Feel like I’ve ruined my life - 2nd baby.

[DuploStack]

I have a just turned 3yo and a 3.5 month old on my own 2.5 or 3.5 long days per week (depending on DH’s shifts) plus either side of pre school hours (9:15-3:15) a further 2.5 days per week. It genuinely feels like an impossible task. I cry most days. It was easier when the 3 month old was a newborn. He just slept in between breastfeeds in the sling and came along with us. He’s been ‘awake’ and extremely fussy for about a month now. Cries none stop in the pram and car seat and will only tolerate the sling asleep. Won’t be put down for naps at all and just wants to breastfeed to sleep and be held (obviously not possible). He spends so much time fussing due to a combination of overtiredness and frustration at not being able to move. He still has bad witching hour. I could just about manage when his night sleep was okay but that’s gone to sh*t recently too.

My 3 yo and I used to spend days off together going out to country parks or NT properties or nearby cities or the like. Now obviously he’s having to play and entertain himself a lot more. I try and get out daily but it’s so hard. He’s often wild and destructive at home if we have been in too long or if I’m stuck under baby.

Please tell me this will get better as baby gets older. It feels like total Groundhog Day at the moment and so much harder than I could have imagined. I’m so exhausted and my mental health is crashing. Any tips to survive this gratefully received.

My third was like this. It got easier. She spent a lot of time in a stretchy sling for the first 6 months (we nicknamed it sling of doom) she is a mostly pleasant little human now.
hang in there.

You will get through this, OP. It is hard, you are right. Your 3.5 month old is only maybe 15-16 weeks old, so very small and possibly has a developing digestion. My second also SCREECHED nonstop, brought me to my knees.
What worked - carrying her around
Swaddling (v v cosy and wedged in both basket and car seat - I would put a jelly cat rabbit against either cheek!
A dummy (never occurred to me, first born didn't have one)
Ranitidine from the doc - this was a game changer.

Let your eldest go to preschool/ relatives / watch TV / play in the bath in the afternoon - they won't remember any of this.
You can do it - but yes, it's very tough.
Solidarity, my friend x

Hugs. It is really hard. My age gap is the same and I only have them both on my own 2 days a week. I'm six months further along than you and it does get easier. There is nothing for it but to keep going. Now my younger one is down to two naps I find it much easier to manage with a combination of TV time for the eldest, pram, sling and car naps. Mine still won't be put down to nap. This phase does end. I promise.

This does sound like he might not like lying flat. I put books under the head end of the cot legs to make a slope, and a towel under the flat pram mattress at the head end. It made a bit of difference, but it was the medicine from.the doc that changed things.
And a 'dummy rabbit' - a soft blanket toy thingy with five velcro bits where I attached five dummies.
When the acid tummy was fixed and she grew a bit, I could put her down. So, so different to her elder sibling - you are not going mad, OP.

I have a similar age gap and those first few months were so so difficult. As others have said the sling for us was indispensable. Other than that, no tips, except to keep telling yourself it will get easier. And when your youngest is older and able to walk around and chat a bit they may even play together, and it will warm your heart as well as give you the chance to drink a cup of tea.

My baby is 6 months on Friday. Toddler is 22 months.

Baby still has terrible reflux despite medication, but her horrendous colic started at 6 weeks and lasted 2.5 months. That was a long, miserable time. Screaming (not just crying), all evening and half ths night every single day. I was on my feet 90% of my waking hours, my feet and back were in bits!

Since the colic eventually passed, she was a new baby. Actually lovely to be around. Since around 5 months, baby and toddler often entertain each other, giggle lots together, tho obv under close supervision as toddler doesn't understand spacial awareness, is too rough, bites baby as teething.. but a beautiful lovely relationship at lots of moments!

Since around 3 weeks, baby will only sleep in the carrier in the daytime,not even just on me. But, tbh I find it better, can semi play with toddler and make our lunch etc whilst baby is napping in carrier. Baby doesn't like pushchair or pram. But, pop her in the sling and off we go - walks in parks, playgrounds, soft play etc. Esp with your toddler at least a year older you'll be less restricted than me, so baby shouldn't really have to hold you back from your typical NT or parks etc.

It is difficult tho, you have my empathy x