I was diagnosed with ADHD very recently (in my mid 20s, 2 years into being a parent) having struggled with symptoms my entire life.
Since DC (now 2.5 years old) was around 1 years old and began developing into a toddler/young child my mother (MGM) has commented how he I was exactly the same at his age. This is in regard to the hyperactivity, risk taking behaviour (loves to climb, jump and can run for hours on end), and inability to become tired.
DC has attended nursery full time since 9 months of age due to my work commitments and being a sole parent. Nursery have also regularly raised the “issues” outlined above.
DC did attend football sessions on a weekly basis however we had to withdraw due to DCs struggles with listening for long periods of time and waiting patiently in a line of children for one task for more than 30 seconds.
I find my child easy to manage, he is polite, respectful, caring and exceptionally clever (working at around the age of 3-4 years old as per HV and nursery assessments). I also find I prefer moving from task to task and back again within a short period of time works better for me, i also prefer physical high energy tasks as opposed to more relaxed tasks. There are other similarities too which make parenting my child easy and enjoyable but it seems when others have care of him it is difficult to manage the hyperactivity.
My mother and grandmother have care of DC during the school holidays 3 days a week for a period of 6 hours. When i go to collect him they are both shattered and take turns having naps and breaks throughout the day.
Earlier this year I addressed my DCs hyperactivity with the Doctors and they confirmed it sounds like “ADHD tendencies” but that a formal assessment is not usually possible until 4 years of age.
Nursery are in the process of compiling a report on my DCs hyperactive behaviour for the purpose of assisting the Doctors with insight as to his day to day life.
When the topic of the above comes up with my mother she is immediate dismissive stating “well i don’t think he has it” each and every time. I find this quite frustrating as I know myself how easy it is to fly under the radar for a diagnosis and the issues this produces later in life. I am well aware my DC may not have ADHD however I feel it should be up to a professional to confirm or deny that NOT my mother who missed those signs for me for all those years. I feel it is only right i listen to myself, professionals and my DCs behaviour above all else and either potentially rule out the condition or access early support by obtaining the formal diagnosis.
This issue came to a head tonight when the matter was discussed and as usual my mum dismissed my concerns again. I responded with “I know mum you tell me this every time i’ve already heard it” but mid way through my response I was met with “okay then conversation over”. I began attempting to justify my decision for wanting the Doctors input which was again met with “okay you’ve said conversation over”. This lead to me leaving the room in tears, feeling deflated and dismissed.
When my mother came to address the “argument” with me she feels i’m being unreasonable being upset for her “giving her opinion”. I again began explaining my reasons for wanting input from professionals to which she pulled a face at and continued to speak to me in a passive aggressive manor.
Am I in the wrong here? Part of me feels like i’m to blame as i’ve kept her informed of the situation but the other part feels i’m correct to feel frustrated as i am DCs parent and it is his and my voice that matters, she should be supportive.