5 and half year old kicking off

[Starsandflowers10]

Hiya everyone. I have a quiet 8 year old daughter who can be quite serious, anxious and an over thinker. In general she's good. Happy. Lovely to spend time with..

My son will turn 6 in late December. He is full of life. Sociable. Full on and always busy. But he's gone through 2 or 3 stages where he is so so rude and angry at us and its daily. Its becoming hard work. I am stressed out. I feel at his age I should be able to take him out and enjoy him.

The teachers at the school all love him and he's stood out to them because he walks in and he chats away and if he sees them at the weekends in asda he's full of chat. They say he's never naughty although he has refused to do pe. Because my daughters so quiet she tends to get the negative feedback from school.

He will do things like demand. Shout. Get mad. Keeps repeating what he wants when I've said no. Throws things. Says I'm horrible. He hates me. He's exhausting. He basically does what he wants when I've said no..I will be firm. I will carry him up to his room.i will talk to him about how he's making me feel. I will state the consequences if he continues. I've even taken his scooter off him and placed it outside behind the bin until he apologised after throwing it.

I get him involved in making tea etc. He likes to help me.

This isn't all the time. He can be funny and content and colour for ages. He loves going places and socialises. Loves being shown new things.

My parents in particular have minimal patience with him so I have stopped taking him round.. its hard for me. I feel alot of stress.

I would love some advice. Thank you.

You say you state the consequences...but what are they? And do you always follow through?

The "throwing the scooter away" was an empty threat unless you really meant for him to never get it back?

Making him apologise to get something back won't work in the long run, because all he's learning is that he just has to say sorry and the consequences are removed.

If he did something like throwing the scooter a better consequence would be something like not allowing him use of the scooter for x amount of time. Then having a separate conversation about apologies etc. He can apologise all he wants, and you can say thank you and distract wtc... and you still stand firm on the consequence.

You need to find a way to ingnore the tantrums hrs having. He's doing it because it works.

Don't try and reason/negotiate when he's having the tantrum. That's for later when everyone has calmed down.

If necessary walk away from his tantrum. If there's no one interested,he should calm down. Or take him to his room and let him calm down and stay with him if you want but you have to ignore his actions.

What is a typical example of him having a tantrum. Eh what leads up to the event, what does he do, how do you react, what is the general outcome (does he "win"?)

It seems like he is wanting whatever he wants instant..like he wakes up..he will say rudely make me toast. If I say I'm drinking my coffee first, sit down and watch tele with me for 5 mins he goes nuts. He shouts I want toast etc. After school is a big one. This also seems to have kicked in with year one starting.

I've put him in his room and I hold the handle whilst he's going mad..I always stay quiet but repeat through the door when he speaks calmly he can come out. I'm not cruel and it's only for around 10 mins!

I'm struggling with the fact he won't stay where he's put and when he's like this shoes get thrown. Pictures get screwed up. It's like he doesn't care. Hitting his sister is also a part of it.

Me and his dad are separated and I know his dad's awful with structure. He's a great dad. But they end up sleeping on the sofa watching tele in their clothes most nights. He never does bath and bed.

So

why aren't you asking him to ask politely? Eg
Son" I want toast!"
You" I'll happily make some for you when you can ask nicely"
..and not just at the demanding time, all the time. Also modelled by you at all times. So was your response along the lines of "DS please would you pop the TV on for a few minutes whilst I make your toast?" Or was it more along the lines of "I'm having my coffee, go and put the Tele on".

does he get the toast? I'm assuming he does...?

Why can't he make his own breakfast? Why can't you supervise him whilst you're having your coffee? Or why can't you have the toast made and in the table,so he can then help himself and spread it himself etc?
Just thinking of ways you can avoid the situation where he can "demand" anything or be sent away from you first thing in the morning?

Because, unless I've misinterpreted how you've described the morning. The first interaction he has with you in the morning is you sending him away so you can have coffee "in peace"? Where he probably wants the first interaction to be a "morning DS! Come and sit with me/us, your breakfast is ready!/would you like toast or cereal today?"

Sounds like he just tired, angry and upset. His dad is. It a great dad if he is allowing a child to fall asleep on the sofa watching TV and not bothering to put him to bed. But never mind.