Hi- looking for some advice really.
My LO is 4.5 months old and for the last 3-4 weeks has started to absolutely meltdown when anyone but me or her dad holds her.
She is a very happy baby most of the time and loves people, to the point of being so smiley and “talkative” in public I end up having to stop and talk to random strangers all the time (an introvert’s worst nightmare, but the things we do for our children, hey!)
Anyway, MIL absolutely adore her, and is desperate to babysit for us so we can have date nights etc. so this new behaviour is very upsetting. MIL has tried to act very calm and play with her at her level and not just reach out and pick her up, but nothing seems to work. To be clear LO will laugh with her and giggle and play, she will occasionally tolerate being fed too, but within a couple of minutes it’s an absolute meltdown, even when she’s calm, fed, awake and I gently pass her over (big, fat, heart breaking tears 😭). It’s also not just MIL, it’s everyone who holds her- friends and family alike.
I’ve tried Googling separation anxiety and fear of strangers etc. but everything suggests this starts at 8 months. I expected that it may be a problem when she has to go to nursery at 12 months when I go back to work, but it’s really tough to deal with when she’s so young. All the advice suggests telling them things like “I’ll be back after lunch” etc. but she’s not even 5 months old. She has zero concept of time or capacity to fully understand what she’s being told.
MIL lives about an hour away. I make the effort to go see her once a week, but I’m thinking maybe it needs to be more frequently so she can get used to her. That said, she lives too far away to realistically visit more regularly than that whilst I’m on maternity pay.
DP is starting to get annoyed because I’m missing two events that we’ve been invited to in the next few weeks, and to be clear if I knew LO wouldn’t be melting down I would happily leave her with a babysitter at this age for a few hours, and I have left her with DP with no worries as I know she’s fine with him, but there’s no way I can go to an event and enjoy myself knowing the absolute state she gets in (she’s INCONSOLABLE, and cannot be distracted).
My instinct is that she is too young to let get this upset with no good reason other than us wanting to socialise a bit more. I just feel this is a challenge to tackle in 6 months from now when she’s slightly more independent and starting to be mobile, and able to understand separation a little bit more (she can’t even sit up unassisted yet!).
Has anyone else experienced this this young, and what did you do? Am I best to trust my instincts and keep her either with me or DP until the trust with others builds, or just bite the bullet and just trust she’ll be okay if I leave her. Even writing this, I know she’ll be physically okay, but I’m not convinced emotionally this is the right thing for her.
Opinions from people who have had a baby with this problem around this age please.