Anyone with 2 kids with 4 year gap? Is it hard? Are they close?

[LaceyLou42]

Our son turned 3 in May. Undecided about trying for a second. We always said we wanted 2 but we have left it a while and now we feel like we are getting our lives back a bit which is quite nice… rarely get any “us” time as it is, thinking this may be impossible with 2. There again the biggish gap may make life a bit easier? Would love to know how others have found a 4 year gap and what sexes they are and how they get along? Thanks.

My two dds have 4yrs minus 6 weeks between them. Currently 6 & nearly 10. They have their moments where they fall out but most of the time they get on. It's a nice gap and one I'm happy with. My eldest definitely looks out for her sister.

I do. Just over four year gap.

I had the same concerns but have been very lucky. My son loved his sister from the minute she came home.

Once she was big enough for her own cot he used to climb in first thing in the morning and chat to her while she giggled at him. He would sit and show her books and toys while she was in bouncy chair.

My mat leave was so much nicer for having my son around part of the time. He was at pre school on half days so it was best of both worlds and was company and help in terms of 'can you pass that nappy, wipes etc'.

The advantage of a 4 year old was that he could be reasonably trusted. Understood to be gentle, not to put toys in with her when tiny, to stand on pavement while I put baby in car etc.

They are now 10 and 6 and still best pals. They play together well and are super close.

It's total luck of the draw. I'd never have chosen the age gap but I couldn't ask for any more.

I have 4 years 9 months between DC1&2. And 4 years and 1 month between DC2&3.

It works for us. DS1 is now 9 and a half, DS2 is almost 5 and baby DD is 9 months.

Theres almost no sibling rivalry as they are that bit older to understand. They all get on so well. We wouldn’t have the age gap any other way.

I have almost 4.5 years between mine. Same sex. A mixed experience, to be honest.

Advantages: I got to go back and do the baby/toddler stage again, after we’d left it behind with DC1. DC1 was in school so have had quite a lot of time with DC2 just us (although Covid affected this). There’s enough of an age gap that they don’t compare their abilities. Have had a child at each stage for so long that I’m not sorry to move onto the next (see below).

Disadvantages: DC1 found it much harder to adapt to a sibling than I think he would have done if DC2 had arrived earlier. We went back to square one just as life was getting easier so each stage lasts forever, eg by the time DC2 starts school, I’ll have been at home with a baby/toddler/preschooler for about 9 years. The gap is too big for them to play together most of the time, and it’s difficult to find mutually acceptable shared activities.

I have 3y 11m between mine. They get along well, though there's definitely been conflict and rivalry despite the gap. DC2 is 18m and DC1 is 5, and DC1 needed time to adjust to not being the centre of attention as an only, and having another child in the house messing up her toy arrangements. They do adore each other and make each other laugh, and it's lovely when they find an activity that they both enjoy (sand play, swings, swimming and soft play all work really well). In time I expect they'll be able to enjoy more of the same things together, but at the moment there are more things that they can't do together - DC1 does lots of extracurricular stuff which DC2 is too young for, and DC2 does lots of toddler classes while DC1 is at school.

At weekends DH and I take turns with each DC as they have different needs and interests, even in the same place (eg different playground equipment, toddler area at soft play, funfair rides). In school holidays it was harder with just me looking after both dc and I end up having to ignore the older one for a bit (she often likes to have an adult to play games with her), as the toddler needs constant supervision.

I loved the baby/toddler years and I'm happy to be stretching it out with DC2 - she gets one to one attention heaped on her as DC1 did as a toddler (while DC1 is at school), which I think is better for her development than if we had a small age gap.

I do find it hard to understand how dcs with that age gap can be best friends and play together in future when they're at different stages - the younger one won't have the ability to join in so many things like board games for years, and especially for more formal activities with age restrictions, eg holiday camps, sports and clubs. But it might turn out that they have entirely different interests anyway.

5 year gap between my 2 girls. They adore each other and are great friends.

Gap meant DD1 could be really involved when her sister was a baby, and I was on mat leave for her first year of school.

Fantastic age gap imo. I have an almost 4 year gap between two of my children, they were close when young and remain close as adults. Different personalities too!

I have two siblings, a twin and older one with four year age gap and was always closer to him than my twin growing up. My husband is 5.5 years older than his brother and they've always been best friends.

Loads of people growing up around me had siblings with a 4 year age gap and I've never understood the obsession with smaller age gaps that seems to be on here. In my experience it's the childrens personality which usually determines whether they get on not an age gap.

3 years between brother and I, never been close.

Just over 4 years here and I had the same worries (still do sometimes) but so far it’s been perfect. DS2 was born just after DS1 started school so DS2 had lots of one on one time and DS1 dotes on his little brother. They’re now 2 and 6 and although the 2 year old can be annoying to the 6 year old, they love each other so much!

Just over 4 years between my eldest and her brothers. It worked amazingly for us! We had hoped for a smaller gap and we worried it would be too big and had just stopped trying when we found we were expecting.

It's been great so far (DD is 7 and DTwins about to turn 3). Eldest is quite independent and was established in her own interests and being separate from us. She was very happy at preschool so didn't feel she was missing out on time with me, and could do shorter days as I was on maternity leave. She could dress herself, was reliably able to take herself to the loo, and entertain herself when I was getting the boys down for a nap. Independent enough at bedtime that I could manage 3 on my own relatively early.

Id say we are just getting to the stage when they have different interests. When the boys were babies/toddlers they would happily go along with whatever eldest wanted. Now, she isn't quite so keen on soft play - she'll go occasiaonlly, but not keen on it quite so often. So that's something to manage. However, she's also now old enough to drop her at birthday parties etc without me staying most of the time, sothats when I take the boys to something they like. Holidays are novel enough that there's no issue with activities sofar.

We are expecting DC4 in a few weeks. 3 year age gap this time, which I know is very normal but I'm terribly nervous! My boys are not as independent... I'm certain 4 years is a much easier she gap!

DD loves her brothers enormously. With a larger age gap there's very little jealousy as they just spent competing for the same things. She was patient through the toddler stage in a way a younger child couldn't have been.

4 years is great! I highly recommend it!