4-5 year age gap between kids

[morag1234]

I have 2 little girls (aged 3 & 6)

A part of me absolutely doesn't want another kid, but every now and then I think what a great idea (even though I know it would be horrific).

If we did, there would potentially be a 4-5 year age gap. I have so far always fallen pregnant very quickly, but obviously you never know & it might not happen etc.

We are at the stage where youngest is nearly full time and school. Nursery fees are nearly over & I am just starting to get on top of the house again after 6 years of it being awful.

I know deep down that this is a terrible idea.
But say we do go for it - how did y

How did you find a 4-5 year age gap? I guess starting all over again isn't ideal? Did you find it hard in terms of the kids wanting to do different things?

I think there is a period of time where it's quite difficult with them wanting to do different things, but it doesn't last forever. Before too long the older ones get a bit more independence and are out doing their own thing anyway/or can be left at home dwelling in their teen pit while you do something with the younger one.

It's when you've got a 5/6/7 year old and and a 9/10/11 year old it's tricky. Before that and after that, not too bad.

I've got just over 4 years between my eldest and my boys.

In all honesty, I'd really recommend it as an age gap. My eldest was independent in all sorts of ways and never saw the boys as competition. I'm much more worried about the 3 year gap we're due this time!

However, you have a 6 year old. I'm just starting to find that 7 year old doesn't want to do the things that younger brothers do, or that I'll easily be able to do with baby when she arrives. So weekends will be a bit divide and conquer.... don't see much alone time/couple time in the next few years! So I guess it depends how you feel about that.

There’s a 6 year age gap between my 2 girls. I couldn’t have coped with 2 little ones at the same time so knew I was more suited to this. Each comes with pros and cons I think

I have 5 years 2 months between my boys and it's just perfect for us. I never wanted two close together.

I think that’s pretty normal. Similar age gap with all my friends with siblings. Have the same age gap with my sibling and we are so close, probably one of my best friends!!

4.5 between my eldest and my twins. T f he's quite young headed in many ways and we've maintained the stuff he did with me alone (groups, theatre) and the stuff we can all do together (park, coffee shop, soft play) and then integrated the twins where we can (panto, cinema). They fight but they also love each other

Different gaps work for different families. I’d never want kids so close together they fell in subsequent school years and wouldn’t be keen on 2 or more under 4 at the same time either. But it works perfectly for some families.

The DH has 3 siblings - the age gap between him (eldest) and his youngest sibling is 4.5 years and the MIL describes the ‘larger’ gap between the youngest and child 3 by saying it was because she had a miscarriage. It’s not much of a gap at all. They get on alright as a bunch of adults but are not close.

The gap between my bro and I was 7 years. We always got on and were close. We never felt competitive and there was none of that comparison type stuff at school.

Big gaps are good generally speaking

It was perfect for us. DD was at school so DS had plenty of one on one time and I could rest/nap when he did during the day.
They're 16 and 12 now and get on brilliantly and always have.

It's a common age gap around here (London), I guess because of the cost of childcare. Nationally the most common age gap is 3-4 years, so it's only a bit bigger than that.

Mine are almost 4 years apart. I like it because the eldest was in nursery by then, so the youngest got just as much focused attention as a baby with lots of bonding time, massage and sensory etc. She can do all the classes and groups that my eldest did, and I can supervise her properly in the playground and soft play and sit and read in the library with her one-to-one without having to turn around and dash after a bolting toddler. It's easier to focus on her individual needs while the eldest is at school. We manage days out and weekend activities as DH is around. Without another adult on hand it's trickier - eldest has weekend clubs, she wants to be in the older bit of the playground or soft play.

Nieces and nephews who are older with that age gap tend to live fairly separate lives especially once the eldest is a teen. A 15 year old won't have many common interests with a 10 year old, and lots of activities are divided by age.

I expect it would be a bit harder with 3 dc as the eldest could be 8? Then it will be harder to find activities that suit them all. I think at least with just 2 with a 5 year gap, one parent can take a child each. But then when the eldest is a lot older they will go off and do things by themselves, or spend more time doing clubs and camps and you might be left with just the two younger ones to look after.

My children were 4 and 6 when I had my youngest. It was actually a great age gap . They all had one year at primary together,socialised together even as young adults
Youngest very wise for his years .

Same age gap; and same findings.

Mine are 8 and 2. I personally think it’s fabulous. By the time my youngest came along, my eldest was naturally becoming more independent, so I didn’t feel pulled in two directions. Bedtimes are staggered so I can still give them both 1:1 attention before bed.

I think small age gap children can often end up with the eldest feeling a little put out, as a more typical age gap is 2-3 years and a kid of that age is still so reliant on their parents. I know I felt really put out when my sibling was born; there is two years between us.

Havent found finding things to do difficult so far - they don’t need to both enjoy every single thing we do, some things are more geared for the elder and some for the younger, but they can both enjoy things like beach trips/amusements/zoos/swimming/trampolines and so on. MY eldest secretly loves going to “younger” things like soft play with their sibling. At the end of the day though, we are a family and families compromise to meet each others needs. My takeaway of choice would not be McDonald’s and I’d rather not spend my Saturday afternoons in soft play, but I do them as other members of the family enjoy them (and they reluctantly traipse through garden centres with me!)

We do make sure each kid gets some 1:1 time with each of us a few times a week; so I might take my eldest out for a cake whilst my partner takes the wee one to a swing park, then we may switch and I’ll take the wee one to the library whilst my partner takes the big one swimming or whatever, then we do a family meal together. But tbh we did similar with 1:1 time when we only had one kid!