Convincing DH to have a 3rd baby

[Needaholi]

Has anyone successfully managed to convince their "absolute no" partners to try again and how did it work out?
Feeling like I want a 3rd. DH is not having any of it. I'm not sure he'll ever change his mind but here's hoping.

OP I sympathise. I desperately want number 3 but DH doesn’t. He hasn’t said ‘absolutely no’ as such. He said he would if we had a bigger house but that’s unlikely for a while. He’s also struggled with his mental health since having children so I have to accept that it wouldn’t be the right thing even though my heart aches wondering who this third extra person might be. Ultimately I think both parents have to be enthusiastic about having a third. Sorry, I know it’s not the advice you want.

I'm sorry, but the partner who says no trumps the one who says yes.

How old are the children you have?

You don't.

If he doesn’t want another kid he should get the snip.

You don’t. What an awful thing to be conspiring about behind his back. No, you don’t force a child onto someone or try to work out ways to convince them.

He doesn’t want one, you have two, stop it.

That’s a bit harsh. She’s not purposefully got pregnant and tricked him. Maybe she just needed to put her feelings out there even though she knows it won’t change. I hardly think she’s conspiring.

My friend's grandmother did - they had twins!

That’s not really how I read it but each to their own. To me I see a woman who desperately wants another baby and is reaching to see if anyone has been in her situation and it changed. If ‘no way’ partners have changed for others then it gives her hope that she may get the third baby she wants. Not a manipulation or planning an accidental pregnancy.

My DH wasn't 'no way' but he would happily have stopped at 2. He didn't see what a third would bring that the 2 we have didn't already bring. We talked about it pretty regularly for 2 years before he realised that my desire to have a third was stronger than his desire not to. I'm now pregnant with DC3 and he is more excited about than I am (my enthusiasm having been tempered by a very difficult pregnancy thus far!)

Mumsnet is always very critical of people in your position op - but I sympathise, it's ok to want him to change his mind when it's something you feel strongly about.

Writing your feelings down somewhere (often the only place you can without telling other people) is exactly what MN is good for. Can never understand why people always insist on trying to twist someone’s genuine feelings into awful things on here 🙄 Be as well just bottling everything up in that case

What you said to the OP is what's awful.

She made no suggestion that she would manipulate the situation.

She is upset because she wants another child and her husband doesn't, and she has acknowledged that he may never change his mind.

Why do you feel obliged to accuse and run her into the ground?!! Nasty.

I can't offer any real advice @Needaholi - we did have 3 DC but we were both on the same page about it (even though the bulk of the work became mine, needless to say) but I worried he would refuse to try again after two m/cs.

It's not an easy place to be. I feel for you.

I fear I’ll be in this situation. Number 2 hasn’t long arrived and I think my husband is finding it much more challenging than me (despite getting to escape to go to work when I don’t 😂)! It’s one of those things that I would rather know either way if this is it or not though. I keep telling myself to wait until #2 is about 3ish then revisit it but if it’s a no by then I will wish I’d just known from the start we were done. Such a tricky thing to know when enough kids is enough!

Hi OP I was in your position a year and half ago, had DS and DD and my DH didn’t want a third. Fast forward and I’m feeding my 3 week old right now. DS is 5.5 and DD is 3. We had many many discussions throughout the course of last year and eventually decided to see what happened. We did have a lot of chats and DH was mainly wanting to stick to what he knew and I promised to do the majority of the nights as sleep was another main factor. He’s an incredible dad and he adores the new addition so far it’s working out - well aware it will get stressful at times but I’m quite laid back and most of my friends have 3 or want 3 (v
common where we live) plus my brother has 4 so doesn’t seem like a big family to me.
good luck whatever you decide but it definitely can work out!

I'm not sure it's agood idea.

How much of a hands on parent is I with your current 2? If t doesn't feel he has any spare capacity, do you imagine him not helping with the 3rd? Or reducing what he does with the other 2?

Has anyone successfully managed to convince their "absolute no" partners to try again

If it is an absolute no, it is wrong to even try.

Thanks all.
Just to be clear I would never trick him or 'accidently' become pregnant or any of that nonsense. I do respect his decision and im happy with our two.... it's just this 3rd desire gnawing away at me. Our youngest is 2. DH has busy job. I pick up bulk of the childcare. Financially we're good. He likes the balance of 2 kids (we have one of each too). Also early 40s so he feels we're getting out of the baby days finally and no desire to go back there. All perfectly valid reasons. But still would love him to change his mind or be open to considering it.

Hi @Needaholi I know this thread is quite old but I came across this as I am in the exact situation…did your husband change his mind OP??