Nursery - what would you do?

[Hobnobs88]

Hi all,
My baby will be starting nursery September 2024, when I go back to work from mat leave. I’ll be going back to work 3 days a week.

When I reserved the nursery space I was advised by them that it was okay to request full time and then potentially reduce this closer to the time. Nursery have now said this isn’t an option and I need to tell them by January 24 if I want full time or 3 days a week. It’s a popular nursery so I understand their approach.

The original plan was nursery 2 days a week, and my MIL to have the baby 1 day, either at our house or hers, whichever she preferred. My DH hasn’t asked her if she will do this but we think she’d be happy to, as she helps us a lot with other stuff and is involved.

My preference is for the baby to be in nursery 3 days, as I don’t want to rely on family for childcare; it also puts her in a position (and us) if she’s wants to go away, is ill etc. I wfh one day a week and DH can be flexible but the idea of scrabbling around for childcare sets my teeth on edge.

DH and I have agreed to tell the nursery 3 days, hopefully we can get 15 hrs free childcare from January 25 onwards. We can afford 3 days a week nursery.

My question is am I throwing money away not asking my MIL to have the baby 1 day a week? Does anyone have any experience with this sort of situation?
DH says we can start with 3 days and then potentially cut this down to 2 days in nursery after the first term, if the nursery will let us do this. They have a minimum requirement of 2 days.

What do people think? Thanks for reading x

Book the 3 days.
It would be foolish to rely on a GP caring one day a week every week judging by the posts on here when it all goes wrong.

Definitely book the 3 days! My friend relied on MIL who couldn't cope with the toddler after a while and was often unwell. You need reliable childcare

I can see why you'd prefer to book nursery for 3 days, as it would be guaranteed. However, if your MIL is very keen to have your DC then you could always book 2.5 days a week and ask MIL to pick them up at lunchtime from nursery and spend the afternoon with them. My DC have always spent one day a week with my Mum while I'm at work but that's mostly due to financial reasons and while it's been great for their relationship it has been a lot more flakey than nursery (but that could be more due to my DMs personality!)

Thanks everyone, the 2.5 days is a good idea, I hadn’t thought of that. I wouldn’t be so entitled as to assume MIL would have our child, it’s just with me going back to work and the baby starting nursery, I don’t want to be stressing about any childcare hiccups.

I might suggest 3 days then 2.5 in January, does anyone know if the nursery would be accommodating to this? I’ve already asked them 500 questions so I don’t want to piss them off further at this stage!

@Hobnobs88 I don't think asking to see if it's possible would annoy them, I imagine they are very use to parents asking a lot of questions before starting!

Stick with the three days and then ask your MIL to cover all the times the baby is sick and can't go to nursery. This will be a LOT early on, particularly over that first winter. This will be a better way to utilise any help your MIL can offer.

Can MIL have her for half a day on a day you're not working? Then she gets to help out without a massive commitment and you get some time to yourself. I personally would be wary of relying on family when you're trying to work at the same time.

Book them in for 3 days. It's so much easier than trying to navigate days with unpaid family care. mil might change her mind, become ill, do it then get two weeks in and remeber how hard small dc are.

She could always pick them up early on days she fancies spending time with them

This. Your child will enjoy the activities on offer at nursery and MIL will find herself inundated with requests to look after DC when the nursery sends them home or decides they can't return for X number of days because their temperature is 0.5 degrees too high. You will not believe how often this is.

Book and keep 3 days.
Ask mil to cover sick days, nursery closing days, etc..
Ds nursery for example has been running a paired down min child numbers this week due to staff sickness. Luckily we could keep him home 2 days and he went in 2, but grandma handy for this.

Book 3 days. Sep 2024 is a long way off and MIL may, for example, be ill by then. Once baby starts, there will be a notice period to change number of days, maybe a month or 3 months, and you can review then.

Book nursery for 3 days. You want the reliability of professional care if you’re working. And baby will settle faster on 2 days versus 3. If MIL is willing then she’d be a great standby for when baby has a mystery fever, again, and has to stay home for 2 days. Or if she only wants to do childcare when DC is feeling themselves, which would be totally fair enough, then half a day on your day off so you can have a bit of time to yourself would be amazing. And if she’s sick, on holiday etc that week then no big deal to miss one.

Also - to flag now - the 15 hours don’t end up being free, the government under funds them so there is usually some kind of top up

My little one started in July at nursery, we had reserved a full time place and they called a month before to ask whether we wanted to change our start date/number of days. We dropped to 4 days as I had agreed to drop a day at work and after a month or so, my mum and my MIL expressed an interest in helping out so we gave 4 weeks notice to drop to 3 days, nursery were great about it. My DH is compressing his week to take half a day on a Fri and my mum and MIL are alternating the other half day. So far so good!

I have recently gone back to work 4 days a week and we have got 3 days at nursery and 1 day with my parents and my DHs parents as holiday cover for my parents. We've only done 6 weeks but the day with family is more difficult and tiring for us as the hours we leave DS with them for aren't as long. We've also been trying to wfh on that day to be on hand if they need anything. I expect this may not be necessary once they get into the swing of things. Do you know that you can definitely return to work 3 days? That's something else to bear in mind.

Book the 3, ask your MIL to help cover the inevitable massive number of days they end up having off sick...

I agree with others to not overly rely on family. I've heard so many stories when it's gone wrong. My MIL was desperate to have my second a day a week, and I was very straight with her - if she did it it would need to be every week, what if she went on holiday or didn't feel like it or was ill? In the end we booked all the nursery days we needed as I felt it was too risky. A few weeks after he started nursery my MIL broke her wrist and wasn't able to drive or lift anything for six weeks. I was so glad we hadn't relied on her for a day a week as the nursery is full and it would have been so stressful trying to find alternative childcare.

Yep, book the 3 days. Baby will settle in to nursery easier & faster doing 3 days, you'll be able 'switch off' and go into work mode more easily if you know you're paying professionals for a service rather than relying on a family member and your MIL can still help with any early pickups because the baby's poorly or do the odd afternoon with him.
My mum & MIL love my DS to bits and love their time with him but they'd never be able to keep up with him for a whole day or provide the wide range of (messy) activities the nursery do.

Also means you have babysitter when you both aren’t working occasionally. Mil is much more likely to have child one evening or weekend a few hours if they haven’t already had them a full day that week.