Managing expectations when skint

[BoyMamma2]

I’m a single mum with 2 kids (turned 5&8 last month), work full time with no help from anyone. We’re not in poverty as such but really struggling with increased food/bills the last 6 months. My mortgage will almost definitely increase next year and the car will need repairs before MOT in March. I’m so fed up.
the kids constantly ask for stuff, especially the oldest. Every supermarket trip he wants prime or Mr Beast chocolate. He doesn’t get it and I’ve tried to explain why but he still asks and I feel awful I can’t get him little things like that. All his friends are on holiday just now, all two parent incomes.
I feel I should be protecting his innocence but also feel I can’t as how else do I explain we can’t have those things? It getting harder as he’s getting older and wants expensive football kits, trainers etc.
How do people on low incomes explain to kids why they don’t have what their friends do?

All children ask for stuff like this that they can't have because it's both bad for them and overpriced. I wouldn't say they couldn't have it because of money because (when they are old enough to understand that, and 5/6 might be a bit young for that) they will probably feel hard done by. I'd put it down to it being unhealthy and - if you ever do get these things – that it's a very, very occasional treat.

Tell them about how this is a way for influencers to make money out of selling rubbish to their viewers – and that it's a waste of money. Whereas healthy food that will help them grow strong is better for them. Same goes for most things that are only attractive because of the advertising/marketing.

Also single income here (widowed). I'm afraid I just used to tell mine at that age that I couldn't afford it. It's brutal... but I would say families with 2 parents have 2 incomes so generally have more to spend.
See if they can sell any of their old toys/ books etc, and get them to do chores to earn small amounts of pocket money- ie let them learn about earning, spending and saving.

I agree I think honesty is the way forward.

1. These products are overpriced junk to make money for other people

1. You can't afford to purchase these items.

1. They are unhealthy

All true

We've had a win with curbing impulse purchases by having a list. When they see something in a supermarket or the nagging starts we add it to the wishlist. It's incredible how often that puts an end to the nagging! Mostly we review the list before Christmas and birthday, and choose a few things from it which stood the test of time. Or occasionally also if there's a treat day. Rare atm though.

I would remember that kids will ask for things no matter what you give them; mine recently complained on a Sunday that I never get them stuff even though on a the Friday I got her something she’d wanted for ages. I think it helps to prepare them before you go into a shop that you aren’t getting them things.
Ive explained to my DC that there isn’t endless money and we can’t have everything we want.

This is a great idea.

I have this exact problem. I tell my son we don’t have enough money. I reinforce that we are very lucky that we have a warm home and will always have enough food but we have to choose carefully what extras we get. I give him £1 a week pocketmoney and he’s starting to get an idea of the value if things. I feel terrible about the lack of holidays and days out but it can’t be helped.

Thanks everyone. I know that children will always ask even when they get. It’s hard though when their friends are off on luxury holiday at the moment and I can’t even afford soft play. I try to make stuff fun with movie nights etc but still feel a failure.

I grew up with parents on a very low income and it was definitely drilled into me not to ask or expect expensive things. I'm not sure how my parents taught me tbh, it's just something I grew up with and I never pestered for anything because I knew our family situation. I think you just have to be open about family finances and they will be aware of it all the time. But we lived on a council estate as well and lived in a deprived area where everyone at school was poor too, so I also just didn't get the peer pressure thing. It will be harder with friends who have nicer things, but then again I think for me having friends who were all poor limited my horizons a bit so it's good that your dc have more middle class friends.

It's looking into various opportunities for kids in your area that can give them the chance to have fun even at low cost. My council often runs free events and play schemes and sends out a regular email with them listed. We get soft play and leisure centre courses at a third of the price because we pay the concessionary rate. And we get £5 theatre tickets through a scheme for deprived families. These are just examples, there will be other stuff in your own area but check the council website, local listing and libraries etc.