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Please tell me I’ll survive 3 kids!

10 replies

Enoughnow131 · 20/10/2023 13:32

I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant with a baby boy. I already have a 2 kids who will be 5(f) and 3(m) when this one is born. This pregnancy was planned, but by 6 weeks I started having anxiety and panic attacks and regretting getting pregnant. I was diagnosed with and am being treated for severe prenatal depression and anxiety. I did not experience this at all with my other two pregnancies. I’m no longer feeling suicidal or having constant panic attacks (it got very scary), but I’m still feeling anxious and regretful everyday. If I could go back, knowing what I know now, I would definitely not have tried for a third. I considered termination, but ultimately decided to continue the pregnancy out of fear of regret, the fact that we planned this, and because we have the means to have another child. I do not enjoy the baby stage, as I’m awful with sleep deprivation. I love being a mom and my two children are my world. Once they turn 2 or 3 I’m definitely in my element. I am a high stress person and have experienced anxiety and bouts of mild depression most of my life, but I’d been feeling great consistently for at least 6 months before conceiving. I have a great husband and support system and my mom has offered to move in with us for the first few months. I’m not sure what I’m looking for here. Mostly just reassurance that I didn’t make a horrible decision by having a third and that I haven’t ruined my life. My main worries are never sleeping again, having three kids to worry about (health, safety, etc), travel being a nightmare, not being able to give my current two the attention they deserve, having my daughter be left out by the two boys, feeling stressed and overwhelmed all the time, and having my current youngest feel jealous as a middle child (he is a big mama’s boy). We have help for the first few months, my daughter will be in kindergarten in the fall and the boys have daycare lined up when the baby is 5 months. Please share any experience, advice, or support. I’m just feeling overwhelmed.

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SuperLoudPoppingAction · 20/10/2023 13:42

Get really bright clothes for them so that when they all run in different directions you have a hope of finding them again.

And it does ease off eventually.
Now mine are grown, it's lovely to see them getting on together.

Himawarigirl · 20/10/2023 17:13

Sorry to hear you’re having such a difficult time. But you will be fine. I never liked the baby period much either and hate sleep deprivation, but I knew we wanted three and knew I’d endure it. My pregnancy was horrible third time round and I had issues with my epilepsy. So there was plenty to regret but we never have. But my youngest has just started school now and it’s fine. Exhausting and overwhelming at times but I love my gang. And his older brother and sister adored him from the minute he came out, which helps. Spreading yourself between them feels a constant challenge but they also learn patience and how to support each other through it. Good luck, I’m sure you will do a great job.

AutumnVibes · 21/10/2023 04:24

Sorry you’re feeling this way. I have a four week old baby who is my unplanned but welcome third. Having never experienced anything like that, I had several panic attacks in this pregnancy and really struggled with mood and feelings of overwhelm. This has massively improved since giving birth and I’ve felt instantly bonded and lived up with the baby. Siblings love him and even though all my fears from pre pregnancy are still here (money, space, career, spreading myself thinly between children) they are balanced by the love of the real life boy in my arms, rather than just being a scary mountain of worries. Sleep is awful and the house in very intense but you’ll be used to all of that, so it’s not the shock it is with the first and second.
I hope you carry on getting lots of support and that things brighten up for you soon.

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Hereiamguys123 · 21/10/2023 05:56

I've 3 and love having 3! My kids were 6 and 4 when the baby was born and they love her! She wasn't a great sleeper but started sleeping through around 17 months. I sleep trained and should have done it sooner though. Having 3 kids has a certain magic to it. My husband always said that 2 was too symmetrical and he wanted more of a 3 legged stool! The third was doing something hilarious last night and I said to DH, 'imagine a life without this one! How dull would it be!'

It's nuts, bonkers, busy but fun!

CherryMaple · 21/10/2023 07:49

I spent the whole of my pregnancy with DS worrying that I had made a huge mistake, because DD2 had been so difficult as a baby and toddler. I was even still worrying on the ward waiting to go down for my C-section. (And, like you, I prefer toddlers/pre-schoolers to the baby stage.)

But I needn’t have worried. DS is the apple of my eye - I can’t imagine what life would’ve been like if I hadn’t had him. He is such a blessing - just absolutely brilliant.

I love having three kids. DH and I both work, and we have no family support at all. You say you will have help at the start from your Mom, and the option of daycare from 5 months, which is fantastic. You will sleep again. Travel won’t be an issue. I just want to reassure you: you will be fine when he’s here OP 😊 I’m so sorry you’ve been having such a rough time, and hope things brighten soon 💐

Enoughnow131 · 21/10/2023 13:54

@Himawarigirl Thank you for this. I’ve always thought I’d have three so I kept pushing the hard parts out of my memory. I think the reality of being pregnant brought all of the fears and hard times back to front of mind. I’m hoping I can feel more like myself again soon.

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Enoughnow131 · 21/10/2023 14:04

@CherryMaple thank you so much for the reassurance. Can I ask how old your DC are now? I’m hoping I can start to focus on the positives rather than my fears soon.

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CherryMaple · 21/10/2023 22:55

My DCs are older now: 19, 15 and 11 years. It goes by all too quickly!

Take care OP x

Fifireee · 21/10/2023 22:57

I genuinely found going from 1 to 2 harder than 2 to 3.
You’ll be fine. That’s exactly the age gap I had with mine.

Enoughnow131 · 24/10/2023 19:24

@Fifireee How old are your children now? I’m still panicking everyday! Ugh, thank you for the encouragement. Not sure how I’ll make it through this pregnancy… Lots of therapy haha

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