Dreading return to work after maternity leave

[rhaenyra01]

I’m due to return to work in two weeks after 9 months of maternity leave. Every time I think about it, I get a sick anxious feeling in my stomach and just dread it more and more the closer it gets.

I didn’t mind my job before I went on ML, however two of my colleagues have left since I’ve been away due to a new manager and apparent bullying culture in the workplace. It’s also an hour commute and I’m just dreading being away from DD for so long. I absolutely love spending every minute I can with my little girl, she’s my absolute world. We’ve got into such a good daily routine and I’m worried about disrupting her by having to wake her up so early in the morning to take her to my parents/in laws to watch her while DH and I are at work, and picking her up late.

I broke down crying to DH last night saying I didn’t want to go back to work but we really can’t manage financially if I don’t go back.

Did anyone feel similar about going back to work from mat leave? Did your little one cope well with the change?

I felt like this when I returned from mat leave and I know many of my friends did too. It’s normal, we have so much pressure on us trying to balance it all. The mum guilt is real but you will find a new routine.

I have to wake my little girl up earlier than she would normally like to get up and at first it was tough but now she’s adjusted to the new sleep pattern. She has a great day with her grandparents and now I cherish every time I have off with her.

I know it’s hard but try not to worry about the new manager just now. Yes some people have left but you’re only getting one side of the story. Just go back with an open mind and see how it goes.

Are you returning full time or part time? If it’s full time do you have an option to go part time, even for a short while?

What you’re feeling is completely normal. I’ll be honest and say it will be an adjustment as you learn to balance being a mum and working but I returned in August and now in a October I’ve got a good balance and able to manage things quite well. You just need to be really good of prioritising, need to be good with leaving work at work and trying to switch off. I have to work when my little one goes to bed but whilst she’s up we enjoy our time together.

Your little one will be fine. It's always worst for the mum!

I don't know if it's any help, but my attitude changed so much since I went back from maternity leave: my priorities shifted and I don't get as stressed or as worried at work as I used to. I still love my work and I want to do my absolute best, but little things don't get to me as easily.

It's normal to stress/worry about various things around this time. The good thing I think is that your DD can spend the days with her grandparents. My DD and I are visiting my family at the moment so I leave her with my parents a lot while I am out and about and I love the way she has bonded with them, all little games they play and overall have fun together. I think it will do good for both of you.

Try not to think too much about the new manager. Go with an open mind and deal with any issues as they arise.

You will find a new weekday routine, it will be busy but you get into the swing of it quickly. Your parents and inlaws will love having your daughter and it will widen her world. It's brilliant you have family support.

Are you going back full time? I did both times and it was ok. I still had weekends, bank holidays, annual leave and I took some unpaid parental leave too. I'm part-time now and it's great but we miss the money! If you're childcare is flexible could you do compressed hours?

Yep, it's tough!

I have just started mat leave in preparation for having DC4. My current 3 are all well balanced and happy. I've always been part timesince having children, but I think children adapt very well to different circumstances as long as there is love and stability. Make the time you dohave with them as nice as possible.

Hi OP, I hope you’re okay. Is it your first day back tomorrow? My first day after mat leave is tomorrow too, and I feel the same as you do, you’re not alone, there is no one thinking this is easy.

Look how supportive all the comments are. Everyone knows how tough this is for us, and hopefully your colleagues will help you through it, and make the transition as easy as possible. I have just moved house so I am actually starting a new job tomorrow, so I don’t know anyone, and they just think I’m new, they don’t know it’s my first day leaving DD (10 months) with the new nanny.

I’ve been crying all day, and couldn’t sleep, but I agree with PP - it’s harder for us Mums than the babies, who usually love their new childcare and new entertainment. Just cannot wait for that first cuddle when I get home!

It’s helped me to get all my clothes ready, dig out a fave outfit, pack a lunch, plan tomorrow’s dinner, and try to feel really on top of things. DH has even washed my car! Very best of luck to you, I hope the day whizzes by, everyone gives you the grace you need, and LO is happy and settled in childcare.

Go back part time using annual leave if you can. 3 days a week for a few weeks will be much gentler than straight to full time. I take it there's no wfh? You'll still need childcare but it would save on the commute.

Hello all, just checking in on how you ladies got on with your return to work after maternity leave? I hope everything went well!
I started searching this topic as I am going through exactly what you spoke about above and I am absolutely dreading it - but very much uplifted by the lovely comments on here 🤗

When my mat leave finished I was still in a mother and baby unit with treatment resistant pnd. I was discharged at almost 13 months and then I started a phased return. I started with 2 days a week and after 2 months I was up to 4 days a week and I ended my sick leave leave here and formally went 3 days a week

It is tempting to use you accrued annual leave to have more weeks with the baby but I found it really helpful in those first couple of months to catch up with life whilst I figured out how working and being a mum was going to work. It also allowed me time to figure out a working pattern that would work for me. I can't work more than 2 days at a time so I take Wednesdays off.

I do 1-2 days in the office which is a 1h commute. The other 2 days are at home which is a 20-30 minutes commute as we have chosen a nursery next to my preferred train station as my local one would have resulted in my loosing 15 minutes a day at work and cost me £2 a day more.

We almost exclusively do online shopping as this allows me to do the shop in manageable chunks on the train and during my lunch breaks and whilst I'm lay in my daughter bed making sure she's asleep enough for me to sneak out.

I am NOT a morning person. I really struggled not helped by sedating medication. On a Sunday evening I pack my daughter nursery bag with enough space clothes to last a typical weeks - 4 sets, when she was little she might need a top up on a Wednesday too. I lay out 3 sets of clothes for her to wear Monday and Tuesday (so 6 top and trouser combination for my fussy toddler!) And my own clothes. Lunch is prepared the night before. In the mornings all I have to do is make myself coffee, daughter oat milk - whilst the kettle is boiling bags are put by the front door and coats and shoes are put on the bottom step ready to go on as we come doen the stairs. Dress us both and so teeth then we are out the door. My best is 12 minutes but had to sacrifice the coffee average time is 20-30 minutes. My daughter does not come downstairs until we are going out the front door and doors to rooms with toys in stay shut.

A lot of my anxiety about work relate to being able to get juggle home and work life and find if I can start the day on a positive it goes easier. The dread of not remembering everything and not getting where I need on time drags into the day. My partner most days is on back up for nursery collection and pick ups for illness. This releases the pressure on me if I can't finish on time and have to get a later train. We had to be buy a second seat which probably wasn't worth the money for the 11 minutes a week she uses it but it has given me freedom. Said little monkey sucked a car key to death so we couldn't just swap cars.

Don't be afraid of voicing anxieties you will probably find others have felt simit. I think I definitely benefited from it a return from sick leave rathe than a return from mat leave because there was an assumption that it would be an adjustment for the first 2-6 weeks. It does get easier and if it doesn't look at what would make it easier

Would your parents or in laws go to yours instead ?

Can you
*use accrued annual leave/BHs to shorten your weeks for a while
*put in a flexible working request to work from home some days/compress your week so you can have a day at home?

Yes. I extended my mat leave to take the full 12 months and then added on AL so didn’t go back until DD was 13.5 months. By then I felt much better about it. I still found it hard but a few weeks in it was fine.

It might just be too soon @rhaenyra01

I also dropped a day a week and “Mummy Monday’s” have been ace. We do something fun every week just the two of us.

I feel the same. Can you take a loan or use savings to get a month or two more on mat leave? Or accrued annual leave? That's what I'm doing so that I can stay on mat leave until my dad is 13 months.
After this age when they start crawling and cruising it does get tougher at home so I'm starting to see why colleagues describe work as 'a break'.

This is my plan! Mondays are a good day to have 'off' too as you get bonus annual leave as you're not getting bank holidays paid off.

You sound like you've done so well what an inspirational mama you are! Good tips for when I go back to work and have to manage the mornings alone