Can behaviours be learnt ?

[Kittykatastrophe]

Please don’t beat me up via the keyboard I genuinely know nothing on this subject - My teenage daughter has changed massively both in looks (cut all her hair off to chin length and has forsaken most of wardrobe) and behaviour . I’m not with her dad anymore since they were 6 and we have amicable custody of her and her older sister. Dad has moved on and remarried but his new wife seems ok and accepts them. She’s always seemed ok and generally unscathed by this . She’s recently got a new group of friends in school who seem like really nice kids. They are in the SEN group and have special support like being given time in quiet dark areas etc , not that that matters but she’s started to do things that she tells me they do. She suddenly has an aversion to certain foods and how they’re arranged on the plate and now gets really distressed in bright/noisy/busy environments but her anxieties are manageable at the min Her dad is going on at me saying I shouldn’t encourage her friendships and she’s copying them but Im now wondering if maybe she’s had these traits and sort of hidden them and now they’re coming out . If she’s got issues that she needs support with that’s fine I’ll do my utmost and don’t want to let her down but what if she is just copying. ?? Any suggestions is very very appreciated.

Neurodivergent people tend to flock together so she might have started being with these people because she feels like she can be herself with them. I wouldn't be too quick to dismiss her feelings.

Yes, very much so but also the onset of puberty can be very overwhelming and children who have masked ASD when they were younger can suddenly become overwhelmed. I would ask to speak to the senco at school and be very up front about your concerns.

If that the case , I feel so guilty for noticing ? Is it something I should have spotted before now ?

not noticing

A lot of my eldest DD's friends are part of the "neurodivergent" subculture. They are not autistic (at least, not to my knowledge) but they like to pretend they're quirky and different. I think it's because they're very geeky girls who feel like they have to try and adopt that kind of label to justify themselves or set themselves apart from the "cool popular kids"

Anxiety, obsessions and compulsions can present in very similar ways to ASD, is there something that could be bothering her? Sometimes kids don't feel they can tell their parents stuff (isn't necessarily a reflection on you, maybe she feels embarrassed or doesn't want to face it) and sometimes a seemingly happy child could be nurturing a hidden insecurity about something .

It's also possible that what happened when younger didn't affect her consciously then but now she getting older has brought some things up for her? Again,this isn't blaming you, but often difficult things that happen early in childhood and aren't processed at the time can lie dormant. Often kids won't act out but keep it in maybe they don't want to worry their parent(s) or feel by not making waves they will feel/be more secure ?