It's a long 1, but could really do with some advice!

[elle9012]

It’s a long 1 but if you could read and help I really need someone’s perspective on this.

I have 2 children my eldest has always spent time with his dad, and my youngest his dad never wanted anything to do with him so did it alone.

I met someone that lived 2 hours away when my youngest was 4, I moved to be with him with both children when he was 5.

after the first year I realised I’d made a mistake, my now ex was awful, emotionally abusive bullied and belittled my eldest and many other things I won’t get into….

I stayed a further 4 years, I felt trapped due to finances and lock downs. I managed to get out and move back home At the beginning of the year and I’m so happy, I hadn’t realised how bad it was until I left.

my youngest, believes him to be his dad, I never really said it but my ex did, I guess I just wanted him to have a father figure like his brother,

my ex is now demanding to spend time 'with his son' and I just don’t know what to do, I don’t want to hurt my son by removing my ex, but Im just not sure I want him around my son. He has another child he has nothing to do with that he cut out of his life when she was 15 for telling a few lies, she is now a mother herself and he still isn’t interested.

He is a narcissist and misogynist as well as a bully….

I don’t want his money, but he doesn’t offer anything in the way of his care, doesn’t ask about school etc, yet he has these demands of wanting him for a few nights, I’d also like to clarify when we were living together, he never helped me with bedtimes/childcare/school drop off and pick ups. My son has probably said he’s misses him maybe twice in the last 6 months but when I suggest he calls him he doesn’t bother.

could I just get some peoples views on it from the outside…please no judgement, I just want to do what’s right for my son as well as protecting my eldest and myself??

Thank you

He isn’t his dad. Not a chance I would let an abusive bully have access to my child he has no genetic link to. The damage he could inflict is a terrifying prospect.
I’m glad you managed to escape, but I don’t understand why you are still in contact tbh. Just block him.

Absolutely bonkers. Block him, tell your son the truth and do not speak to the abusive arsehole. And also get some help from a therapist for you and your kids. There is a lot to unpack and you need professional help to do it.

Absolutely no contact for your son with a man you had to leave because of his behaviour. He doesn’t view him as his son and did nothing to build a relationship with him when you were together. It’s just a ruse to get back at you. God knows what kind of poison he could spill into your child’s ears.

You should tell your son who his dad really is and keep it matter of fact in a way a child will understand rather than weighted with adult guilt and feelings. Lots of other children don’t have dads who love them, and kids are very accepting of the facts.

Kindly,- do not move in with any other man until both your children are adults. They have had it hard with both your husband and partner, now they need to flourish and blossom under your undivided attention.

You need to tell your son the truth and you need to keep this man out of your lives.

What were you thinking moving across the country to live with a man after only a year when you had two small children?