Bullying?

[Custardcream1985]

I am worried my DD (7) is experiencing bullying at school.
I am an experienced teacher so don’t use that word lightly.

Another child in her class is the only person she really speaks about at home. Everyday we hear ‘C didn’t let me sit with Emily today because she says Emily hates me’ or ‘C said I’m not good at that game and so can’t play with her’ or worse ‘C keeps saying I smell, and other people will catch it if I play with them.’ No other children are mentioned, hence I feel I can’t say it’s just normal 7yo spats.

DD has admitted openly to me that more than once she had retaliated. She said ‘C said I have a horrible house so I said her house was horrible’ and more similar things. I have spoken to her about this at length and now my DD says she follows my advice and says either nothing or ‘I’m sorry I don’t know about that’. She is disheartened and says it isn’t working, and that she feels sad that my idea doesn’t work.

i rang the teacher and she spoke to the girls. It didn’t work at all. It sounds like they had a sunny chat in which they ‘all decided to get along.’ I tried to leave it and see if that worked, but if anything it sounds like things are ramping up.

To make things worse, Cs Mum works in the school as a pastoral care TA. Therefore, reporting issues is harder to my mind because I worry about my child’s anxieties being made common knowledge among the staff.

It’s DDs birthday tomorrow and we’re having a class party as she’s not had one before (couldn’t afford one!) and I’m scared of seeing C and her Mum. They said they were coming initially, but C has told my DD she isn’t coming because ‘you shouted at me at my Mum says you are a bully’.

I know I would, but I believe my DD is not the bully here for a few reasons - firstly, the teacher described her as very well behaved and that she has lots of friends and no problems that come to her attention in class. Also she is shocked by this child’s behaviour and says it all with a ‘I can’t believe it’ tone that isn’t OTT. Also - keeping an
open mind here - if she wanted to come across as a clear victim, she wouldn’t have told me she had retaliated, surely,

WWYD?

This sort of thing is (sadly) quite common at around this age. I wouldn't necessarily mention the word bullying as it's such an emotive word, but I would go back to the teacher for another chat. Say that DD is unhappy and talk about friendship issues. Encourage DD to play with other children. Can you arrange some play dates to help her build other friendships?

Thanks for replying.

I feel massively guilty as due to my husband loosing a lucrative job (company folded) I’ve had to go full time this year so play dates are practically tough, as DD is in after school care each day.

she’s in lots of clubs.

I heartened by the fact that most of the class are coming tomorrow. I’ll see who she is drawn to there.

One method; Contact mum - talk parent to parent. She sounds like she'd be professional, or at least should be. Mention you've been hearing stories and need the air clearing so our girls get along better, or we as parents both request to teacher that they be separated if they don't get along. Ask her if she has heard anything from her daughter. Be explicit that you don't want to get into 'she said he said' but you just wanted to make sure both girls are okay.

Tbh I wouldn't speak to the child's mum about it as it sometimes makes it worse. The mum must be telling the child negative things for the child to say that you're a bully.