Risking my career because of stubborn ex

[Chris799]

Hi everyone,
Long winded post so please bear with me! But any help on this would be massively appreciated!

I have a 9-year old son by my ex-partner. My ex suffers with paranoid schizophrenia and her physical health is in an unhealthy state because of her diet and lifestyle.

I work shifts so therefore try to have my son over with me as much as possible, usually at weekends (I work two in six weekends) and once or twice in a week if possible.

Because of her poor health, she frequently asks me to take time off work. Usually this ends up being unpaid leave. My employers have been great so far but because of my frequent episodes of unpaid leave, their patience is now starting to wear thin.

I do everything within reason to support my son - I have him over as much as I can and I pay my ex partner a generous amount of child support (£600 a month through a direct arrangement, not Child Maintenance Services).

I have a girlfriend who is willing to help with childcare arrangements but because my ex partner doesn’t like her, she flatly refuses to allow any offers of help, therefore leaving me having to take unpaid leave and putting everything I’ve worked so hard for at risk.

Ive reached breaking point now and my own mental health is being compromised because of the sheer stubbornness of my ex partner. I understand she has her own mental health issues but I just cannot cope with the stress of constantly having to take time off work.

If anyone is able to offer any sort of advice or guidance I would be greatly appreciative of any assistance!

Thank you!

Do you realise you haven't talked about your child's welfare at all here, only the effect that the situation is having on you? There's no way it can be healthy for your child to be living with your ex. If your ex's diet and exercise is a mess, then so will your child's be.

It sounds like you need to get full custody as soon as possible.

Does your girlfriend live with you, OP?

seconding @Antst words. Do you want your son living in that environment, what are his wishes and feelings, how does he cope when he is with his Mum, is he taking time off school? Are schools aware of the situation? I'd be suggesting Mum has some time to get well, and you take over as primary carer to see if that helps your son and his mother. It will make it easier for you to have a routine, and your lovely girlfriend can be supportive. Divert most of CM back to you but offer a little to Mum to help her get on her feet again

Women give up careers every day due to the poor choices of their ex's. It's an unfair situation, but your child needs someone able to give stability. He needs his dad, it's not your girlfriend's role to step in.

I agree with @lunar1 , it may not be possible for you to continue with shift work and seeing your son “as much as you can” when his mother is ill. He needs a stable primary carer