Going from 1 child to 2 when eldest is more independent… to start again? Do you lose your “me” time?

[Cyeo123]

May sound selfish but sometimes I need a breather and we occasionally ask family to babysit our toddler so we can enjoy a long walk. Thinking this may be harder with 2. Just starting to feel like we are “getting our lives back” a bit as toddler has started pre-school and is much more independent. I’ve heard “one child fits into your life, two children become your life”… wondering if this is the case if there’s a biggish gap? To do it all again or not….

8yr gap between my two (also have Sk that are much older). Starting over was absolutely fine, didn’t phase either of us. Now 12 & 4. Not very much couple time in the last 4years but mainly due to the loss of a parent and the other grandparent don’t keep good health otherwise it would be different and they’d still manage a night should we need it.
I wouldn’t change the gap between them or change having them… kids are a blessing

18 month age gap here with my oldest having just turned two and the youngest is six months. Awful to start with but I’m finally getting the hang of two close in age and they are both in a decent routine now so actually have a fair bit of me time in the evenings and when they nap. Smaller gap is better in some ways - getting the sleepless nights out the way in a relatively short space of time. Joint interests as they are similar ages and will be just one school year between them. It’s been tough though for obvious reasons, although my friend has a four year gap between hers and she’s found it just as difficult but for different reasons.

Op has a toddler

Of course you have little spare time the more kids you have. How often do parents have time without their kids?

Yes definitely less me time and the children take over the house a bit but family support or childcare if available can help you carve out enough me time to stay sane. My DC spend hours playing together though too and our older DC a great support to each other. We go to the park and I can sit and relax as they’ll spend 2 hours playing some made up game together, yes do have to deal with occasional squabbles too. Basically, it’s more work, more expense (so we just do as many paid trips/holidays as perhaps one child family could afford) but is more fun too. That said, no guarantee sibling will get on together and I had a lot of time just with me and my parents as a child and remember them as very happy times

I agree it is a big jump. Interested to see pp who felt they recovered their own time around 3-4, for me it was when the youngest was around 7. I worked ft until then so it felt relentless and became easier when I went part time and got chance to do things during school hours. Also at this age they can occupy themselves which lifted a huge burden.

Another thing though is that each child do activities 3-4 days a week so with 2 we do end up running round activities every day!

I have just one and even as a single parent I have much more free time than all my friends that have two but are married.
They're 11 now but I became single parent when they were 5.
People don't mind watching one but my partner that has two (we don't live together) struggles to get anyone to want to watch two

I'm a one and done advocate after being told by so many people how mean I am for not giving them a friend 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
but each to their own!!

I love my free time and the Independence now they're a bit older

Two become your life. Have an 8 year gap, they consume me, people who used to babysit don’t want to with 2 and they both have different interests for the weekend.
that said I wouldn’t change a thing

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with stopping at one. Looking back I found the transition to parenthood really difficult and struggled with PND. But I never threw off my original plan which was to have two children. They both have SEN and it’s impossibly hard to juggle their conflicting needs, and find time for my own sanity.

Depends if you have much family support.

We don't have much, and have zero 'me' time (have a 1 year old and 4 year old). Occasionally do things with friends while DH has the kids, but it's not often, and never just me and DH.

Obviously having more kids will eat more into your me time. It gets better the older they get, as you've found with your first. If you want another id say go for it sooner, your age gap really wouldn't be that big and id say dont get too used to the me time then start all over again. We had a 3.5yo when our twins were born. They're now 1.5 and all play so well together and keep eachother entertained. I feel like I get alot of me time, a supportive partner and alot of family that luckily will still help us out. I wouldnt change it now, seeing my kids together is the best thing ever and makes up for being so busy. You'll have plenty of me time when they grow up so I say enjoy the madness before its all over. If anything, I found one child more challenging because she wanted me to do absolutely everything, I didnt get a minute to myself with her before, but now shes happy to play with her siblings and I can just sit and watch for a while