Potty training - is there anything I can do?

[kallia]

DD is 2.5. She is fully potty trained at nursery, they prompt her to use the potty if she hasn’t used it in a couple of hours, and she uses either the potty or toilet for all wee/poo.

At home, she only has accidents. She is with me 4 days a week and has never once used the potty or toilet correctly. We set a timer, she sits on it happily for a couple of minutes, and then says “finished” and hops off. I encourage her to try again and try and do a wee, but she doesn’t. Usually she wets/soils herself as soon as she has her trousers back on again.

She will hold her wee for up to 20 hours - I’m really worried she might get a UTI. I’m trying to stay positive and relaxed about it but it’s really frustrating not having had one success!

I don’t have any support here - family abroad and none of my friends have children - so I’m relying on internet advice. All the advice seems to be either things not to do (don’t shame her when she wets herself - which I never do!) or things to do when she has a successful wee (lots of praise etc.) but we haven’t had any successes to praise. I rang the HV but she said “sounds like she’s nearly got it - hang in there” which wasn’t any use.

Is there anything I can do? I can’t leave the house at all as she’s not remotely trained with me, and spending all day every day mopping up spills is really starting to get me down!

Poor you OP this sounds very stressful, especially as it sound like she's perfectly capable if she can do it at nursery.

We had similar in that it took a while for there to be a 'success' to praise. For poo we had to resort to actual bribery (little inexpensive toys) which did seem to work eventually. So we told her, 'when you do a poo on the potty/toilet just like mummy and daddy you'll get a XYZ'

Some things that I think helped us...abandon all sense of privacy, let her come in with you, see and hear you doing a wee, demonstrate how you sit and wait for it to come, let her have a look and flush it. Everytime you need a wee bring her with you and get her to sit on the potty at the same time 'just like mummy'.

Use a book to keep her sitting there for longer than the timer?

Could you also take her to choose her own special potty? Put stickers on it etc?

Thanks for the suggestions! It’s so nice to have some practical ideas!

I think we’ve done all the above. She sees me go and we play potty with her soft toys etc. She’s mostly very happy sitting on the potty, but I have noticed that when she really needs a wee she’s very reluctant to sit on it for any length of time (I think she knows I want her to wee on the potty so is being very stubborn and trying to avoid it!)

She gets one sticker for sitting and then picks out her next one to have when she’s done a wee - it’s not yet persuading her so I may need to up the bribery!

The only thing I’ve not done is get her to choose her own potty - although I’m thinking of taking her to a shop to pick out her own, it might be worth a try!

Bribery, but it has to be something they really value. In the first two weeks we let DD watch Hey Duggee while she sat on the potty (she got 0 screen time otherwise) and gave her a chocolate button for every wee/poo in the potty (again, she got 0 chocolate normally). After the first two weeks she'd lost interest in Hey Duggee but we continued with the chocolate buttons for a month or two.

I’ve tried bribing with chocolate, screen time and toys this afternoon - no luck, she just says she “doesn’t like chocolate”! (Ha!)

I called the HV again and spoke to a different person who said put her back in nappies? So I’m not really sure what to do.

we haven't got the same situation but also struggling with potty training. 3.5yo who was probably ready at 2.5 but had a couple of accidents and now refuses anything to do with the potty basically. his keyworker at preschool suggested making our own trips to the bathroom really fun, and not mentioning him at all, but giving ourselves lots of praise and a sticker etc for going to the toilet. it has certainly got his interest haha. also had no luck with any amount of bribery.

I'd put her back in nappies at home, forget about it altogether for a while and remove the chance of conflict building between you.
If she carries on 'being a big girl' at nursery, at some stage she'll want to do the same at home as it's more comfortable.
Good luck OP 😊

Our nursery recommended the App ‘poo goes to poo land’ but we didn’t use it in the end. Erics website is a great resource also if you’ve not seen it https://eric.org.uk/
Have you got any books? We read The Little Princess I want my potty, Pip and Posy the little puddle and Everybody Poos about a bazillion times.
oh and I just let them decorate the potty with some stickers they loved - cheaper than a new potty!

I am yet to do it (child is 2 but not yet ready, I think), but advice I have is to NOT praise - makes them feel they have a choice (rather than usual bodily function, they're essentially punished if they don't go, also leads to shame with accidents and they end up holding in wee/poo and getting UTIs/constipated). So meant to just be factual and react in chilled way. This is one perspective anyway, from a nanny friend I know who has successfully trained lots of kids. Also walking away from them when on the potty reduces the pressure and they could be more likely to go.

My daughter is 2 and 10 months now but we started a few months ago. It was hit and miss for a while. We started with bribery I have to say. She got a chocolate star/ button every time she went on the potty. I had lots of potties dotted around and took a travel potty out with me. Never stayed at home just went about the day and put something under her if we were in the pram
or car. We rarely have accidents now. If she’s really having lots of accidents you could always use pull-ups that still feel wet for a while until she gets it.

My daughter did this - although she wasn't using the toilet at nursery.
She would hold her wee for hours and hours so we knew she could do it, and would cry for a nappy when she needed a wee (so she could recognise when she needed to go). We left the nappy off all day a few times and she eventually either weed in the bath or in her bedtime nappy but it was hours and hours not weeing (and we made her drink lots to encourage her to go!)
Honestly.. we just gave up and tried again 2 months later and it was so easy. The first wee in the potty we FaceTimed Nanna and that worked a treat, she was so proud of herself. On the 2nd go a cocomelon reward chart worked (no way it would have helped on the first go).
FWIW she trained a couple of weeks after her 3rd birthday and was also dry at night within a month... like I said I knew she could do it, just a very stubborn girl