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Parenting

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Original poster

Is this fair?

15 replies

Lottie231 · 11/10/2023 07:50

I had a row with my husband this morning. Am I being unreasonable?

We have a 6 month old boy who now sleeps through until around 5.30am. I asked my husband to have a turn at getting up this morning so I could have a bit longer in bed. He said no and that I was being unfair because he has work.

When he was younger I used to do the night shift as baby boy napped quite a lot in the day. So I could get some rest if I needed to (never usually did though tbh!)

Now he is older…. So he doesn’t nap for as long - around 20 minutes at a time... so basically I don’t get the option for a rest anymore! I’m so tired at the end of each day.

Am I being unfair? Although I’m on Mat leave I think I ‘go to work’ too as it’s very tiring. What should I say to make him understand.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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fattytum · 11/10/2023 07:57

I dunno, it you are on maternity leave its for you to mess up your body clock with baby time really, not for a worker.

Maybe say to him he can do Saturday mornings and you can do Sundays, so you get one lie in each

These things never seem like a big deal to me. I was a single mum working full time when mine were that age, so I just cracked on, and I enjoyed it. I don't really understand why a parent doesn't enjoy being with their child. I am told the ones that do don't post!

He'll be a teenager soon enough and you will be dragging him out of bed for a late lunch.

arethereanyleftatall · 11/10/2023 08:02

It's difficult to tell based on this one thing.

Does he take over doing the baby when he gets home from work?

Do you get a lie in each at the weekend?

Can you go to bed at 9.30pm so you still get 8 hours?

PrueLeith · 11/10/2023 08:02

Ignore the other poster. It's not a race to the bottom!

Unless your partner is a heavy goods driver/pilot etc it's perfectly fair for him to take over in the mornings if you're up all night.

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Sirzy · 11/10/2023 08:03

What time does he leave for work?

PrueLeith · 11/10/2023 08:03

Oh sorry I misread! I thought he was waking through the night. If he sleeps through I think you can just take turns going to bed earlier.

Original poster

Lottie231 · 11/10/2023 08:06

I can assure you I do like spending time with my child. What a ridiculous thing to say. Appreciate you worked hard, but respectfully I am not a single mum so I expect help off my husband!!

OP posts:

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 11/10/2023 08:08

Does he take over doing the baby when he gets home from work?

To enable op to go out and work?
As someone on mat leave I never understand this stance, surely it's 50/50 on the return of other parent!

Original poster

Lottie231 · 11/10/2023 08:08

Yes he helps but I’d say I do 75% he does 25% when he gets in from work.

Yes we do go to bed at 9.30. And we have a lie in each at the weekend.

OP posts:

Antst · 11/10/2023 08:08

In successful relationships, people support each other as much as they can. So if you are USUALLY the one to miss out on sleep because you're not also working outside the home, then your husband should be willing to give you a break occasionally.

Does he get up early on his days off, or does he expect that he's the only one who should get days off? That would be a key point for me.

I have a job where it's important to get enough sleep, but small children are hard work and if only one parent is exhausted, there's a problem.

I'd tell your husband that you need a break too and that you guys need to figure out a system that's fair. I'd tell him you're not impressed he couldn't be kind on this one occasion and that you'd really like him to think about how that makes you feel in your relationship.

Original poster

Lottie231 · 11/10/2023 08:09

He leaves at 7.30am. He would need to get ready for work at like 6.30am, so I am basically asking him if I can have 5.30 until 6.30 in bed and then I’ll get up and take over!

OP posts:

MidnightOnceMore · 11/10/2023 08:10

He's being an arse.

You BOTH need sleep for health and sanity.

arethereanyleftatall · 11/10/2023 08:16

So you both go to bed at 9.30, then you get 8 hours sleep straight through and he gets 9?

Original poster

Lottie231 · 11/10/2023 08:19

yes. So we both get a full night sleep really. I am asking to take it in turns getting up at 5.30 really that’s all!

OP posts:

PrueLeith · 12/10/2023 23:57

I think what you're asking is totally fair then.

But I also hate you both a little bit for having such a good sleeper. 😂

emeralue · 13/10/2023 00:07

I'd say you're being a little unreasonable on the basis your baby sleeps through and you therefore get a full 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, plus a lie in at the weekend. If you were getting up even once during the night then I could be more sympathetic but I'd be focusing more on the (uncommon) positives in your position.

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