Adult children & grandchildren living at home

[Catlover1705]

Just wondering how many families on here have adult children and grandchildren living at home. My daughter and grandchild live with us due to a relationship break up. A friend lives in a similar situation and is finding it tough. I find it difficult sharing the kitchen, more noise and in some ways putting life plans on hold. It is lovely spending time with our grandchild but there's no end in sight due to the cost of renting.

Gosh I’m jealous!

I live with my daughter and her children. I’m a widow with a big house, and she’s a single parent so it makes sense. I love the family noise and busyness. I don’t know what I’d do without them.

Can you both make some minor changes that would make the arrangement more happily sustainable?
For example ..
Devise set quiet times. Are there other structures which you need?
Have days where you are in the kitchen alone and other days where your daughter cooks.
Can your daughter and her child to go away for a weekend every now and again? Keep thinking about your life plans and bringing them into fruition.

My colleague is 70 and lives with his 40 year old daughter and teen and early 20s grandchild. No end in sight for them at the moment but they're happy

They were able to extend their house quite a bit tgouvh

I understand how you feel, especially if your house is not very big and you are always falling over each other. It works well in a big house where everyone has their own space. Don't feel guilty, you are experiencing natural and conflicting emotions on this issue.

Is there any possibility of you helping your daughter with rent if she finds a suitable place? Obviously, I don't know your financial situation but if you are able to do that, happily, it would be a good thing. I expect she and her teenage child would prefer to be living more independently but still quite near.

Presumably your daughter goes to work and she may earn more in the future, which will help.

Some of these replies are comical and not what the OP is asking. Thinking its wonderful to have your adult child as well as your grandchildren living at your home is more often not as fun as you think. Its actually one of the most stressful times I've experienced and continue to experience. For the person commenting about getting them an apartment...lol. Sorry but the average and often times above average income earner can't afford multiple residences and IF we could do that, what makes you think we would or should? Does that teach them anything other than how to further take advantage of you? The only lesson there is, "I can live for free and continue to do nothing, except now I won't be judged for doing it in the presence of somebody else."

To the OP I feel your pain. My child does not clean, cook, stays in their pajamas all day watching TV and playing on their phone while their child runs around the house. When its your home and your children you have no problem cleaning, cooking etc.....that's the expectation. But when its your adult child and their child.....that is not the same. I feel you catlover, if feels like there is no end in sight and I'm 3 years into this. My marriage is falling apart because my spouse continues to side with our adult child and expects me to pick up all the unfulfilled chores because I work from home. We had problems before this but they are only MAGNIFIED NOW.

I have no good answers except....there are others out there and we are just as confused, angry, depressed, life on hold, etc. I have sat with my child on numerous occasions to lay out a plan, only for it to be pushed aside in 1 day. Every time I broach the subject, it becomes a "you" thing, "I will never live up to your expectations", "I'll never be good enough in your eyes", etc. I could name a hundred interactions like this. I hope the person that reads this, especially if its a child understands how destructive this can be for the parent and stops that behavior. I'm one conversation away from throwing in the towel and walking away from everything. I love my family but this is no way to live a happy productive life in the end. I am too old and tired to keep doing this. I just want peace and happiness in my life, not chaos and bad behaviors from my family.

I am 6 years in!
Adult son and his child live with us.

My husband does the lions share of the childcare whilst my lazy son sleeps.
We all work so it's all a juggling act but our marriage hangs by a thread due to the stress of being parents all over again to a small child when we thought we were done with it all.

Why are you allowing that?

I used to watch Dallas and always thought how I'd love to live in Southfork with my kids and grandkids.

Yeah I know it sounds crazy but by doing what we thought was right we have enabled the situation.

My son is a good dad but you get in a rut and its so hard to see a way out of it.

We love the little boy so much. We think he may have SEN too so that's even more difficult.

If I had a house as big as Southfork I don't think I'd have a problem with it at all 😊

Hi nomorefsgiven.

Sounds Ike we are in the same boat. Sorry I've just seen your message.

The solution for me is to move house so at least we have more space so that's what we are doing.

We've accepted an offer on our and we've had an offer accepted on a bigger place so I think that the best solution for now.

In time when my son/grandson can live independently we can downsize.

How's things going for you ?
S

This is going to become more common as renting becomes more unaffordable and future governments just refuse to tackle the housing crisis properly

sympathies all!
We have grandad staying and teen son. Grandad trying hard but he’s just taking over - he’s got papers all over the living room table, the stress when he calls his wife( in a home) is catching, I hate that they yell. he disturbs me at work just to ask a quick question- he’s sorry to disturb me but it’s too late, I AM disturbed, and I’ve lost my flow, then he enters every room with a big sigh or worse, a dum Dee diddle, then doesn’t like the tv programme I’m enjoying. GRRRRRRRR

My Daughter and her 3 kids live with me and right now I'm struggling to pay all the bills I've told my daughter I really need her to help me and she always says she's broke. Her husband does not live with us and I talked to him today, I told Him that I'm angry at him and my daughter told him it's not right that I'm supporting his family He told me he gives my daughter money every month she told me he doesn't give her anything Im so frustrated and really need to vent if it was just my daughter living with me I would kick her out. I just worry about the kids.

IcyBee

I do sympathise with you.

The Dad needs to do more. If you daughter says he isn't paying she should go to the CSA.
She should also contact the local housing office to enquire about the rent and deposit scheme to help her privately rent.

Is she working? Even so she might be able to get housing benefit too up.

How old are the children? I ask because if school age please ask the school for help with uniform etc.

I know it's hard for you but what a great mum/Nan you are xx

I would sit down and budget with DD to see what she can afford.

does she work full time? the reality is she probably can afford to rent but might not like what she can afford.

if you helped out with wrap around care it might be more possible?

I live with my two adult daughters, but no grandchildren. It’s OK, they both pull their weight.

I’m sorry this happening your daughter should not be living with you if she can’t afford to contribute. She is taking the poss and treating you awfully.

you should ask her to leave and go to her husband.