Mum guilt over postnatal depression

[Una22]

When I had my first 6 years ago unfortunately I suffered from horrific postnatal depression. I had a very unsupportive partner and feel I didn't enjoy the first year. Hardly any photos of him and unfortunately due to a technical fault on my phone I lost some photos too. With my second I've loved it. So much so ice got so many photos that I feel so guilty as I have so many more of him than my first. I just don't want my eldest being upset by this as I love them both so much.

I'm sorry you're still carrying the weight of this with you. It sounds like a lot.

I'm the 5th kid and there are next to no photos of me whereas my siblings all have matching albums with their names stenciled on and everything laid out nicely with captions. Whilst I know I'm very loved the inequality did irk me right to adulthood. But everything was resolved when my grandparents made me a similar album. Even if there aren't as many photos, the gesture of making sure they're treated similarly will carry a lot of weight. Would you have the inclination to perhaps make them both a little memory box or album, and have the same ish number of things in each so at least to them it looks more balanced? That way if they want to see their baby photos, or clothing they used to wear, fave toy etc they have a box just for them to go and rifle through

Also solidarity on the phone. I had a similar issue and lost the first 2 years of my son's life, its heartbreaking. I put a call out to friends and family and it's amazing how many random snaps were still in people's Whatsapp history or phone backups etc. Might be worth a go?

Thank you so much this has really helped