Baby won’t go to MIL and she’s stressed about it

[Teapotteapot76]

Hi all,

My 14 month old is going through a very clingy phase and whenever we are at my MIL’s house and I am there, he will not be held by anyone but me. He screams whenever someone else tries to hold him even my DP. If I’m not there he’s fine.

This seems to really stress my MIL out, so she tries harder to pick him up etc. but he screams even more. I think this upsets her and she gets a bit stressed about it, saying he never does this when you’re not here etc. he does this my mum sometimes but she knows it’ll pass and isn’t too bothered by it.

Her getting stressed also makes me stressed and my son screaming when she tries to pick him makes me even more stressed. I try and give him to her and smile etc to see if it will help but it doesn’t and in the end I just want him back to stop the crying, but I can see she is upset.

I wondered if anyone else has had this and what you did?

It's completely normal for young kids to go through phases like this. My DD didn't go to anyone from 8 months onwards. Your MIL needs to give the kid a break and leave him alone IMO. She's a full grown adult stressing out a child because he doesn't want to give her a cuddle..

That's a toddler not a baby, and therefore can make their own decisions who they go to.

Mine did this. It’s normal. MIL needs to step back and focus on the things your ds likes to do with other people - reading books, playing games etc.

Stand up for your little one and stop putting them through all that stress. If you are there he stays with you, similar gets her cuddles if you are not there, it's that simple.

She just needs to chill and try to play with him instead of holding him.

Yes, we had this. She needs to go at his pace and interact with him in ways he's happy with. It will build up, perhaps quickly, perhaps slowly, but it will get there. Right now, what he's learning is that she'll ignore his boundaries (even if with the best of intentions), so it's a make haste slowly thing – if she plays and interacts within his limits, they'll get there faster than trying to force it.

My 13 month old is like this the now, she is clingy but is also just becoming more independent and doesn't want picked up all the time! I'd suggest as others have, to tell her to just play and interact that way with him and let him come to her.

Not abnormal.

Can/does your partner take your child to your MIL without you?

Similar situation here. He won’t go to her but mainly as she doesn’t see him much due to distance unfortunately. Then she goes a bit OTT and starts getting worked up and makes my husband feel like shit reeling off her health issues when we both work full time and struggle to get time as a family let alone seeing them. Doesn’t help my mum has him during the week and she’s without a doubt his favourite person and MIL knows this makes it really awkward when they live so far away. FIL is much better and happily sits and plays with him without the expectation he’ll go to him.

Thanks everyone. I think I’ll try and speak to her about it, hopefully without making the issue worse.

Good to know this is normal.

@rainbowtea23 your situation sounds really similar to ours. His favourite is my step dad who he sees a lot of as he lives close by.

@Teapotteapot76 doesn’t help his birthday is coming up, I’m heavily pregnant and she wants to monopolise the day saying it’ll be the only one she’ll get to see him for. So far I’ve refused to make any plans just in case baby comes early and I can’t be doing with waiting on them as they criticise things in the house as she won’t be well enough to go out and do anything.

@rainbowtea23 Oof sounds like very hard work! Congrats on the pregnancy. :)

They're 14 months old, I'm not surprised they don't want to be held. Get your MIL to get on the floor and play

Exactly. MIL needs to understand that she cannot dictate what toddler thinks and feels. Getting down on the floor and playing with toys is what works.