Reassurance? Advice? Or am I failing?

[ElmtreeMama]

DD is nearly 2.
Background is always been high needs/velcro baby
I'm a SAHM

Recently her behaviour is really getting me down, I'd like to know if it's normal toddlerhood, potentially neurodiversity or my poor parenting :(

Things she's started doing-
Pushing other children (her cousins and friends), I have tried removing her from situation, saying we don't push firmly, saying kind hands and showing her what this means. She still just randomly shoves with seemingly no trigger.
Shouting 'go away' to me but mainly to my DH, again I just say, we're kind to each other and don't say that to daddy etc
Laughing every time I tell her not to do something, like climbing on the table for example, every time I say no and lift her down she laughs A LOT
Scratching and hitting me if I have to do something she doesn't want like a Nappy change.

Shes also started having pretty epic meltdowns for up to an hour/90 minutes where she screams, thrashes, cries, headbangs, strips off - during these she is inconsolable and also they seem to appear out of nowhere.

I can't sleep tonight for worrying about her so please be kind x

What consequences do you give her for poor behaviour?

@TheShellBeach , I mean- none essentially! If we were out somewhere we'd come straight home if she was misbehaving but it mostly happens at home.
Other than just saying no, we don't do that etc, obviously removing her from whatever she is doing (like climbing on table , for example!)

Aw, she's still a baby! This is just the age to do what you're doing.

You sound a great mum.

I was a teacher with great classroom management techniques, knew them all and used them well.

Than I had children and realised toddlers are crazy. Some more than others. Mad little dictators who bully you in your own house.

They haven't read the manuel on how they should be behaving, you have to teach them every step of the way. It takes time and a whole lot of patience.

They're feeling some Big Feelings.

It does get easier, really.

Praise, praise, praise good behaviour is my top tip.

Until then, a little tipple of an evening helps.

Thank you so much for your response @Vintagecreamandcottagepie actually made me tear up!
I keep telling myself she's only 1 and she's just a baby but I think as we get nearer to 2 I am worrying she's not as well behaved as her cousins the same age.
She has very advanced language so I don't think it's frustration but you're right she is obviously experiencing some very big feelings!

If it makes you feel better I detested parenting (cute as they were and there were some fun moments) until they hit 4 (or 5 depending on the child!). It did gradually get easier before that but that was when I started to really enjoy it...

You may be cut out for older kids. In which case your best times are just ahead.

Tbh I was starting to really enjoy this stage but then thus last month everything seems to have changed AGAIN. That's the one thing I've learned .... nothing stays the same for long.

And if it helps any more, our oldest had the worst tantrums (so I relate to you comparing to peers and getting worried!) but he turned out to be the most giving, sensitive child out of all our 3.

So you be proud of your lo, it isn't all about being perfect at that age x

Thank you @Vintagecreamandcottagepie 😘

It's so much easier when they're older- less ups and downs. Still not hit teenage years yet tho so waiting for the rollercoaster to begin again...

Growth spurts and leaps can make them act different for a while. Maybe that? Many time I worried have I ruined my child, will he/ she be a monster? Then they snap out of it and are lovely again. And have suddenly grown out of all their clothes.

You're not doing anything wrong! Everything you mention sounds normal, although the tantrums seem quite intense for her age, I'd keep an eye on how those develop.

I just wanted to say that her advanced language skills don't necessarily mean she's not frustrated: she might not be able to articulate what she's feeling or be able to process all the things she's hearing. And she's only 1.5, she can't do anything for herself yet, mega frustrating!

Thank you @Plonkandplonkers she has always been a very sensitive soul and gets over stimulated quite easily.
I really appreciate your reassurance xx

My daughter is 19 months. She does all of this but maybe a little less extreme - but then she’s always been pretty easy going and your DD has always been sensitive.

The laughing when you tell them off is EXTREMELY ANNOYING but totally normal. They just want a reaction from you.

I’m not an expert on toddler behaviour or nuerodiversity but honestly this sounds like it’s normal. The tantrums are maybe on the extreme end of normal but still normal if you see what I mean.

She may have advanced language skills for a toddler but she still can’t express most of what she thinks/feels she can’t regulate her emotions. I find the instagram account Big Little Feelings really helpful.

Thank you @Fleur405 I'll definitely check that out x