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Parenting

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Original poster

Worried about reception teachers comments

16 replies

SOSreflux · 13/10/2023 23:35

Please be kind - I’m not in a great place at the moment which could be why this is troubling me.

4YO DS just started in reception. He is very emotional and it can be quite challenging. In the last year of nursery one teacher suggested there may be SEN but we moved him to a preschool where he was much happier and they didn’t think there was anything of concern. It can be quite difficult to manage and I find myself constantly wondering if this is normal age appropriate behaviour. I flagged this in general chats with school when he was starting.

Chatting to reception teacher today and she said ‘he really does like to get his own way and it can cause a lot of problems’ she said more along those lines and then went on to say that a lot of the class have a what about what I want mentality. It felt like she doesn’t particularly like him. He does want his own way all the time and it causes problems at home too as we don’t let him have his own way all the time.

It’s left me feeling upset that my child isn’t likeable and I hate the thought of him being with someone who doesn’t like him. I also don’t know what to do to change his behaviour or if he is even capable of changing

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Worriedmotheroftwo · 14/10/2023 00:05

Did the teacher offer any suggestions?

WhateverMate · 14/10/2023 00:08

Don't take it personally.

A teacher doesn't have to like or dislike a child in order to speak to the parents about the behaviour.

They're just doing their job and they'd do it whether they liked the child or not.

Circumferences · 14/10/2023 00:14

Oh wow your child sounds so normal!

I had so many problems during the reception years, such as Monday-itus, inability to share, refusal to eat a school, etc.
He's a very normal child nowadays.

I think teachers are often exhausted so might not say the perfect thing and it's normal to worry what they mean.

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Circumferences · 14/10/2023 00:14

^Eat at school

StarlightLime · 14/10/2023 00:16

She said it causes problems (which you already know, it does at home, too), not that she has any personal animosity towards him.

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 14/10/2023 00:37

Why do you think she doesn't like him?

RosiePeel · 14/10/2023 00:50

But he does want his own way all the time?

Littlefish · 14/10/2023 01:12

I think it would be worth you asking for a meeting with the teacher. Given that his first nursery also expressed some concerns, it is worth you finding out whether, in the teacher's opinion, your ds's 'wanting to get things his own way' falls within the normal
Behavioural expectations for his age.

If not, ask for the SENDCo to be involved in a subsequent discussion about appropriate support within the classroom/playground, or referral to speech and language/paediatrician etc.

Original poster

SOSreflux · 14/10/2023 07:53

Worriedmotheroftwo · 14/10/2023 00:05

Did the teacher offer any suggestions?

No it just felt like a bit of a moan. I did ask what would she like me to do with this information. We don’t let him get his own way at home so it’s not as if we can just tighten up on that and he’ll get the message (which I think is what most people assume)

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Original poster

SOSreflux · 14/10/2023 07:56

WhateverMate · 14/10/2023 00:08

Don't take it personally.

A teacher doesn't have to like or dislike a child in order to speak to the parents about the behaviour.

They're just doing their job and they'd do it whether they liked the child or not.

He spends more time with the teacher than me. I don’t expect her to like all of his behaviour but I feel sad to think of him spending so much time with someone who doesn’t particularly like him. I really didn’t like school and had a hard time of it so I appreciate this will be making be more sensitive

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Original poster

SOSreflux · 14/10/2023 07:58

Circumferences · 14/10/2023 00:14

Oh wow your child sounds so normal!

I had so many problems during the reception years, such as Monday-itus, inability to share, refusal to eat a school, etc.
He's a very normal child nowadays.

I think teachers are often exhausted so might not say the perfect thing and it's normal to worry what they mean.

Thank you for your kind message xx I really hope it’s just normal behaviour. The teacher did say she’s exhausted so maybe she didn’t handle it in the best way. But that makes me think these are her true feelings towards him.

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Original poster

SOSreflux · 14/10/2023 08:00

StarlightLime · 14/10/2023 00:16

She said it causes problems (which you already know, it does at home, too), not that she has any personal animosity towards him.

There was no warmth in how she talked about him, no positives. She’s with him all day, every day, it makes me sad to think of him being around someone who’s not that keen on him

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Original poster

SOSreflux · 14/10/2023 08:04

Littlefish · 14/10/2023 01:12

If not, ask for the SENDCo to be involved in a subsequent discussion about appropriate support within the classroom/playground, or referral to speech and language/paediatrician etc.

Thank you, we have parents evening after half term so I am going to do this. I know people can choose to think well he’s just an unpleasant child who is spoilt at home and he needs to learn he can’t always get what he wants. But for whatever reason he is struggling with this, he doesn’t always get what he wants, he’s never always got what he wants and he continues to react like this and be unable to see that other people have wants and needs that are important too

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Hiddenvoice · 14/10/2023 08:05

Try not to take it personally, it might have just been a long week. You know yourself that it can cause difficult behaviour so yesterday might have been a particularly difficult day.
She was letting you know as in reception it isn’t always as easy as moving the child away and saying no. They don’t want the child to become upset and potentially then disruptive as it will be very upsetting to that child and maybe other children.

Id try leave it for the weekend and then go in fresh on Monday and see what happens. If more comments are made then request a meeting to ask about next steps.

Original poster

SOSreflux · 14/10/2023 08:05

Thank you for everyone’s replies. I didn’t expect to get any!
Gosh the worry of parenting is hard isn’t it

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Original poster

SOSreflux · 14/10/2023 08:57

Hiddenvoice · 14/10/2023 08:05

Id try leave it for the weekend and then go in fresh on Monday and see what happens. If more comments are made then request a meeting to ask about next steps.

Thank you xx I’m not going to do anything until parents evening after half term but I’ll be prepared at that to have a conversation around whether it’s within expected behaviour, what are they doing to support him, SENCO etc.
I think the conversation yday just left me feeling sad as it didn’t feel like the teacher particularly likes the class, talking about how much ‘but I want’ she hears and her speculating if it could still be the impact of covid lockdowns on development. I then wonder if I’m too soft because I’m the back of my mind I’m thinking they are only 4 year’s old, brand new to school, all absolutely exhausted from the last 6 weeks and he goes to a tiny school with only 10 in his class.

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