Husband doesn’t want a second child. Current child desperate for sibling. Heartbroken

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We’ve been together since we were kids and we’re in our 30s now. We have a 3 year old son. We’d always said we would have 2. Current child is very hard work and was a “hard baby” which is why my husband has decided against it. I don’t think he enjoys being a dad as much as he thought but he seems better the older our son gets. Having quality time as a couple is important to him, as it is me, so I do understand his concerns. But it doesn’t stop me feeling devastated. He’d been considering it recently and even asked our son if he’d like a sibling. Now it’s ALL our boy talks about, he asks me every day if there’s a baby in my tummy, and when he draws pictures of his family there’s a baby in it. Can you see why I’m distraught…. He would be the best big brother, he adores babies and always has! I’m gutted for him. And for me. But I don’t think my husband would cope anyway… has anyone else been through this heartache and does it pass?

If you truly want another child, the marriage has to terminate. You also have to make sure that your finances, residence, mental, emotional, and overall health is firstly in order. Also making sure you can handle 2 children perhaps by yourself.. that your oldest actually is okay with this still..The child has to either be concieved with someone else, by someone else, by science, or adopted.

You also have to consider the possibility that if you were to have another child, your oldest may regret having wanted a sibling. There is also the guarantee that the two wouldn't bond nor get along.

The heartbreak may pass, perhaps it won't.

Perhaps in time your existing child won't want a sibling anymore.

Respect your husband's wishes,
and you already feel like he wouldn't want another

Please do not intentionally plan another child by your husband, nor do so underhanded.

I really think ur son's interest in having a sibling is irrelevant

Does your husband see your son asking for a sibling? That must pull at the heart strings.

It's really hard because there isn't really a compromise but it's tough that he feels he has the veto.

Yep. It’s too late now but you should never ask a child if they want a sibling. You can never guarantee it and it just puts a lot of pressure on things.

Absolutely agree. The child is 3 and can not grasp what having a sibling will mean. You might as well ask him if he wants a pet lion while you're at it🙄

You, your husband and your marriage are the only considerations here.

This is such a hard situation. I wonder if he would consider the argument that life could actually be easier with 2 in some ways? Like you, our first dc was very hard work and so we were on the fence about a second. But they actually play together now and somehow the family dynamic seems easier than when it was just us and the one dc, even though there's more work with a second. If he's enjoying it more as your son grows I doubt this will be his position forever. It might just be a bigger age gap than you'd like

My husband wanted to stick at one and I was sad and resentful for a while...but actually I now firmly believe it was the best for our family. DS is now a teenager and loves being an only, and DH and I are really happy, as a couple and individually. What staggered me at the time was how many people told me I should just let an accident happen to get the second child I wanted!

I do find it odd that a 3 y.o is desperate for a sibling. Really?

Sounds like you are the who wants another child. Fair enough, but don't pass the buck on to your little son. Also, it's a big fat no if your DH doesn't want another child. BOTH parents HAVE to be on board.