I’m finding things really hard, any words of wisdom please

[friedandfrazzled]

DD is 16 months, me and DH work full time compressed hours. With the constant illness from nursery making her ill, disrupting her sleep, me getting ill as I catch everything she has. She’s very clingy with me esp when ill so can’t get anything done.
I’ve caught another cold from her that she caught from nursery so I’m feeling battered tbh. I can’t go sick from work again.

feel like I’m powering through everything atm and I’m just finding life very hard. Wish I could go part time but we are saving as we need to move so thats not a possibility.

Ive never felt so tired in my life. Is this normal? Does it get better? I thought newborn was hard as she had colic but at least I didn’t have to go to work in the morning and put my game face on.

How long has she been at nursery? The first few months and then the first winter are tough with illness, but after that their immune systems mature and the illness is a lot less which will make everything else easier.

Are you sharing the sick days equally with her other parent? Make sure that you are. It's not solely your responsibility to miss work when she's sick.

Apart from that do whatever you can to make things easier. Don't be afraid to lower your standards of housekeeping/cooking/laundry a bit. If you can afford some outside help e.g. a cleaner or a babysitter then get one even just for the short term.

It sounds like my experience and of some of my mum friends who are close enough to be honest. It's giving me major imposter syndrome at work as I'm the only one with kids and sometimes I'm just feeling so snowed under with everything.

You are doing well. Solidarity. Keep going unmumsnetty hug

I recommend daily vitamins, daily fresh air and cake

I remember being exhausted at that time of life. I started taking vitamins which gave me loads of energy and also using meditation which did help. Distancing myself from the situation really helped because I stopped taking it personally-eg dd is going to scream at the top of her lungs for 8-10 minutes, resist any attempt at help, I am going to get down to her level, speak calmly and distract her, then we will walk home and I’ll forget about it.

Or:- I’m going to be polite, cheerful and efficient; take an interest in everyone else, not mention that I was up half the night because dd was teething and if they don’t notice I will have “succeeded”.

It’s all about control. When I did that I felt in control. When I shouted back or sobbed at work I then hated myself and got on a spiral of negativity. To an extent, I was acting some of the time, but me acting made my life easier and happier. Me acting calm in stressful situations soon turned into me being calm in stressful situations. I hope that makes sense?

This stage is really hard. Its not forever though. Can you book some time off even if it's just half a day for when baby is at nursery so you can catch up on some sleep and look forward to it.

Can DH take some time off for at least some of the sick days, ideally 50% of them.

Are you communicating exactly what you need from DH at the weekends and evenings to help you preserve energy. Obvs in an ideal world he would know but men tend not to be good at taking initiative with these sort of things.

You will get through this.

Try taking 2000 iui Vit D everyday and 100% rda zinc and magnesium. A mixed B vitamin mega dose, some iron and get DD on a really good multivitamin that included lots of D and zinc. It will support your immune systems and help fight off the germs more easily.

Then batch cook at the weekend to make meal prep easier during the week and take 30 mins with DH to look at the rest of your life critically and see where you can cut corners or be more efficient.
Lastly, I know you are saving, but can you afford a teenage babysitter for 2 hours on Sunday mornings to take DD for a walk and to the playground, rain or shine. And then you and DH go back to bed for that time and sleep (or whatever)

It is normal and it does get easier.

I went back to work full time when my eldest was 11 months, already 4 months pregnant with my 2nd. She had just started nursery and got EVERY bug EVER! As did I. And my DH kept having to go away for work. It was brutal!

My kids are now 2, 4 & 6 and very rarely have more than a runny nose. They've not needed a day off nursery/school in the last 18 months.

It does get better!!! You will get through it. But in the meantime you have my deepest sympathies!

Also, lean in to the clingy. She misses you and feels anxious so instead of pushing her away(because you have 100 other things to do) absolutely give her 100% of your attention. Once she’s had her fill her attention will wander.

It does pass, everything in parenting does which I find helpful to hang onto. When my DS was 2 we went through an awful few weeks/months of colds, Covid, chicken pox and sickness bug. I felt like it was going to be forever but it did pass. I suspect it happened for us later because of Covid

Compressed hours are tough! And the amount of sickness when they start nursery is also horrifically tough. It doesn't last, but you'll probably have a tough winter... sleep when you can and focus on surviving. Ditch anything non-essential.

DS has been at nursery 2.5 years and I can’t remember back to back illnesses as bad as the last few months. Not even when he first started childcare. I feel like I’ve been coughing, sneezing +/- reaching for paracetamol for about 3 months straight now. It’e been horrendous here so you have my sympathy.

The amount of sickness when they start is awful. The first 3 months we literally just rolled from one bug to another and were ill every week. It started to settle a bit after this but I'd still say more than normal levels of sickness to 6 months after starting. Since the 6 month point it's been fine, just a few mild colds but nothing stopping me going to work. Like you I was on my knees with exhaustion, it was an awful awful time. Try to just keep going. Abandon all social commitments apart from essentials so you don't lose energy to that, drop your standards at home and just try to get by until it settles down. Solidarity.

everything about parenting is a phase. It won’t be like this forever. I hang onto that even now. You are deep in the trenches and just need to survive. Focus on doing whatever you need to to get by. One day at a time. And def take those vitamins!

Ah thanks for this piece of advice, I do love the snuggles and she won’t always want cuddles as much as she does now

Thanks everyone for your comments, hopefully just a phase and glad I’m not the only one who feels like this!

Mine started to chat around 16-17 months and by 18 months was having proper conversations. That was a game changer.