So sick of having to tell everyone how to function

[confusedlots]

So I'm feeling really rubbish with a cold and I know I am probably being particularly grumpy, but I am just exasperated today that no one in my family appears to be able to function without directions from me.

So the kids are only 5 and 7 so I can probably give them a bit more leeway, but this morning I said it was time to get in the car for school and 7 year old just stood there and didn't think that she might need to put her shoes on. So I asked her to get her shoes on and she did.

Then we all go out to the car and get in, apart from the 5 year old who just stands in the driveway distracted by some piece of Lego in his hand and I have to tell him that he needs to get in the car, which of course he does when asked.

Those are only 2 examples but there are countless more, and I am sick of hearing myself continually telling them what they need to do when most of it it obvious!

Then DH came home and I told him I was feeling rubbish, he dropped DD down to a club and I said I was getting a shower and getting ready for an early night. So he clearly knew he'd need to pick her up again. But then I was pottering about upstairs and realised he hadn't left to pick her up and I had to go and tell him that he needs to pick her up. Ok, I'll go now he said. But who knows what would have happened if I hadn't given him instructions.

Seriously is anyone else's family like this? I know some people will say to leave them to it and let them deal with the consequences but of course I couldn't have left my DD at the club after it finished in the dark if I knew DH hadn't gone to get her

This probably isn't something to tackle now when you're not feeling well, but once you're better deal with it.

Enable your children to think for themselves by slowly stepping back, encouraging them to problem solve for themselves. For example, don't tell your DD to put her shoes, presumably she wouldn't have walked down the road and got in and gone to school with no shoes on? It's a problem that she could have and would have solved without your intervention. Step back.

With your DH, have a chat about the mental load. If he's a good guy he'll step up and sort himself out. If he isn't then the mental load isn't really your main problem.

The children are 5 and 7. They are allowed.

Your DH is not. Time to expect more.

Yes I do usually try to encourage the kids to think for themselves, just couldn't be bothered this morning when I felt so rubbish.

I have tried to explain to DH before but he doesn't seem to get where I'm coming from. The thing is he is fantastic around the house, he can turn his hand to painting, plumbing, tiling etc and has done so much in renovating our house that I'd never be able to do. So I feel bad having a go at him, but I find it exhausting having to think of everything for 4 people!

My lot can tend towards the useless at times. I find having a mini meltdown and shrieking "I REFUSE TO DO THE THINKING FOR FOUR PEOPLE" helps!

It seems like you struggle to communicate. If you're the one to normally collect DD then it's just basic manners to say will you collect DD as I need to go to bed.

Your kids are at an age where yes they did still need instructions but they can certainly be encouraged to think about how to get themselves ready. I say to my 6 year it's time to go now, what do you think you need?

Perfect, think I'll keep this up my sleeve for when my throat is feeling better 🤣🤣

@EpitomeofEpiphany I don't think it's really a communication issue. I'm not always the one to pick her up, it will be either of us depending on what else is happening. I guess the difference tonight is I took myself upstairs to have a shower as I wasn't feeling well which he was aware of, whereas I'd normally be tidying up downstairs after dinner and keeping an eye on the time and reminding him to leave if it was him picking her up.

He did know he was picking her up, and surely sorting out the actual logistics of knowing what time to leave can be left to an adult to work out themselves.

Oh well, tired and grumpy me is in bed and maybe I'll be less tired and grumpy in the morning. Who knows what state the kitchen will be in though as I just left it in the hope that DH would work out for himself to put things in the dishwasher and turn it on. Guess I'll find that out in the morning!

Yes yes and 100 times YES . Same here...I am sick to death of telling my immediate family how to function. Even in my day job, I have to tell those who work underneath me how to do the most basic things. It's draining

@confusedlots I hope you have a good sleep and wake up refreshed.

I think this boils down to laziness (maybe not so much for a 5 year old, or any SEN). Outsourcing the boring stuff and leaving their own brains free to think of other things.
Your DH needs to be the other adult and not an extra child.
Tell them your brain is busy so they need to use their own.

Yes my DH is the same. As I was plating up today, he said, ‘where do you want to eat?’ I said ‘the dining table please’.

… I arrive at the table with the plates of hot food, ‘You haven’t laid the table?!’

‘Did you ask me to?!’

I could have hit him.

My DC - who are exactly the same ages as yours - are exactly the same. I was actually going to start a thread about the whole getting shoes on thing. I’ll come back ten minutes after asking DD to put her shoes on and she’ll be standing there examining a shell.

Tearing my hair out.

Yesterday my DP rang me in a panic about 10 mins before afterschool club shuts to ask where the car was as he wanted it to go get them. I always pick them up on a Tuesday and take them to a class and we were driving home.

I feel exhausted as well with remembering everything and never being sure if I can actually rely on him to do stuff. He does seem to really struggle with timings etc even for his own stuff though so maybe some kind of ND