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Original poster

8 week old unwell and I'm not coping

15 replies

Blanch7474 · 09/10/2023 17:48

Hi all. My 8 week old has hydronephrosis and currently has a stoma bag to drain his kidney before surgery next week. It's been tough as he's also had reflux which he is on omeprazole for.
He now has a kidney infection and has been put on antibiotics for a week and since he's been taking them his reflux is bad again, and he is non stop crying in what seems like stomach pain. His stools have been runny with mucus and he just seems generally unwell.

The issue is I'm not coping very well. My partner works full time and he's taken emergency holidays but can't keep doing that and I'm about to spend the rest of the week doing this on my own as my family don't live close and my friends all work. I'm terrified and anxious and I guess I just wonder if anyone else has dealt with a very upset baby alone when they're unwell and how did you cope?

Also any advice on how to soothe him (we can't do a bath as have to keep his stoma bag dry).

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TinyTeacher · 09/10/2023 19:24

Oh that sounds miserable! You poor thing.

Will he take a dummy at all? Some that helps a bit with the reflux, and even a small reduction in discomfort is good.

Is he soothed by movement? Are long pram walks with him tilted up a bit a possibility? Or you doing some slow dancing to music while you hold him? Distraction can be enormously helpful woth a poorly baby. It usually doesn't work long, but might buy you a bit of time.

Does he like lights? We had a little projecting disco ball thingy that rotated and would distract mine for a while at this age.

MissHoollie · 09/10/2023 19:27

Oh that sounds tough
What about a sling?
Have you been given Omeprazole for the reflux?
Tried milk protein free?
It's so so hard this stage without all the extra stuff too
Hope the op goes ok
Can you health viz help?

Dizzydeers · 09/10/2023 19:30

I know you are exhausted but what’s he like out in the pram? When mine were little I found it easier at times to be out walking rather than being at home.

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Flangeosaurus · 09/10/2023 19:32

I’d definitely be going for a loooong walk with him in the sling. Most refluxy babies feel better upright. Can you beg/borrow/buy a secondhand swing? DS always settled really well in his despite lactose intolerance and terrible reflux. Try and sleep as much as you can, even if it’s a 20 minute catnap on the sofa, everything feels more manageable when you’ve had a sleep. Don’t worry about the house, just prioritise your sleep and lots of walking with DS. Are your neighbours nice? Mine came over once on a particularly dreadful day and walked DS up and down the garden for an hour! Hope everything goes well with the op Flowers

Wineocloc · 09/10/2023 19:35

I’m so sorry to hear this! You poor things :(

Do the hospital have a mum and baby support group where you could have coffee with other mums? That might be one for later.

Have you tried baby massage, on maybe arms / legs, anywhere it’s not sore? Soothing music, nice sensory lights, going out for walks, singing.

Definirely a dummy and holding upright after feeds for about 20 mins

DanceMagicJumpMagic · 09/10/2023 19:40

I'm so sorry you're all going through this. Could you do a bit of skin to skin contact with him? I'm not sure if you can with his bag but that can calm babies down.
If you have any friends nearby ask if they can pop round even for an hour as it'll break the day up having someone to chat to.
Hope everything goes smoothly for baby's op Flowers

Pythonesque · 09/10/2023 20:13

Another potential source of support - someone to come round and help out, take the baby for a walk so you can sleep, or problem solve with you, or whatever - could be HomeStart.

Agree with talking to your health visitor and/or the hospital for other suggestions.

When my eldest was tiny my vicar put me in touch with another local mum which was enormously helpful.

And yes, best wishes for the op.

Dessertinthedesert · 09/10/2023 20:21

It’s very common for antibiotics to cause upset tummy and the mucus is part of this. How do you think he is doing now? Do you feel like he is getting better since antibiotics or are you worried about him specifically in relation to the infection or generally been unwell. I’m asking because if you’re concerned at all then get him checked out. The children’s doctor at our local A and E always says “If Mum’s worried then I’m worried”. No one is ever unhappy with checking out a young child especially a baby when then they’re health can change quickly and their not able to tell you what’s going on.

Muststopeating · 09/10/2023 20:25

I don't have specific advice except to say that in my experience the fear of doing something on your own is always worse than the reality of it.

It will be hard, but you will manage. It is truly amazing what mum's can do (especially on so little sleep), because ultimately they don't have any choice!

Lots of great practical advice above.

I really hope your little one gets better soon, you've had an incredibly hard start.

2chocolateoranges · 09/10/2023 20:27

Ds was quite an unsettled baby and a swing with music was a godsend, Ds’s favourite cd at the time was elvis. 2 songs and a screaming baby was asleep most days.

Sirzy · 09/10/2023 20:29

Do you have any family who can come and stay close by for a bit? Or local friends who can step in and help even if just to hold him while you get some sleep?

for practical advice have you tried Facebook groups for the condition? You may find parents who are further down the line.

don’t feel like you have to be a super hero, it’s shit when you have a poorly baby and it’s ok to admit that to people and accept help.

Lammveg · 09/10/2023 21:43

OP this sounds so hard. PPs have given good advice re helping baby, but if you can, try and do something you like to do, if baby is upset can you pop headphones in and go for a walk and listen to music/a podcast. Even do that in the house. If your child is upset regardless of what you do, just be close to them to soothe them but also allow yourself to disengage a little when it gets too much.

When your husband is home, make sure you get a decent break from the baby. Use that time to focus on yourself (earplugs if needed!)

Do bare minimum of housework etc. Oven dinners/takeaways.

You're doing great, even if it doesn't feel like it x

Original poster
Blanch7474 · 10/10/2023 17:31

We just got a projector for him and it's defo helping to keep him occupied! X

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Blanch7474 · 10/10/2023 17:34

Thank you all. We found out today he will lose his right kidney so its been very emotional although we know most people have a great life with only one kidney. All the advice has been taken on board and some put to practice today and it has been a better day. Hopefully the op on Monday will help resolve some of the other issues he has too.

I'm a grateful mumma for all the advice and words of support. X

OP posts:
DanceMagicJumpMagic · 10/10/2023 20:18

That must have been hard to hear. I hope you're ok, and little one will be too I'm sure. He's in the right hands x

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