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Original poster

Sharing children on socials

70 replies

Orangepen13 · 13/10/2023 07:45

What’s your stance?
I didn’t want anything and relented slightly for some family and said they could do very occasional insta stories with her face, but these are becoming a little too frequent (IMO they shouldn’t be posting more than me!)

am I too strict?

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rllrsk8 · 14/10/2023 23:22

I haven't shared anything about my pregnancy or the birth of our baby and specifically told my in-laws that we hadn't shared and didn't want to, but it didn't stop my FIL changing his profile picture to a picture of our baby when he was a few weeks old. I was fuming but decided to let it go. If he does it again I will try and gently say that we're not ok with it. I don't think you're being unreasonable - your child, your decision. But I appreciate how hard it is to stop it when it comes to family!

Mumof3children · 15/10/2023 08:24

Your very first words are “I didn’t want anything”, so why did you allow it in the first place?

MidnightOnceMore · 15/10/2023 08:27

I never posted anything and asked family to do the same.

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Original poster
Orangepen13 · 15/10/2023 09:16

This is a really interesting thread, and I agree mostly with the people who don’t post for all the same reasons (also, I don’t judge people who do, it’s preference at the end of the day and we’re okay to disagree).

I no longer share photos of my daughters face and my partner has shared a couple of times (only on private stories), which is probably the conflict. But, I think the thing that has stuck out for me has been those saying other people have different friends/strangers and I think that’s why I felt so uncomfortable.

we use an app called FamilyAlbum to share photos with family - it’s like a shared photo album that you can access with an invite and I think it’s secure (please tell me if you know it’s not!). So sharing to insta is entirely for “other friends”… maybe some gratification of how cute she is … probably not a good use!

OP posts:
Cowlover89 · 15/10/2023 11:25

YourNameGoesHere · 14/10/2023 22:48

To be honest in 2023 I'm surprised so many people still post so liberally despite knowing how dangerous and how horrible social media can be.

I suspect many children will indeed be unimpressed when they get older and realise these pictures are online.

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I know my son won't mind and I don't post the embarrassing ones.

YourNameGoesHere · 15/10/2023 12:25

Cowlover89 · 15/10/2023 11:25

I know my son won't mind and I don't post the embarrassing ones.

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I'm genuinely curious as to how you could possibly know he won't mind?

SiblingFights · 15/10/2023 12:37

I'm a bit baffled by most of these responses as pretty much everyone I know on social media, posts pics of their kids.

Photos of children can be taken and misused by strangers in a park / beach / at a party / church etc

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 15/10/2023 14:29

My sil is terrible for this. Dd now 10 doesn't really like pictures of her on SM so I ask her first but when I told sil she laughed and said 'I'll post what I like'. She posted quite a lot of her as a baby and if any of us post our kids she steals them and reposts them. When DD was a baby we had a fb closed group which did help

StSwithinsDay · 15/10/2023 20:39

@SiblingFights
I'm a bit baffled by most of these responses as pretty much everyone I know on social media, posts pics of their kids.*

Maybe start doing a bit of reading up and research around why it's now considered a bad idea. This is an article from Germany for example
https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Family/sharing-photos-kids-after-watch-deepfake-ad/story?id=101730561

coxesorangepippin · 15/10/2023 20:41

Yanbu

Don't share your kid's photo on SM

SiblingFights · 15/10/2023 21:21

Yeah I’ve seen that report before. It doesn’t change the fact that horrible people can do the same manipulation to photos of children they take in parks, shops etc

I’m still surprised that the responses on here do not seem to mirror what I see in real life.

WellIdontknowwhattocallmyself · 15/10/2023 23:45

I don’t, my dd is 4 and lives with me but I don’t want her dad sharing photos of her around his friends, I realise I sound horrible for that but I don’t trust them, is there a way to stop him from doing it?

SkankingWombat · 16/10/2023 01:26

Also, future employers may very well find those photos years down the line which wouldn't sit well with me if they missed out on a promotion or new job because of my silly posts

If you miss out on a job because your potential new employer has judged 3yo you eating an ice cream on the seafront or anything else you are doing in the kind of photos parents usually post of their kids (most I know only post lovely happy photos of days out/holidays or celebrating an achievement), I would consider that a bullet dodged.

I only have one friend who massively overshares, often with the kind of photos I wouldn't want of myself online (and I doubt my friend would either). Everyone else I know either shares nothing or just a few photos over the course of a year - it's probably a 50/50 mix.

Goldfish41 · 16/10/2023 13:33

No YANBU. I don’t post anything of my child on social media as I don’t think their image is mine to do that with. Imagine if our parents had put our baby pics all over the internet!

I agree with some PPs that perhaps saying they can sometimes is a bit tricky as that’s very open to interpretation, I’d probably just say not at all. Having said that I disagree with one PP that you can’t do it yourself but expect others not to - you’re their parent and you have control over what you are putting up and where you are putting it. I think on this it’s perfectly fine for it to be one rule for you, one for them!

Goldfish41 · 16/10/2023 13:41

SiblingFights · 15/10/2023 21:21

Yeah I’ve seen that report before. It doesn’t change the fact that horrible people can do the same manipulation to photos of children they take in parks, shops etc

I’m still surprised that the responses on here do not seem to mirror what I see in real life.

You can’t get the same type of close up photo to use of a faraway child in a park or shop - it’s really not the same. If I noticed someone close enough taking a pic of my child there would be hell to pay!

Maybe the people in your circle just don’t have the same awareness/experience as some others around this issue. Lots of people are very blasé about what they put online and that extends to their children. I work in media/publishing and no one I know from that field posts pics of their kids (also in general much less personal stuff) which I think is because you have a different perspective on online content and what publishing something means - and you are publishing when you post something online, which a lot of casual social media users don’t really appreciate.

AmyandPhilipfan · 16/10/2023 14:01

What do people who don't share do about their kids' schools and clubs? Round here schools often post pictures of the children on public FB groups. I expect parents can opt out but then I would imagine your child is not going to be the one chosen to do whatever is being photographed. My daughter's dance teacher regularly posts pictures on Instagram or in the parents' chat message group. Her rainbow leader posts on a parents' WhatsApp group. So then all the parents have access to all those photos. None of this bothers me but what do others do?

Cowlover89 · 16/10/2023 14:02

Goldfish41 · 16/10/2023 13:33

No YANBU. I don’t post anything of my child on social media as I don’t think their image is mine to do that with. Imagine if our parents had put our baby pics all over the internet!

I agree with some PPs that perhaps saying they can sometimes is a bit tricky as that’s very open to interpretation, I’d probably just say not at all. Having said that I disagree with one PP that you can’t do it yourself but expect others not to - you’re their parent and you have control over what you are putting up and where you are putting it. I think on this it’s perfectly fine for it to be one rule for you, one for them!

Personally it wouldn't of bothered me but each to their own

Notsureofaname · 16/10/2023 16:23

AmyandPhilipfan · 16/10/2023 14:01

What do people who don't share do about their kids' schools and clubs? Round here schools often post pictures of the children on public FB groups. I expect parents can opt out but then I would imagine your child is not going to be the one chosen to do whatever is being photographed. My daughter's dance teacher regularly posts pictures on Instagram or in the parents' chat message group. Her rainbow leader posts on a parents' WhatsApp group. So then all the parents have access to all those photos. None of this bothers me but what do others do?

We don’t give our permission so School and clubs can’t post pictures of our children on SM. I would hope that it doesn’t mean they’re not picked for things because of this, I don’t think it’s ever happened. It’s easy to take a photo without them in. We’ve never encountered a problem. Most of the teachers at my children’s school have said they don’t and wouldn’t post pictures of their on children SM either so are very understanding. I think a lot more people are understanding about privacy and consent and are feeling uncomfortable oversharing. I don’t know many people who post excessively on SM.

SErunner · 16/10/2023 16:42

AmyandPhilipfan · 16/10/2023 14:01

What do people who don't share do about their kids' schools and clubs? Round here schools often post pictures of the children on public FB groups. I expect parents can opt out but then I would imagine your child is not going to be the one chosen to do whatever is being photographed. My daughter's dance teacher regularly posts pictures on Instagram or in the parents' chat message group. Her rainbow leader posts on a parents' WhatsApp group. So then all the parents have access to all those photos. None of this bothers me but what do others do?

As per pp, we just decline permission as I don't want them to share pictures of my child with strangers.

Universalsnail · 16/10/2023 18:00

I only share pictures on my personal Instagram that's set to private and is friends only. My son recently started to get shy about having his photo taken so now I don't post any of him at all. Don't share on Facebook or or any public social media at all.

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