When does it get better - advice needed

[Lolxe]

DD is 7 months old, her sleep has never been great but was manageable until she was 4 months now it's really terrible and im struggling to know what to do. She is EBF and doesn't take a bottle of dummy. We are weaning but she doesn't eat a lot yet.
Our typical night is feeding her to sleep at around 7 and then shes up again by 8:30pm, fed to sleep then up again around 10, it continues all night where is up every 1 hour 30 minutes and then fed back to sleep. I can't go on doing this mentally, in close to tears most of the day and feel I'm not being a good mother to my other child as I'm so tired all the time

What should I do? I've tried not feeding to sleep and instead rocking but she just wakes up sooner. Should we sleep train? Ride it out and hope things get better? Has anyone been in this position before and found a way to get baby to sleep longer stints?

Oh love I feel you, those endless days of exhaustion are so tough. I read and read and read parenting forums and advice blogs with my son who would wake every 45-90 minutes without fail. Tried wake to sleep, stretching naps, sleep training, little ones schedule. In hindsight I think he was just going to do what he was going to do.

I would focus on finding ways to work with the baby, if you can. That was the real game changer for us. With both babies once exhaustion truly set in I introduced a bottle of expressed milk so my husband could do the late shift and I would often be in bed by 8pm. My partner would then do the evening wakes and feeds until he was going to bed. I'd do the night shift and at about 5.30am (or when the oldest woke up the second time around) he would come back in and take the baby (or babies) out for a walk for an hour or two so I could get another good stretch to start the day.

When my daughter was small it was so much harder to rest with a biggun around. But I introduced an hour of audiobooks during baby naptime where we'd snuggle up together and listen to stories, and I'd more often than not fall asleep.

Sometimes it's best to accept it for what it is, and think of ways to work around the situation you're in rather than battling to get them to fit into your expectations.

Sending strength, hopefully it's just a phase and a full tummy of solids will help get some longer stretches!

Thanks, we've tried so many different types of bottle but she just won't take one, if she did we would split up with the nights or take turns.
Everyone keeps telling me that it'll get easier soon but feels like there no end in sight, do you remember when you babies started sleeping for longer stretch's, is there anything you did?

Hi OP, no insight I can provide unfortunately but following with interest as I’m in the same position, baby turned 7 months last week and feeds roughly 4-5 times during the night (8-8.30pm bedtime and awake at 7am). Baby also Ebf and won’t take a bottle or a dummy, we are currently cosleeping so that can feed baby laying on my side and he goes to sleep during the feed. I know he needs to go in his own room soon but selfishly I can’t be going in every 1.5-2 hours. We’ve tried stretching out the last wake window to 3.5 hours which does get us a 3 hour stint, but the first feed is still always before midnight and then every 1.5-2 hours after. I tried just rocking him last night but he cried and shakes his head looking to latch on, and actively drinks each time too so I’m not even sure it’s just for comfort.

It’s so hard and I have no idea what to do, but wanted you to know you’re not alone 🤍

Sorry. This was DS1 exactly. He needed it between every sleep cycle, hence 90 minutes. It’s nothing to do with hunger, it’s just an extremely strong sleep association that commonly happens in breastfed babies , especially those fed to sleep. The only thing that worked was stopping feeding to sleep and night weaning at about 10 months. He slept through within a week or so. I think 7 months is probably a little young to night wean, but you could slowly start trying to stop feeding to sleep? It might not be the magic bullet but it might be useful in the long term.

Firstly it's so so tough and very hard to see the wood from the trees when your in it.

All I can tell you is what worked for us. I bed shared with hourly wake ups/feed back to sleeps for 7-8 months until I just couldn't do it anymore.

My DH had to completely take over bed time. We moved DDs night feed back to before bath and then once dressed DH would do stories, rock to sleep then lay down with her in our bed until he could roll away. There were tears, and deep protest from DD but she was cuddled/rocked/sung to the whole time. First night she did 7.30-3 and I would then get in bed with her.

Within days she was sleeping through. We then started transitioning to her cot.

(Disclaimer, we had bed guards on both sides of the bed and a monitor. Yes, our 8 month old was sleeping in our super king bed alone while we were relegated to the spare double!)

This is the answer. Breaking the breastfeeding to sleep association
. Sleep training gets such a bad rap and of course is a misnomer as you can't 'train' a baby to sleep- but when you withdraw the association (breastfeeding) that is causing them to wake then they'll immediately start doing longer stretches. This post demonstrates that you don't have to leave them crying alone - dh staying and supporting as they cry (which is just tired crying! As they're desperately tired but initially can't just fall asleep without boob) is a great solution. Tell him to be strong and you go somewhere else so you're not tempted to cave in. It worked for me with two children. You don't have to night wean at the same time, you can still feed for any wakeup later in the night once they've been down for 4 hours or more

Thank you for the advice, yes the feeding to sleep association is very strong. I have been trying to just rock her to sleep but maybe she smells the breastmilk? My DH has attempted but she just cries herself sick and I don't think he has the patience to hear her cry so I always take over and eventually feed her to sleep for our sanity. It's so hard but I'll speak to him about taking over the nights and see how we get on
Did your DH rock baby to sleep and then lay in the bed when baby had fallen asleep?

Sounds like you need to stop feeding to sleep. That's going to be quite tough on you I'm afraid (have to admit it's not the route I've taken, I pteferred to feed to sleep till they were much older) but lots of people do it and it's not like you can look at a child and know which ones were sleep trained....

I would suggest persevering with the dummy for a while if possible. Baby might not take it from you but might from DH? My eldest never took a bottle from me, but would from DH or DMum, and my boys were less stubborn but still definitely less cooperative with me on that score. I had to be in hospital with one child for a couple of days and was very worried about leaving 1 year old with my DMum. He had taken bottles, but not at night and never as a way to settle to sleep. My mum had no issue with him - he did wake for bottles, but she said he had a bottle, took a dummy and fell asleep in her arms. He would NEVER have done that for me, he'd have been screaming for a breastfeed.

Good luck OP! Whatever you decide, babies are tough. Look after yourself as much as you can - daytime naps help. Sleep when baby sleeps - there's a reason so many people say it! To hell with the housework.

It's tough! We started with the easiest wakes - ie the 8.30pm, and stopped breast feeding at that one. Mine wouldn't settle for DH, so I had to do it. It's hard, and especially initially they wake up a bit sooner at their next wake, but after a few days they get used to it. Then do it for the next easiest wake up, eg 10 pm. The hardest ones for me were the 1-5am wakes! But at least were getting fewer wakes. Good luck!

He didn't rock or lie down with baby as that can just replace one sleep association with another- he just shushed and patted and sometimes picked up and cuddled (briefly) when the crying got too much. But remember the goal isn't to stop the crying, it's just to reassure them and yourself that you are there and they're OK. It is a difficult process, its hard for them to get used to falling asleep without the boob/rocking/dummy etc but ultimately much easier than them having to wake up and cry for you between sleep cycles and you losing your mind from lack of sleep. Your dh needs to toughen up and commit though as baby will have cried for nothing if you ultimately end up going in and feeding to sleep - it will be confusing and send the baby mixed messages. Perhaps you could go away for a night or two while he tackles it- if he can't stand the crying he could do ferber- style check- ins rather than stay and support.