3 year old started nursery and pushing people - please help

[Dontknowwhattodo123456]

Hello, hoping someone can help me.

my 3 year old starting nursery last month. He just does the mornings. Nursery teacher has been saying that he’s been pushing people, generally won’t listen, won’t be still in the queue for lunch etc. kicked someone. Some days he’s fine. But most days she has something to say when I come to collect him.

he hasn’t been to nursery before so I know it’s new for him but he is very socialised. We’re always in the playground and he always plays very nicely with other children. Loves being around other kids. Of course sometimes there will be a little fight/tantrum over not wanting to share a toy but this is not often and from what I see very normal. He loves being around other kids. There was no problem settling him into nursery, no tears when I’d drop him off etc.

when I ask him if he pushed/kicked someone. He says ‘yes’ and gets very upset. I do tell him he must not do this as it’s upsetting for other people and not nice etc and it seems to resonate but by the next day he’s done something ‘naughty’ again.

I must say I don’t feel like the teacher is being very empathetic, he’s only 3 and it’s a new environment and the nursery is attached to a school so they’re very ‘school’ like. At the Same time I understand that perhaps this can be quite disruptive for her. Starting to feel a bit like she’s picking on him.

please can someone help and tell me if there’s anything I can do to improve this situation. He’s made lots of friends there but She complains about him basically everyday. The whole thing is becoming quite stressful and anxiety inducing.

if anyone has any tips or experience with this I’d really appreciate it.

thanks in advance! Xx

You could try:

1. Requesting a meeting with staff about the issue - see if other staff observe similar thing or it's just this person.

1. If other staff observe similar behaviour, ask them what their plan is, what they think is the trigger for it. Is he becoming overwhelmed, are other children pushing him etc etc.

1. If it's just this member of staff, I'd start to blank them a bit - like say 'oh well I've never seen him behave like that, there must be a reason, perhaps someone else had pushed him' etc etc.

How many days does he go? Does he need to spend more time there to settle in? Does he generally sleep and eat well (lack of either often a trigger for behaviour issues)? Are you consistently dealing with difficult behaviour at home or does it go unchallenged? How is his understand of emotions and emotional regulation developing?

I would speak with the nursery to understand how they manage these situations and employ the same strategies yourself so he's getting a consistent approach eg our nursery use 'no thank you, that's not kind' so we now use that phrase too. Definitely work with them, ask them what they think would help, try not to be defensive (easier said than done).

On a side note, most of them go through these phases so try not to worry too much. It is likely just adjustment but it does need consistent approaches. Some might scream at drop off because their struggling to adjust but others it comes out in other behaviour. If he's struggling with understanding emotions the book The Colour Monster is good.

Have you asked him if he's happy at nursery?

It’s a completely new environment for him and playing nicely with random kids in the playground isn’t in anyway comparable. School nursery classes can be quite large and higher ratios are allowed if they have a qualified teacher so don’t downplay how much of an adjustment it is for him; the bad behaviour is no doubt because he is struggling. The teacher has to tell you about any incidents and she wouldn’t be doing her job properly if she didn’t. That doesn’t mean she’s complaining or that she’s picking on him. It’s just factual. When you’re talking to her you could also ask what went well today or what did he enjoy if you want to hear a positive- I’m sure there will be plenty of good things! There’s not really a lot you can do about it though as you’re not there and he’s too young to understand any kind of delayed consequences. You just have to trust the teacher and give it time.