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Original poster

Height discrimination

35 replies

Poppet77 · 14/10/2023 22:15

So my daughter is 9 and pretty small for her age. She is also an August birthday so young for her Y5 year group. We moved school this year due to our work and overall she has settled well. However, she revealed tonight that one child in her form has told her she deserved to die because she was so small and should be in year 2 where most children were taller than her. She is a highly confident child but tonight I saw that she was starting to show a poor self image with regard to her height. She has apparently had numerous comments about this but had never experience unkindess about her height in her last school. One thing she particularly does not like is the height chart on the wall in her classroom with everyone's height...she is right at the bottom and quite a lot lower than the next person. Is it me or is this really not a good thing to have on the wall of a classroom of Y5 kids?! Some kids have been using this to tease her. But basically it is a form of discrimination on difference and no different to an IQ chart, skin colour, weight chart, etc. Every time she looks at it she feels different and others are helping to make her feel that this is something to be ashamed of. Breaks my heart to see my bubbly confident daughter be affected by this.

OP posts:
Pipersouth · 14/10/2023 22:20

I agree it shouldn’t be referred to in class. DS8 is over a head smaller than most of his classmates and he would be upset to be shown to be the “one behind” when he is not able to change it. Is it worth mentioning it to the teacher? They may not realise it’s being used in this way.

Boredinthehuse · 14/10/2023 22:26

Oh sorry OP, kids can be so mean!
I'd definitely have a word with the teacher and explain the situation. Not sure why why should have a height chart anyway?
I remember when I was in Year 7 of an all girls school we were learning about height and weight and they put everyone's height and weight up on the wall. The teacher actually pointed out that even though I wasn't the tallest in the class I was the heaviest. This was probably only by a few pounds but stuck with me for years and created some terrible body image issues. Hope this is resolved quickly for your DD

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 14/10/2023 22:29

At the other end of the scale, my DD hates the one in her class because she is the tallest. It’s the first thing people say to her and it never seems to be that positive. In her class, the small girls are referred to as ‘cute’ and that really upsets her.

I would absolutely talk to the teacher about the unkind things the other child said and how upsetting she finds the chart.

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jessyjo2 · 14/10/2023 23:04

Definitely agree with speaking to the teacher. Teacher probably doesn't realise its causing an issue. However no different than a chart with weight etc, just not appropriate.

Original poster
Poppet77 · 26/10/2023 22:44

So the update to raising concerns about the height chart is that if it is causing an issue for my daughter with regard to being picked on, then they can remove her from the chart but the chart remains. The heights will be re-done in terms 2 and 3 to track growth. So with this development it's a lot worse than before in fact! Why measure something the kids have literally no control over, and what if the difference become more pronounced due to lack of growth. It becomes a potentially humiliating shaming exercise. As it is, my daughter asked me to measure her at home since the height chart in case she had grown to find she was 3 smaller than recorded on the chart. Which caused some distress. Imagine if they made an error in term 1 and in term 2 she measured smaller!! I just see no educational value and a lot of discrimination. And removing her name just draws more attention to it and highlights that it must be something to be ashamed of or hidden. Totally backward thinking in my opinion but not sure where to go from here.

OP posts:
LoLoBlimey · 26/10/2023 22:49

Why would they track growth in school? I've never heard this and 100% would opt my dc out, no matter their height. It's bonkers. How old fashioned.

Nothankyou22 · 26/10/2023 22:57

My daughters the same age, also an august baby and the smallest along with one other in her class, she gets upset at the comments as I’m quite tall 5ft 9 which the kids think is weird that I’m tall and she’s small, they pick her up which she hates.
At first I said to just ignore it and you’ll grow eventually but now I tell her to stand up for herself and she loves giving the sass.

Nousernamesleftatall · 26/10/2023 22:58

This is so wrong. It’s not a competition. The taller feel just as awkward. It’s none of their business and I would ask on what basis they felt able to judge? They are not medical professionals. Contact a lawyers group. Many would help with a free letter for something like this.

HappyCamperTent · 26/10/2023 23:01

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 14/10/2023 22:29

At the other end of the scale, my DD hates the one in her class because she is the tallest. It’s the first thing people say to her and it never seems to be that positive. In her class, the small girls are referred to as ‘cute’ and that really upsets her.

I would absolutely talk to the teacher about the unkind things the other child said and how upsetting she finds the chart.

Edited

My dd is the same! She’s 10 and is becoming more self conscious of it because the boys are still shorter.

I keep trying to explain that everyone eventually evens out… but it’s
hard for them in the present

Changethetoner · 26/10/2023 23:02

If it's for a health monitoring thing, then it's okay if they measure and record the heights. But there is no good reason why it has to be ON DISPLAY. It could be folded up and put in a cupboard, and brought out for measuring day.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 26/10/2023 23:04

I'd speak to the teacher once more and if that doesn't result in it being taken down I'd escalate the complaint, head of year or deputy head depending on your school set up. The fact they're measuring again doesn't mean it can't be put away till then. That's the least I'd want done. My DD is shortest by so much and one of the youngest, I know she gets teased about her height and is self conscious, but not to this extent thankfully. I don't remember getting teased about being really short in school, it may change cohort to cohort. I think it's completely reasonable to ask for something that's causing a student this much distress and leading to unkind teasing to be taken down and I would keep escalating this issue until it gets appropriately dealt with.

Ponderingwindow · 26/10/2023 23:10

I’m trying to think of a positive reason for this exercise . I suppose it’s a practical means of teaching children about measuring and giving them a real intuitive sense of length. It also models the skills of data collection and tracking trends. Depending on age you could also calculate statistics or just talk about observed patterns of distribution as a way to introduce the concept of statistics . So actually as I write, I’ve talked myself into understand how this can be an incredibly useful classroom tool.

so I suppose the bigger question is a child’s height protected information. It is medical information, but it is also observable to everyone who sees the child.

dd was definitely the target of some teasing in her early years. I don’t think any neurodiverse child manages to get through school without that hurdle. Ironically, being the shortest in the class by far was always true, but was never what the bullies chose to target.

Original poster
Poppet77 · 26/10/2023 23:12

Thanks a lot for the responses. It is definitely not being used to measure for medical reasons. As was explained to me, it is to celebrate the similarities and differences. Except nobody is celebrating her being small or will be celebrating if she doesn't grow between term 1 and 2. May as well bring in weight charts too and celebrate if anyone puts on or loses weight over the year. It just seems bonkers. I have escalated it so I really hope someone sees sense. Taking her name off the chart doesn't fix anything either. What would the narrative be at the term 2 measuring time when she is the only one not participating? How to make her feel even more of an odd one out!

OP posts:
Original poster
Poppet77 · 26/10/2023 23:29

@Ponderingwindow I agree that the data collection itself is useful and could be used for in depth analysis. But dont think it should be done on something where it could lead to obvious discrimination and picking on at an age where this is at a peak time for bullying. Would you also be ok with a weight chart for the same reason as described? Skin colour is obvious and may make a nice classroom display and could measure to see whether skin becomes darker in the summer. Would you be ok with this chart too? It's visible and not 'protected' information after all. Just because something is not protected information doesnt make it ok to make and highlight differences that may be perceived as negative by children who are at age who tend to pick out differences in a negative way.

OP posts:
NotMyCatLady · 27/10/2023 00:01

Arguably they are collecting longitudinal health data on the children without ethical approval or consent and worse still displaying it in a fully identifiable manner in a public place.

ErrolTheDragon · 27/10/2023 00:12

As was explained to me, it is to celebrate the similarities and differences.

Well it's clearly failing terribly, as one child in her form has told her she deserved to die because she was so small and should be in year 2 where most children were taller than her Shock. Did you tell the teacher that part clearly, that far from being 'celebrated' she's being bullied in a very nasty way?

Original poster
Poppet77 · 27/10/2023 02:02

@Errolthedragon yes sadly I have made it very much known ecactly what was said to her by way of unkind comments. The response was that this and any other comment will be dealt with (while continuing to celebrate the differences with the chart 😬).

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 27/10/2023 02:08

I’m short, and I am genuinely bemused when people trip themselves up trying to avoid saying ‘short’ to me.
I am short. It should be an observation, not a judgement.
The other kids absolutely shouldn’t be saying such shitty things to her. I hope she doesn’t grow up thinking she is less than, just because she is short ( no pun intended).
My thought is that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it, so no point stressing.

Somanycats · 27/10/2023 02:14

What about celebrating a few other differences, not just height. How about suggesting BMI of the staff group, or their ability to do press ups? It could be remeasured every few weeks, maybe in an assembly and everyone could celebrate the fact that some of them are much less healthy than others

Original poster
Poppet77 · 27/10/2023 02:24

@Somanycats haha, yes exactly this. It's just bonkers that that is not entirely obvious to the teacher. Maybe it is obviousvnow that it's being pointed out but they do not want to lose face and admit this or he seen to take it down in response to questioning (more than they care about potential harm done). So instead come up with some ridiculous positive about how celebratory it is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Poppet77 · 27/10/2023 02:33

@Dotcheck exactly, I am similarly short and never had an issue with this. But also never been picked on. I think children can just sniff out any perceived difference and decide this is a bad thing that can lead to discrimination and bullying. I thankfully did not have this experience as a child, maybe due to the mix if peers in my school or due to how the school handled such things. But I do know that height is quite a common feature that is chosen to pick on by children. Perhaps because it correlates with age and to look a lot younger than your age is generally not looked on positively by children, who tend to look up and respect those older than them.

OP posts:
Gro · 27/10/2023 03:43

I would escalate to governors. Their height development is medical information and to display it in class is a huge GDPR breach!

Someoneonlyyouknow · 27/10/2023 03:44

Does your DD have a skill that is measurable that the class could all try and chart the results? Balancing on one leg, fast runner, great at spelling? She doesn't even need to be the best in the class, just near the top. If they're celebrating differences and similarities surely a range of criteria would be more useful - eye colour won't change, height and weight may but only one of those down to behaviour, other skills can be learned or improved. Lots of learning opportunities for a resourceful teacher.

The horrible bullying needs dealt with promptly

Planesplanesplanes · 27/10/2023 07:20

Talk to the teacher.

I imagine the height chart is part of a maths measuring activity.

@Gro the governors will just tell you to go back and follow the school’s complaints policy.

Superscientist · 27/10/2023 15:32

This just breaks my heart. I have an August born 1st percentile child who is due to start school next year.

Height measurements are notorious to get right. Between two hospital appointments 4 weeks apart my daughter shrank 4 cm!

They have a chart outside her nursery room and she is on the bottom rung with 5 other children and my daughter is 8 cm smaller than her measurement at the hospital.

I had to have a chat with our nursery because my daughter has come home a couple of times recently upset that someone has called her tiny and she's big. Our nursery has done the opposite and are going to make sure that she isn't singled out for being small and keep an ear out for her being called tiny.

Even if the chart is for a class given the raised issue they could at the very least only bring it out for the exercise so there isn't in her face every day. I would keep raising the exclusion of your child

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