Please help me to stop shouting at my poor DS (only 4.5)

[Flier]

I've been feeling really low all winter and feeling particularly bad this week (probably PMT). Been shouting at my ds (4.5) for not much reason. His behaviour hasn't been fantastic, but what can I expect when all he gets is being shouted at, its a vicious circle isn't it?
Anyway, posting this in tears after shouting at him again and wondered if anyone can help me with any words of wisdom or statistics or anything.

worst of it is, I'm hearing him talk and shout at his wee sis in the same way I have been and, of course, don't like it

Can you get a break? I mean, can you just get an afternoon or something to yourself and get it all in perspective a bit?

I think thats what I need, don't get hardly any time away from them at all, and DH been at work all day agian today.

I get terribly shouty if I don't get a break.

I bet you that you're tired, you're fed up, you just need a bit of time to yourself. Children are dreadfully hard work. And then one feels guilty. And shouts some more. Oh yes, I know it well - I went through a dreadful shouty phase a while back.

The only other advice I can offer is the very obvious one of identifying the shoutiness flashpoints (if there are any) and kind of allowing for them.

thanks for replying, DH has a day off in a couple of weeks, so may get some "me" time then. As you say, its the guilt too, and I just don't want my son to deal with things the way I do, ie shouting

The one other thing I do is apologise!

wot MI said

apologise, get a break

I also sometimes strike deals with my children "will you help mummy stop shouting" and we try to work out ways they can help me not shout .. sometimes it involves them not doing things, sometimes it involves me agreeing to let them do other things ... and it puts a little levity into the situation .. gives them a little power back really .. nothing like a 'mummy remember our deal' to make you smirk

I apologised after my last outburst which had prompted my post
I think I just need some me time, but it was the look on my DS's face when I was shouting at him this time
I've sat him down before and we have both agreed that tomorrow will be a much better day and we won't shout at each other etc.

Anyway, thanks to you both for posting, appreciate it

DH home now, so taken them both out for a walk with the dog, so I have a wee bit of peace for 10 mins.

It's really awful I know. I do this and really really hate doing it. Can I say this and mean it loads. It really is a phase, they will grow up & on and there will be other less shouty problems. I keep chanting this mantra to myself and it does make me feel better.

thanks scattybird. I'm so proud of myslef when I manage to stay calm in situations but its like I can only stay that way for so long before I've reached my quota of calmness for the month

I think this will go on until they are old enough to get fed up with us and stalk off anyway. Then we will wish for the days of little snuggly people as we will have androids who don't want cuddles anymore

I think you're doing all the right things, Flier.

I think it's important to apologize to your kids when you've flown off the handle. They learn by studying their parents. It's OK to get angry. Children are hard work, but it's vitally important to discuss the outburst and what can be done to make it better. This is what you're doing, and I honestly don't think you can do any more than that.

Out of interest, what are the sort of things you're getting angry with him about?

I go through phases like this too Flier, it is extremely guilt-inducing. One thing I try to do is walk away when I feel like shouting and get a drink (soft or hard!) or fold the laundry or something to take me away from the situation.

I also find that it happens most in late afternoon/early evening when I am tired and hungry. Probably sounds stupid but make sure you are eating regularly and don't have low blood sugar - that can make you really irritable.

I try to say how I am feeling, rather than shouting at them eg 'Mummy is VERY upset about that, mummy needs to sit down with a cup of tea' It sort of reminds me to take care of myself rather than vent all my frustration on them. Sometimes I find the children can actually relate to me as a person rather than as a shouty mummy if I tell them that I'm very tired or cross or whatever...

Thanks everyone, these are all things that I do, just not consistently, which I know I will have to work on.
Anyway, after the weekend, with an extra pair of adult hands at home, I'm a bit more relaxed, I think I'd just reached my "boiling point" , so we'll see how thsi week progresses