New Man Small Town

[Notsurewhatodohere]

Hello,
I split from my emotionally abusive husband two years ago. I recently met someone I really like who I've started seeing for dates. My worry is that as I live in a small town there's a chance we'll bump into my ex and my DS when we are out together (as we meet on my non parenting days). Do you think it would be a big shock for my DS to see me out with a new man? What should I do / say if that happens and should I be careful to avoid PDAs in public in case we get spotted so I can just say he's a friend? Also if things get more established do you think I should tell my ex so that he's prepared. I worry that he will use this information to make trouble. This is new territory so I'm not sure what to do for the best? Many thanks for any advice.

How old is your DS?

DS is 13

It would be less shocking if you just told him you're starting to date again, and let him ask questions, etc. Don't make it a big issue and he probably won't either.

Thanks junbean I'd been reading that it's better to wait to introduce a new partner when the relationship is more serious so was hoping to do that but it's true that if it's a choice between bumping into me and a new man or knowing up front the latter would be less shocking. Maybe I should wait for a least a few dates to see if this is likely to last a bit though?

How do you think I should phrase it if I do tell him, something like, I met a man I like and we might go on a few dates at some point to get to know each other better but at the moment it's just a friendship? I'm completely clueless at this!

Can you date away from your town?

Or very casually mention that you’re going to start dating again so that it’s not a shock if he does see you with someone

And if I say that do I need to say something to my ex first as my DS would probably talk to him about it...

Thank you Wildhorses2244 I think I know the radius my ex moves in so I was thinking I could try to meet new man in places outside of that which would very likely minimize chances of seeing him especially on the week nights when he won't be going far from home.

Maybe I could say that at some point I might go on a date so then at least DS knows it's a possibility eg. if I met someone nice and they asked me on a date I would go.

Take baby steps towards the idea?

I wouldn’t say anything to your ex until/unless you’re at the point of introducing a new partner.

With how to raise it Id keep it completely casual. So something like “what are you doing this weekend with your dad? Oh that sounds nice. I’ve been invited on a date on Saturday, I’m thinking of going.”

Maybe in the car or when you’re washing up or something so that he’s not embarrassed / doesn’t have to look at you if he has questions to ask.

That’s a good idea about avoiding places that your ex is.

Thank you for your advice Wildhorses2244 I think for starters I'll try to meet in a different area, I don't want to be looking over my shoulder. If I say something to DS I'll try to keep it very matter of fact and casual so there's no drama / threat. I'm sure he understands that there's a difference between a casual date and a new partner.

I feel like if my DS saw me with a new man and we were just having a coffee or walking down the street it wouldn't be so bad but as I don't have any male friends he would probably think it was a date.

Do you think it's ok to say to the new man that I'd prefer to not do PDA for now as my ex is being very uncooperative with the divorce and my DS doesn't know I'm seeing anyone and I think it would be better if we just look like friends if we run into them or does that sounds too controlling / paranoid?