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Impossible Ex

2 replies

Biscuitfiend1 · 12/10/2023 12:56

Help - looking for some advice and/or if anyone as had a similar experience with their ex.

I have 2 DC and obviously separated from their Dad. Same old story, ex lazy, won’t do any more than is absolutely necessary, won’t spend where he feels it’s not needed, expects to be spoon fed in terms of appointments, clothing etc. My dilemma is that, i will contact him only when necessary and it concerns the DC. For example: what time are they being collected or dropped back when they visit him. Often get no response and if I ask again I’m accused of invading his time and being abusive/making him feel inadequate. He’s threatened to block me, which I’ve said is fine, as I really don’t want to talk to him anyway, but then it’ll cause issues not being able to communicate, namely for me and the DC.

How would you handle this? Should I go to the family courts so that expectations can be made solid?

I must stress, I only contact him when absolutely necessary, depending on the week and what needs relaying, at a minimum, once, maximum three times. Our DC each have medical needs and various hospital and school appointments.

OP posts:
PercytheParkKeepershedgehog · 12/10/2023 13:06

Hmm. Can you turn most messages into just info rather than something that requires a response?

Eg. The children will be ready at 10am for contact on Saturday as usual. If you need to change the pick-up time please email/text me today to arrange it. Otherwise I will assume 10am is fine.

Then if he doesn’t contact you and he doesn’t turn up by 11am or something and you have plans, just take the kids with you.

Or.
DS’s consultant appointment is at 3pm on the 11th of December at Sacred Heart Hospital. If you wish to attend, please let me know in advance. If you don’t attend I will email you a brief outline of what the Consultant recommends.

PercytheParkKeepershedgehog · 12/10/2023 13:18

Another technique is to send fewer emails/messages but include multiple things in each message. So if contact is for the weekend you can send a message on Monday with multiple points, for example:
Update Kids October 16-22nd

  • pick up as normal 10am Saturday at mine then you drop at school on Monday. Any changes please email me by Wed 18th.
  • DD has been invited to her Best Friend’s birthday party on the 21st at 4pm. I have let parents know it is your weekend with DD. Invite photo attached. Parents number is 123456789.
  • Kids are going to the dentist at 5pm on the 23rd. I will let you know if they need any treatment.
  • DS’s antibiotics finish on the 19th so he will not be bringing any meds to contact this week.

All the info. No request for a reply. Not your problem if he’s too disorganized to read it or contact you if he wants any changes.

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