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Original poster

Resistant child

11 replies

treeoakkez · 21/10/2023 12:54

Hi everyone,
My DS is 3 and a half, currently attends preschool. Been going for a year.
Anyone else experience a child which doesn't like doing anything he's asked or ignores you and turns his back.
My DS is not joining in with there group play only selected activities. So transitions is a challenge.
I'm getting worried as primary school is approaching with how he is going to cope as he won't sit when asked and can be quite destructive as in launching cars or any toy he has in his hand. Then have a complete anger meltdown.
Hence today he is extremely challenging as no preschool today it's thrown him into this state of mind.
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Bananasinpyjamas1988 · 21/10/2023 12:59

Is it all activities or just a type of activity? Eg very tough to get my son to take part in crafts. Does he have any SEN?

BoohooWoohoo · 21/10/2023 13:06

My children had activities that they preferred and ones that they avoided but would speak to an adult when spoken to and would listen to their instructions so it wasn't flagged as a problem.

So my son would gravitate to the activities outside like the sand pit or the water table inside and never painted. If an adult there asked him to sit down for story time then he'd obey the instruction.

It's very common for kids to behave better for teachers than parents. (It's not clear who he's not listening to- you or the teacher?)

Original poster
treeoakkez · 21/10/2023 13:23

Bananasinpyjamas1988 · 21/10/2023 12:59

Is it all activities or just a type of activity? Eg very tough to get my son to take part in crafts. Does he have any SEN?

It's selected activity so, he will join in specific song and walk away and refuse to engage. Anything to do with numbers counting he will happily join in. Or if he is engrossed in something he will behave like you don't exist. He has got SEN yes.

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Original poster
treeoakkez · 21/10/2023 13:24

BoohooWoohoo · 21/10/2023 13:06

My children had activities that they preferred and ones that they avoided but would speak to an adult when spoken to and would listen to their instructions so it wasn't flagged as a problem.

So my son would gravitate to the activities outside like the sand pit or the water table inside and never painted. If an adult there asked him to sit down for story time then he'd obey the instruction.

It's very common for kids to behave better for teachers than parents. (It's not clear who he's not listening to- you or the teacher?)

Both me and the teachers. His level of understanding isn't up to his age. So he isn't fully aware of when he is spoken too unless you get down to his level and grab his attention

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Jellycats4life · 21/10/2023 13:28

Everything you describe sounds very typical of an autistic child. You haven’t said what his diagnosis is but I’m guessing it’s that?

You and preschool both have to roll with it, not fight against it. Accept that he will find certain things difficult and not force it.

Looking ahead to school, are you in the process of getting an EHCP?

UnbeatenMum · 21/10/2023 13:38

If he hasn't had a recent hearing test I would recommend that even if he also has another diagnosis.

You and preschool need to find strategies that work. E.g:
Giving 3 minutes notice for a transition and using an egg timer
Giving him a fidget toy or something to hold during singing/story time.
Using really clear concise language e.g. "FIRST wash hands THEN snack" "FIRST coat THEN garden". Maybe also use pictures.
Use his interests to help him engage with activities.

You/they also need to work around his needs. My son finds the other children in his preschool too loud at singing time so he doesn't have to sit in the corner and he sits nearby or helps to tidy up instead. We provide ear defenders too although he doesn't often use them.

Bananasinpyjamas1988 · 21/10/2023 13:40

Yes second what pp have said, they should make adjustments and roll with it. Do you have an ehcp in place? It’s tough. Ds has SEN but no ehcp and the nursery just doesn’t have the resources to put the time and effort in.

Original poster
treeoakkez · 21/10/2023 15:35

Yea They use PEG cards at the moment with him. I like the egg timer idea! Today has been a challenging day. No preschool due to weekend so his behaviour is heightened. Music helps to an extent.
ECHP being out in place as we speak, I think some days oh he will be fine and days like today makes me question how he will cope at school. He is so knowledgeable, he can read count and add. But can't communicate properly. Or understand most direction instructions.

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Jellycats4life · 21/10/2023 15:40

Look up hyperlexia. My son could read before he could properly communicate!

Original poster
treeoakkez · 21/10/2023 15:47

Jellycats4life · 21/10/2023 15:40

Look up hyperlexia. My son could read before he could properly communicate!

One of my daughters friends mum mentioned this to me about 6 months ago and i could f for the life of me remember what the word was! I think he does, we walk around the supermarket and he's literally reading all the signs and phrases, it blows my mind that he can read so well.

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Jellycats4life · 21/10/2023 15:51

You can use his reading skills to your advantage when it comes to home and preschool life. I’m sure he’d love things like visual schedules.

I found this site when I first Googled hyperlexia and it’s brilliant.
https://www.andnextcomesl.com/p/hyperlexia-handbook.html

The Hyperlexia Handbook

The Hyperlexia Handbook is a free ebook for parents, teachers, and professionals to learn what hyperlexia is and how to support hyperlexic children

https://www.andnextcomesl.com/p/hyperlexia-handbook.html?m=1

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