feel annoyed at baby all the time

[struggling6853]

she’s 9 months old and i’m really struggling. she’s my second and this is awful i know but i don’t understand the whole ‘parents don’t have favourites’ thing. my oldest is my favourite by miles i have no connection to this baby other than the rare times when she is happy and calm.

i’m just so overstimulated by her. she cries and whinges all the time. she wants to be touching me all the time - but not held, if i hold her she grabs and claws at my face and neck and hair - i have to sit on the floor and let her clamber all over me. it makes my head spin i can’t deal with being touched all the time i hate hate hate it. she doesn’t sleep well so she’s in my bed which means i don’t sleep well myself because i’m worried i roll on her. she doesn’t eat, she doesn’t let me eat - she just cries and tries to climb out of her high chair every meal time. i’m struggling so much to bond with her. i’ve been diagnosed with ppd and ppa and start meds tomorrow but i feel so guilty. i wasn’t like this with my first i was absolutely obsessed with her and couldn’t find a single flaw in her, and now i’m spending 90% of my time being irritated by her sister and i feel so guilty for it. i just feel suffocated with all the touching and crying and stuff and feel like i’m constantly wishing for her to grow up.

and nobody understands. dh is in a mood with me i think because i’ve just snapped at her to get her hands off me because she was clawing my neck and shoving her fist down my mouth while having her bottle. i can’t live like this i just want to end it all i don’t feel cut out for motherhood anymore

Oh OP that sounds really tough.

I think in the short term you need sleep. Can you sleep in a different room, even for one night, and let your partner deal with her at night? You need uninterrupted, solid rest. Also deprivation makes everything so much more difficult to deal with.

You need respite from her. She's trying to connect with you with all the grabbing etc but I can see how you're feeling touched out. Again, I think your partner needs to step up and take over while you have a break on a regular basis. It's really not fair to be doing everything on your own.

Do you go out in the day to do things - play group etc, to let her burn off some steam? Do you have friends or family nearby who could come and play with her? When will she start nursery?

You're unwell and your partner needs to step in and care for the baby for a while so you can get better.

Are you on maternity leave? Can your husband take some parental leave?

I'd be ending the co-sleeping. We need sleep, baby neeeds sleep. She could be being disturbed by you during the night.

Are you willing to try her naps in her bedroom? It'll be hard to break the cycle but she'll eventually realise that sleep happens on her bedroom, not yours.