How much freedom does your 10 year old have?

[Tisfortired]

Since DS1 turned 10 (year 5) a few days ago I have been thinking about how much responsibility I let him have, I think I might be being too restrictive and wondering what others do.

We live in a row of 3 houses on a main road. He has two friends next door, and one friend on the street adjacent. The back of our 3 houses is a big area where we park, but there is also around half a football field area of space, the back gardens are generously sized too. Next door have put up a big wooden climbing frame thing which everyone plays on and we have football goals and a picnic table in ours where they all play trading cards. This mostly has satisfied DS up to now, he comes and goes as he pleases, he knows he is not to leave the back area although I have just (a couple of weeks ago) allowed him to go and knock on for his friend who lives on the next street.

He has recently been asking me if he can go to the shops (about 5 mins and one road to cross but this road is quite busy as it’s the one leading to the shops car park) and the park (less than 5 mins) and I just don’t feel comfortable with it. It’s not so much that I don’t trust him but I worry about situations he might find himself in with older kids or dodgy adults.

He doesn’t have a mobile yet, was planning to get one next summer before year 6. I was reading older threads on this topic and others were saying that their 10 year olds were making tea/coffee, simple dinners, that they left them for 30 mins here and there while they nipped out, we don’t do any of those things. Should I be giving him more responsibility?

Is there a pedestrian crossing to get across the big road? My just turned 9 year old is allowed go to the shop by himself (probably a 5 minute walk), go to the library alone and I'd leave him home watching tv for twenty minutes while i drop/collect his brother from karate. But all kids are different and i think you just know when they're ready for more responsibility. There are plenty of 9/10 year olds on my street who aren't allowed go anywhere alone yet and that's probably the right call for them.

My youngest is 9 in Y5. She is allowed to go to the postbox and nearest shop (only one road to cross) and I’ve started leaving her 100yds away from school in the morning (one road to cross with the lollipop lady). I haven’t left her home alone.
By the end of Y6 I’d expect her to be walking to and from school herself (hopefully with a friend) and I’d also let her go to the park with a friend. She’ll get a phone for 11th birthday. This has worked ok with my older 2 to be ready to travel independently to secondary school.
I think any of those things you suggest are ok at that age as long as the individual child is sensible and has a back up plan.

I have a nearly 11 year old and she has, since 10, been allowed to walk to friends one road up, walk dog, walk to local shop one road up, walk to and from school with friend, go to park with friends after school.

However, I let her do this as we can keep in contact via phone. Can you afford an old school phone? Argos have them for £25. Then he can have a bit more freedom and you can feel less worried about it. We use GIFs gaff and pay £6 month for a sim.

I'll add that DD has ASD and extremely anxious so these are things she feels comfortable with. Probably let her have more if she wanted it. She's year 6 though.

How good is he at crossing roads when you're walking together? Does he know where and when its safe to cross and demonstrate that? If you're not sure then have him take the lead while you're out walking and see if he knows how to cross safely. I'd want to know he could cross the road safely before letting him go, that's the biggest risk really. Start with small steps, like you've already been doing, and slowly increase freedom and responsibility. I'd give him a phone if you do decide he can go to the park but it doesn't have to be a smart phone if you don't want him getting one of those yet.

DD could go pretty much all over town at 10, but she had been walking to school by herself for a long time before that and I knew her to be sensible and I live in a small reasonably safe town with low levels of traffic. And could stay home by herself.

I would be starting to let him go to the shop in daylight hours. Also I’d be giving him more responsibility at home. My 10 year old can create herself some basic meals. It’s a very important life skill.

My Y6 is allowed to and from school himself, turned 10 in the summer and occasionally to the shop across the road, nowhere else though. He doesn't have a phone and won't get one until Y7 which makes a difference. He can't make tea and although he knows how to do a freezer type meal I've never left him to do one. He can vacuum though lol

Just turned 11 Yr old now. But when he was 10, we allowed him walk to the shop with a fried, approximately 7 min walk and one road to cross. He can now walk there alone at 11. We started to leave him home on his own for 10-15 minute slots if we had to pop to the shops. We would now leave him for 30mins to an hour if we were close by (in neighbours for example). Food wise, he doesn't use the oven but can do beans on toast, scrambled eggs etc. Will teach him to make some basic meals next summer.

All kids are different and one 10yo might be more mature than another. Only you'll know what your DS is capable of. At 10yo I was being paid to do ironing at home, using the washing machine, I could cook a good few meals. I was also allowed to get the bus into the next town to go shopping. I was always older than my years though, oldest of 4.

I let my 10yo go to school and hobbies alone, but I don't let her 'play out' or be at home alone. She can use the toaster and air fryer, but not the kettle.

It is impossible to answer really because so many things can affect your decision to allow your child more freedom. Having said that though, I do think that children are much more intelligent, stronger and more resilient than we in the UK give them credit for.

My just turned 11 y old can call for friends on the street and on the street about half a mile away where school is. They walk to and from school, go to the park that's down the street and across the busy main road (there is a crossing), as well as to the shop. They have a phone controlled with Google family link. There are no SEND to take into account though and is very sensible.

Oh yes, and can use the grill, kettle, air fryer, oven, microwave etc and has stayed home alone for up to half an hour with no issues.

OP mine is the exact same age as yours.
I haven't left mine at home yet (even while I pop to corner shop) I haven't let her go to corner shop. She doesn't have a phone.
She makes a tea/coffee for me occasionally. She can make bacon, and eggs and pancakes but that's it really.
So to me, it sounds pretty much like your set up.
I think what you're doing is absolutely fine.
Before I even think about leaving mine for 5 minutes I need a phone for those occasions so I have a means of contacting her so that'll be the next thing to think about! I don't really want to think about it to be honest. Apart from anything else it's another expensive , another thing to add to the to do list

My 10 year old doesn't go out by himself as we live rurally, there are no other kids nearby and the road we live on is a single track road with no footpaths.

I would trust him to go out otherwise in every way except crossing the road. He had asd and adhd and really just forgets to look 🙈. He is allowed into shops etc while we wait in car, he can cook himself a meal and make cups of tea etc.

It depends on the child and the area.

My 11 year old has been allowed out to play since she was 6.

To start with just to the park round the corner.

This has progressed over the years to a wider area and she's been allowed to the local shops (Tescos, McDonald's) about 1km away since she was 9.

She has recently been allowed to take the bus with friends into town to go swimming or to the cinema.

My older child did similar.

This is all completely normal where I live in Scotland.

Dc can knock for the other kids in our cul de sac and my Y6 has just started walking halfway home from school but I meet her where she needs to cross the road. She will get a phone for her 11th birthday. I leave her home alone if I'm walking somewhere but not if I'm driving.

I grew up rurally so I had no freedom at all, I couldn't go anywhere without my parents giving me a lift until I could drive. As a result I find it almost impossible to judge what is normal in a more suburban setting! As far as I can see none of dd1's friends have any freedom though, they are all still accompanied on every school run etc.