To pull the plug on nursery

[lilianash]

Okay so in a nutshell...

I am English living in a foreign country. I have 1 DD who is 13 months.

Hubby works full time, I have my own business which I work on when I can (during naps etc)

When bub turned 1 I started her at nursery (they only had afternoon slot which starts at 3:30- weird I know)

Reasons of sending her:

1/ so I can have a couple hours to
2/ so she gets used to the foreign language
3/ so she get to socialise as she loves other babies

We have worked our way up to 2 hours at nursery whilst I go and sit next door in the cafe and work.

We are 3 weeks in and she's still crying when I drop her off, it feels chaotic in there - not calm and I'm having MAJOR WOBBLES.

I am feeling like she's too young in this environment.... wondering whether to pull the plug and wait til she's 18 months or 2 years.

I'll never get this time back with my baby and the weird timings of her slot just makes it all feel dis-jointed.

I don't wanna lose my place at nursery though as it's a long waiting list.

Maybe a childminder would be better? Or a nanny? I don't have loads of money but willing to invest in the best option.

Don't really even know what I'm asking, I guess just some similar stories?

How can I figure out whether to pull the plug or stick it out?

Confused and anxious.

1/ couple hours WORK*

A childminder may be better.

However, 2 hours isn't very long. As soon as she gets there she has to leave, there's no time for her to settle or get used to it.

There is no way she can settle and form relationships with the staff at only 1.5 hours a day or week. Did you post this recently

Honestly the problem is she's going for such a short amount of time in my opinion. If you're going to do nursery she needs to be able to go for at least half a day. Starting at 3.30 is ridiculous.

Hmm... true. I don't feel comfortable sending her longer though

I full agree with this. Maybe I should say to the nursery I'll keep her at home until they have a morning space for her

That won't fix the issue though unless you have her there for the whole morning session. If she's doing no more than 2 hours because you don't want her to stay longer but she's then doing it in a morning then the problem is going to persist.

What a tiny amount of time? By time coat off… it is almost time to get back on

no other nursery to try?

Not an ideal time to start if she's getting a bit tired or cranky.

We started for 3 hours from 12.30pm and that worked nicely.

However, my son was 2.5 when we started as I didn't feel he was ready until then. He was quite a needy/clingy little guy but now, at 3.5, he's so independent and nursery has done him a world of good.

I agree the shortness of the session will be the issue. She isn't getting enough time to settle in and start enjoying herself.

But a 3:30 start sounds brilliant to me. I assume you are in Spain or another country with a similar tradition of a long afternoon siesta. I remember when my child was in for short afternoons for nursery I felt very short-changed because I would drop off a toddler who was very sleepy and ready for an afternoon nap, and would collect at 3:30 and they would only have woken up a short time ago and not had much play time. It was better when we moved to a longer afternoon slot so I could work till 6pm

It sounds like you're not ready and it would be easier for both of you if you just skip it for now and try again in 6-12 months. Can you just find a mum and toddler type group for a couple of hours once a week so she gets the socialisation and language exposure but without the stress of separation? That's a better way to get those things if you're only wanting such a short amount of time. (And honestly, they get the language exposure later. It doesn't matter that much when they start.)

Agree that to get the benefits of nursery she needs to be going for longer, more often in order to settle. It can be normal to take a few weeks to settle but it's going to take much longer if she's only going for a couple of hours once a week. My kids typically seem to find everything more difficult in the afternoons too - if I want to do something new with them then the morning is usually much more successful. (That might just be mine and not universal.)

If it's not working, stop!

My eldest wasn't suited to nursery at that age. Even at age 2, it was a bit of a struggle for her. She couldn't settle to nap and didn't like the food. It never really worked well for her.

Child minder or nanny might well be better, but I don't know if you'd find the limited hours you want. Can you manage without? Try again in 6 months or a year? Language immersion can be at toddler groups etc.

Then you aren’t ready, regardless of whether she is. Pull her out and keep her at home.

I'd look at childminders and do a 9-12 for a few days a week it might suit you better.

Agree the short slot is problematic

I don't think that is the best idea.

First, it's always more challenging for the parents.

Second, I would try a different nursery and longer hours before considering keeping her at home.

If she is in a different country, socializing is extremely important for the little one. I'm guessing you don't have family nearby- unless you take her to baby clubs once a day, she won`t get enough socializing. It's also important for you to have a few hours of break. Things will get harder when she starts to walk, and your work time from home will be even more limited.

Language is also another important aspect, as you mentioned. She should learn by being at the nursery. Unless you also fluently speak the language, that's the way for her to learn, or at least listen.

She is not comfortable to stay there, as with those limited ours, it is basically impossible.

I understand your perspective. Given that you're a foreigner ( I am too) your approach should be different from someone who is surrounded by their own culture, language, and a support network of family and friends.