Is it normal for a 3.10 year old to oppose to playing alone?

[Lollyloup88]

DS has always been a handful. I feel sometimes like he's harder than my friends children and I struggle with him a lot, so does DH.
He's been pretty difficult to potty train and still has accidents at nursery most days. They say it's to do with him having FOMO and losing his toys to someone else if he goes for a wee.

Anyway, I find at home he will just never play alone. He won't even be in a room on his own. Now he's nearly 4 I wonder if this is starting to become a bit out of the ordinary?
I have a 4 month old baby so it's getting tiring, I sometimes wonder if his bad behaviour is related to that but then I realise he was like it anyway..

Any advice or solidarity would be appreciated x

My dd was identical to this. I was exhausted.

She was diagnosed later as ASD. One of the questions was ‘was she very demanding as a young child?’

I do wonder if he is ND in some way. I often feel angry that I've been given such a hard one, I know that sounds ungreatful but he's just such hard work.

How did you start the process of getting your DD diagnosed? X

Hopeful bump

I remember having to "be present" with my first born. I couldn't leave the room, I couldn't watch TV or read a book while she played as I had to play with her...but not play with her. This meant I had to pass the building blocks but not be allowed to build (or choose), I had to play with barbies but not do the imaginative side or choose the clothes, I had to put on the clothes she chose and when. It was exhausting. The only time I got "peace" was when we had our own colouring books. We had to colour at the same time but I could choose my own crayons! Bliss!

That slowly changed once she went to school. I think by aged 6 she was more independent. My second born was an absolute breeze in comparison.

Anyway...no idea if that helps but I do know that once they go to school they do change a lot so take a deep breath and hang on for the next big milestone in a years time

EDIT. Now they are both adults the child that couldn't be alone is extremely independent, the independent one is now the homebody. Funny how things turn out.

My ds didn't like being alone either. He's just a chatty sociable soul who likes other people.

Even now he's 15 he doesn't spend any time shut away in his room like so many seem to. It doesn't seem so unusual.

At that age they don’t generally get left alone at any time for more than the shortest of times. There can be worries if they don’t play with others at that age but not normally if it’s the opposite. As regards the baby, baby needs essential attention but not interaction in the same way as a toddler/pre schooler. Inevitable that the one will interrupt the others needs and vice versa.

Thanks so much for your replies.

I've had an awful day so far, I've really shouted at DS on a couple of occasions so now feeling guilty.
He's been following me to every room and just pulled everything out of every draw, grabbed everything he shouldn't when I'm changing the baby's nappy, just generally acting up. I know he's only 3 but for some reason I convince myself he should act better than this, like he should have some kind of understanding that I have to tend to the baby, I forget he doesn't know any better.
He's got such a short fuse, if a toy doesn't fit together he goes ape within a few seconds, he's very loud generally, and he's got a real attitude, like if I said the sky was blue he would probably say "no it's not mummy".
I blame myself, because on the day's we have off together when he's not at nursery i know I am more uptight and on edge, ready for his bad behaviour, which he then picks up on and is then worse because of it! I feel like I have failed as a parent because my DH is much better with him than I am. I find him generally very annoying, I wish I had a lovely mother son relationship with him but it just doesn't feel that way and I always blame myself.

Sorry for the rant and thanks for your replies, it does help to know other people have been in similar situations x

I dont expect any 3 or 4 year old to play alone or remain in a room alone

I think it must be really boring to play alone for most 3yos. My eldest always wanted others. I had twins and they played together for hours from about 3.5 I felt it was a good way of balancing all those sleepless nights.

What not even for a second!? I wonder if you're also the sort of mumsnetter that would say I was suffocating my DC is I always played with him?

He's been following me to every room and just pulled everything out of every draw, grabbed everything he shouldn't when I'm changing the baby's nappy, just generally acting up.
Hes trying to get your attention away from the baby. He's had your undivided adoration for nearly three years and poof, it's gone. Not only gone but diverted onto something he is probably blocked from (don't blame you if he's a little whirlwind).

Maybe set aside 30 minutes every single day of you and him time when he's not hungry or tired, no distractions at all, and that means your DH takes full responsibility for the baby. I don't mean bedtime as, in his eyes, you disappear afterwards. Get him to choose what to do in your special quiet time (and tell DS it is your special time so he feels good about it, feels wanted). Maybe he wants a cuddle and story, maybe just a chat, maybe a walk in the garden, or splashing around with a washing up bowl and a plastic beaker, or kicking the autumn leaves. No sleeping baby or pram. Just you and him time.

I have 4 children and people often tell me I’m “lucky” because they can’t play together 🙄 my youngest is 6 and expects me to constantly play with her, she rarely (if ever) plays with her siblings and doesn’t like playing alone.

Any update was it adhd or autism

My nephew was like this and has since been diagnosed with ASD. I think some kids are really hyper alert to the loss of attention and then are aware they’re only getting it when they demand it so it’s a vicious cycle. Something that really helped was him having a regular one hour set playtime with a parent giving him absolute undivided attention. It was child led play and the parent just responded to him, he was in charge. There was a physical space created for it with all his toys available. He learned he didn’t have to demand attention and could relax into it. You could try something like that?

Was it just that trait that led to a diagnosis

No I wouldn’t say that trait led to a diagnosis.