Issues with the father of my children

[ldsmum]

Just wondering other people's thoughts. Apologies if in the wrong section.

I have two children, both in primary school, both with the same person. Been split up for 6 years now.
I live with the children and he lives with his girlfriend 12 miles away.
Up until recently he only saw the children whenever he could be bothered and he was never happy about doing "all the driving" as he calls it. Now bear in mind they live with me and i work part time during the day while they're at school, and i pretty much do everything for them. He pays £250 per month maintenance, usually always on time. He is very uninterested in their lives, school etc.
I went to mediation and he reluctantly came to an agreement to have the children every other weekend from friday after school until sunday midday on the strict condition that i drive them to where he lives on the friday and he brings them back to me on the sunday.
Recently there was an issue with something his partner said to the children, i approached him about it, and she got angry and aggressively text me ranting that i should have gone to her instead of him and she disputed what was said to the children and called them liars. Nothing from her to them was abusive or anything but it mattered enough to me to mention it, i'll leave it at that.
So i have contacted the father and told him i am no longer going to be driving them to him on the fridays due to the aggression from his girlfriend towards me (i drive them to their house alone with the children) and i have told him he has full access to his children almost whenever he wants (except for when they're in school and after school clubs etc) and that from now on he has to come and pick them up and bring them back when he wants.

I do everything for my children, absolutely everything, he does next to nothing for them. I'm not trying to slag him off, it is almost zero what he does with them and for them. Am i out of order for not doing any of the driving? Or should this adult man with his own car 12 miles away pick up his kids and bring them back?

I should add that after i told him he has to now do his own driving he said that he is now "no longer able" to have the children on these agreed weekends because i am no longer sticking to our agreement. I would have thought a father would just get in his car and come get his kids? 12 miles is hardly a long journey

I wouldn't facilitate his relationship with them, that's down to him.

I agree with Cosycardigans.

You're trying to force a relationship. I know it's wrong but sadly that's the man he is.

Leave him to it OP. You'll soon see how much his kids mean to him.

I take it legally he has to do his own driving?

YANBU at all.

My ex is equally uninterested but I've always refused to drive ds the 85 miles to see him.

When ex complained bitterly about the fact he 'did all the driving and why couldn't we share it?' I pointed out that I do 10 school runs a week (14 miles x 10 =140) plus swimming lessons, shoe shopping, doctors, dentists, sports days, drop-off & pickups from friends. I have ds 345 nights per year.

I also do all the cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, food shopping, clothes buying, helping with homework, and general organising and problem solving. He drives down and back on a Sunday !

I haven't had a peep out of him since. 😂

Did he move 12 miles away ? If so, it’s up to him really.

Sincle splitting up we've always lived a similar distance apart, the odd few miles here and there. Why would it matter even if it was me that moved 12 miles away? It's a short distance in the grand scheme of things, and i do 99% of the parenting at the least...

Apart from your slightly longer school run i'd say i'm the same. More children that will grow up without a father simply because he cannot be bothered. Imagine refusing to see your kids because of a short car journey

It's clear that seeing his children is a chore for him.

Message him to let him know that you've contacted CMS to get them to increase their collection of £ from him to compensate for him no longer having the children over night and then disengage.

He either wants to be in his DCs lives or he doesn't.

Newsflash to your ex: being a parent takes a bit of effort 🙄

Yanbu to think 12 miles is tiny. He is showing his true colours with this stunt. Imagine 12 miles being an excuse not to see your kids... appalling.

YANBU. This behaviour shames dads everywhere. I agree with PP; leave him to it. If he doesn't care enough to make the journey, he's not worth your kids' time. I'm sorry he's let them down.

It's unfathomable how he's not biting your arm off to see his two beautiful children who he shared a roof with for the first few years of their life.