping a hand on their chest and soothing them to sleep that way. So, never picking them up, but still being there to reassure, with physical contact and hushing sounds. It definitely helped with the transition and didn't last too long before they could settle themselves.

Can you get a chair next to her cot so when she cries you reach through and stroke her head/back while quietly talking to her instead of picking her up. Start reducing the talking and/or touching time but stay there. Eventually just hearing your voice in her room saying shuuusshhhh time for sleep will stop her crying. It does mean sitting in the dark with only a nightlight or landing light.

This is what I did with my two. Took about a fortnight of refusing to pick her up but staying quietly with her in the dark. You are providing security and reassurance with your presence but you are boring enough too.

you have to transition her from being fed / held to being alone in cot eg hand on her chest while you lay there / sit by her. She will cry but you soothe via above methods. Once that works you slowly withdraw input over time. It takes time. This is normal, she is a baby.

For the same reason that she can't walk, hold a conversation, control when she pees or thread a needle. She's a baby, and while some learn to sleep unassisted from a young age, most don't and and it's annoying and exhausting, but also absolutely normal.

With my first I tried so many times and methods to get her to self sooth but nothing worked until she was ready, which was nearly 3 years old. With my second I decided that it wasn't worth getting stressed about and he's getting there now (he's 3), I just lye next to him until he starts to settle then leave him drousey.

The Ferber method worked wonders for us. We were in the same boat as you. All you can do is try (if you want to). Of course, every baby is different, and DD will get there eventually!

For us, it worked really well, DS was finally able to have a decent sleep and it has been so beneficial to everyone in our home. Took about 5 days, we were very lucky though.

Exactly that. You're expecting behaviour of a toddler or preschooler.

She'll get it in time but right now, she's programmed to keep you close. It's a survival mechanism.

Sadly humans aren't programmed to sleep alone. How many times do you hear adults saying how hard they find it to sleep when their partner is away? I think part of the job of a parent is to sooth a baby to sleep until they're old enough to be happy being left. One of my DGC did that from birth, one still likes company to fall asleep at the age of 9.

I've just rocked my 19 month old to sleep!

She doesn’t know how but you can teach her if you want to.

I used the pick up put down method to teach my baby how to self settle.

Don’t leave her to cry, she’s 8 months old. Your baby can’t put herself to sleep because she’s 8 months old. There is nothing strange, sorry but you are expecting too much.
feed her to sleep or cuddle her to sleep, whatever works best. It is not forever. Babies and toddlers wake throughout the night, it’s not unusual or anything to do with their personality that needs fixing

I’m currently sat by my 20 month olds cot as she sucks her thumb. So close….but not quite asleep. We find a loud white noise machine really helps her stay asleep or she will go back to sleep on her own if she rouses in the night. We lost the charger briefly and it was horrific so proved we still do need it 😂. We have a dream egg.

Same here, eldest DD was around 3.5 before we could leave her. After stopping BF at 16 months we used to hold her to sleep til around 2.5 then after that we were able to just sit by her bed.
Youngest DD is currently 2.5 and likes us in the room, although sometimes when we leave her to try she does go (usually only if she's not had a nap so is super tired!)
I just figure it's for a relatively small amount of time, they will get it eventually. So I agree - don't stress OP, just do what you have to do!

Oh and to add, we did try controlled crying with DD1 with no luck. Wouldn't want to with the second as it would keep her big sister awake!

I just cuddled my 3.5yo to sleep. if you're happy to lean into the feeding and/or rocking to sleep then carry on. if that's not working for you, you could try habit stacking (Lindsey Hookway) to encourage more independent sleep. (although I think that is a paradox!)

Because she’s a baby. Totally normal. You are her safe place and naturally she wants to sleep where you are. Yes, you can teach her not to but you certainly don’t have to. Even if you do nothing it won’t last forever.

My eldest was a brilliant independent sleeper. My second preferred to sleep in my arms for months and constantly had to be fed back to sleep. At 13 months he’s slowly getting better - if I try and feed or rock him to sleep now he gets agitated and wants his own space. He is still breastfed. He still briefly wakes in the night a couple of times but I’m glad I didn’t sleep train. They all get there in the end, in their own time, but that’s not to say it’s not difficult some days.

I have just left my two year old after feeding and then rocking to sleep.

Why oh why don't antenatal classes (or even school!) teach parents to be that babies and toddlers are not small adults.

My boy was similar, he’s 9 months now and has slightly outgrown that, I do think it’s a big developmental age and regressions happen a lot. We moved from rocking (stood up swaying) and feeding sometimes to now just holding him and patting him sometimes. Try to do it in the cot but doesn’t work so we are just going with it. Sometimes in the night if he wakes (we feed him once in the night) I watch on the monitor he picks a dummy up and rolls over and back to sleep. Doesn’t happen often but sometimes so this is a step towards it I think without us doing anything as such. I tried controlled crying but it was too much for us

she's 9 months old she doesn't know how to. she just wants her mom.