Single mum struggling with young baby - when does it get better?

[Allosaur]

I'm a single mum to a 4 month old baby. I split with my partner when I was pregnant as he decided he didn't want to be a dad. Have no family support really and live rural (temporarily, looking for somewhere closer to where I have friends). Baby was unplanned, was told I wouldn't be able to conceive so was quite a surprise too!

My mum told me she'd help out with baby but sadly, that hasn't been the case. She initially took her for a couple hours in the early weeks but now gets very annoyed when I ask if she'd look after her and only if I pay her - which I can't really afford as saving to move so I basically have baby 24/7.

I am really struggling to cope as she needs constant stimulation during the day and is a poor sleeper (although, it seems to be improving a little). I rarely have time to cook, take a shower and we barely leave the house. I had a botched c-section so my mobility is still poor and walking can be difficult. I feel like a shell honestly. I used to have quite an active social life, and now I feel like a miserable prisoner. I love my baby dearly but she is very hard work.

I'm trying to get a new place so I can maybe put her in daycare for an afternoon a couple times a week as nowhere local sadly.

Anyone else been in a similar situation? When does it get better? What can I do to entertain her? I've got a baby swing and she goes in that but gets frustrated after 10 minutes. I have a bean bag chair she likes and will sometimes watch me do the dishes and sterilise bottles but again, gets frustrated very quick. I use a carrier now and again but it's hell on my back!

Solidarity, OP. I am not a single parent but I also have a 4 month old and it's bloody hard work. She's started teething. I know from my older child that it will get a bit easier. Hang in there.

Really feel for you OP. I recall the 4 month stage being really tough (poor sleep and baby being quite demanding but not able to "do" much) and it must be really hard if you don't have any sort of break and are still recovering from birth injuries.

It's all about survival at this stage. I had DS during Covid and didn't have a car, so whilst I was able to walk a bit I had to make much of our own entertainment. I lowered my standards round the house significantly (lots of pasta and pesto!) and talked to baby constantly narrating my day. Took him from room to room and popped him down with things to look at if I had anything to do (washing up/hanging up laundry). NListened to lots of podcasts and read books out loud - some for baby, sometimes just ones for me

Ooops, posted too soon. Not always toys - used to hand him safe things like wooden spoons to examine. His favourite thing was a bright flannel and his own hands and feet for a while.

It is a tough age - I recall things getting a bit easier at around 5/6 months.

With my eldest started off as a single mum and it was so hard I decided not to have any more but a partner and 2 children later I look back on those times as a steep learning curve... it taught me a lot about myself.

Six months was a huge turning point for us. Four months is a hard age. Our baby loved bubbles, ribbons, chiffon and flashing lights. Those things seems to give us brief moments of respite. Baby classes too, she always seemed happier out and about!

It does get better and will get so good in a few months. Hang in there!

4 months old is the absolute worst. Their brains want to be doing so much more than their bodies are capable so they're frustrated and easily bored! Agree with pp, 6 months is a turning point, potentially 5.5 if she can sit up by then.
Also for me personally, sleep training at 6 months. I didn't let mine 'cry it out' I used gentle methods (still involved a bit of crying) and both mine have slept through (7-5/6am) ever since . For me that's a game changer. Being able to put baby down in bed at 7 and have even just a few hours to yourself, then getting a decent sleep, just makes EVERYTHING more manageable. I was a better parent for it. Plus then they can be having 2/3 naps in the cot as well. Getting them to self settle is the key. Some people don't agree with that and that's fine, do what works for you and your baby. It does get easier

See if there's home start in your area, or ask health visitor if anything similar - basically someone can come and play with baby for a while so you can shower!

Agree with PPs. 6-7 months was a turning point for DS1. He was miserable from 3-6 months, just constantly frustrated at the limitations of his body, easily bored and such a terrible sleeper. They develop a routine from 6 months onwards around naps and meals, you can sleep train them and generally they can roll and are starting to sit and explore food which cheers them up. Not going to lie, there was a fair old dip again at about 9-13 months in the run up to crawling/walking/talking, but it was still more manageable than circa 4 months old!

I don’t have advice but I send good vibes. I hope you get lots of great help here. Asking for help is a big deal so be nice to yourself.

could a friend help a bit? I know if would if someone asked me.