Hi everyone I'm a 24yo and my "partner" is also 23yo. We have been together for 5 years and our lo is 3yo (4 in 4m). We moved in the new home 1 day before I was induced, that day he completley changed. This home was in the middle of every single one of his family members (his family is big) and miles away from my famimy which is just my nan, my sister who is a drug abuser, dad who has schizophrenia whom I don't have a strong relationship with, my auntie who is an alchaolic and my mum who abused me.
I got glimpses of the real him before, for example when I was heavily pregnant and in pain I was haveing to massage him, fetch him food etc but refusing any of those things for me. Ignoring me reaching out about issues, refusing to do anything I enjoyed etc
Once the baby come and we got back he ignored me worse than ever before. Refused ANY help with the baby or round the house, spent his entire convid and father leave on his game. Would purposefully be loud with his game friends to wake me up, knowing i was so sleep deprived I was hallucinating. I'd beg him for help and he'd refuse eye contact, laugh at me, mock my voice, bully me, put me on microphone to his game friends when he could and basicly laugh at me with them. When I was haveing contractions after the birth when everything fixes in to place , he was in the other room laughing at me super loud and mimicking my pain moans, calling me a liar and claiming its me just trying to get him to have lo. I couldn't shower, have ANY time to myself for YEARS only now I cam as she is older and i remove myself to a room for breathers and space.
He'd call me crazy, gaslight me, make messes on purpose and call it my job. Say I don't appreciate him and don't do enough, make bad comments about the food i made, say I don't do anything, I don't bring anything good to the house.
Maybe people will remeber me when I say he was the pee on floor partner, purposefully weeing a puddle on the floor and then telling me it doesn't exist and If it does its my job. He was and is vile to me. No affection, no love. The only thing he'd give me was grinding on me and pressuring me in to sex.. I just wasn't appreciating him If I pulled away. He'd even put lo on the cold shower floor if I took to long to wash (which became rare because of him) because he's busy on his game. I came home from shopping after only going twice in person and he'd left her in a poo filled nappy because he was waiting for me. I came down from wakeing up later than usual and she was so hungry, he didn't give her breakfast. When I tried greving my grandad he called me selfish for going to the other room then called me a physco for crying. Locked me out the house when I went in the garden for fresh air when I was sad. When I brought up how unfair and badly he was treating me, hed call me a liar and everything I said was in my head. Hed even smirk when I cried like he was enjoying the distress be was causing me by repeating myself and begging for him to see or hear me. Recently he told lo that mummy doesn't love you, care about u and such. I've had her crying to me asking why I don't love her and care. If she bumps herself he will go, its mummy faults she did that to you didn't she.
U get the vibe, I'm not mentioning everything but enough to gain an idea of the person he is.
I eventually reach out to his family after he's telling them about my "reactions" which were basicly him gaslghting me and lying and getting me to shout and plead for him to even give me eye contact, and he'd make out to everyone I was an attacker and horrible to him. I wanted wanted clear these thoughts and i also thought I trusted them and needed help with the abuse as I have no family around me. I basicly needed to reach out . All for them to tell me its me too, all I do is start arguments and hes has a long day at work etc. I went in to so much depth about everything he's done, jsut to be told I jeed help and don't relise how badly i come across and do by saying thise things about him. I told them I have ptsd from him, mil told me It's all in my head. I became so sad and complicit that I just didn't know what was reality anymore. I became complicit in everyones abuse towards me. Looking back mil was doing it too. All the messages I sent her reaching out for help, she'd lie and say i was attacking her and got her family to dislike me.
I went to a mansion family holiday house thing, there was around 15 adults and then a tone of kids and they were all asleep. because I stood up for myself to partner and said "no, u check on lo I've done it every day since she was born" as I truly just wanted to have a drink and finally relax...well that triggered many in the room. They were all shouting at me calling me a good for nothing mum, bring nothing to the table. Im struggling to keep up with the house rn due to the ptsd and mental issue HES caused me, so they use it Justifty everyway in which he's hurt me and shift blame on to me. They called me the abuser, me the liar, I just victimise myself, I control lo because I never let mil be the nana she wants, I bum of him and then I have the audacity to call him an abuser when all he's done is love us. Said Im a good for nothing mum.. everything sexist u can think off. If I tried to speak I'd be told to shut up. The only bad word I spoke was shouting fuk you after a while of it and mil storms in and gets in my face screaming, her body touching mine. She was so close I felt her breath. I was crying for the rest of the night and tried going outside for space, they called me a dickhead and an exagerator. One of the girls pulled partner away and lied and said I was planning on cheating etc like what is up with them all being pathological liars.
Everyone the next day said the way they put across their thoughts were wrong but stuck to what they said. Mil was annoyed because I caused drama on the family holiday and we should all just move onfa's it's everyone's fault. I tried to stick up for myself by saying I wasn't at fault, but this back firered obviously.
Mil also came in my bedroom because I didn't wanna leave and face everyone as it was the worst moment of my life, I felt so bullied, so lied about and misunderstood and felt all the pain I have expierinced from partner was invisible. no one cared. She told me I need to parent differently, that's its both of us, I come across rude and don't relise it, that I'm abusive and I'm blind to it. that I don't deserve to go out and see my friends as I pointed out id only seen them once in yrs because I was never allowed the opportunity him to go. She said me haveing fun isn't the same thing as him playing football and chasing his hobbies. She never once apologised either.. just re said everything but in a more explained way.
Come to now. It's been 6m since the holiday and 2 weeks ago I snapped back at mil. just for her to stir and lie, gaslight, call me crazy, tell me I need help, I'm the abuser, I control him etc I called her out on things she'd done in the past and she lies with all her being and fabricated stories to paint herself as just a helpful kind woman. She used all the kind things she has done like take me to appointments, drive me places as I can't drive, support us, buy us stuff as a means to paint me as attacking a kind woman who has just wanted to help. I brought up the holiday incident and she claims she apologised and never said the things she did to me in the bedroom. I brought up about how j reached out about his abuse and she gaslighted me and twisted it all, she said it is me and all in my head. All the lies she's spread about me to people never happened apparantly, her going around saying I was bad mouthing her mum who is dying of cancer apparantly never happened either despite getting vile messages from people regarding the things I apparantly said to him in text.. which can be proved I didn't say. I brought up her boundary stomping, ignoring my wishes as a parent.. everything. Apparantly she never did those things and has only been kind to me and respected my wishes.
Everyone in the town loves this family, yet it feels like I'm the only who sees them for who they are. no matter what truths I speak it all gets twisted and I'm made it as the attacker. They are bullies.
After lo has beeb going to mils every weekend on Sunday, this chat was is it for me. I've said, no more. I don't trust u so I won't give my child to someone I don't trust, I set my boundary and won't be walked on anymore. basicly she is messaging me saying I'm the controling one, I'm being selfish on lo and controlling her and partner is too afraid to go against me and bring lo to her after she asked "partner" to bring lo. That I control the house and he doesn't get a say in anything.. yh.
After everything ive told her, she knows I'm not lying but is hell bent on painting me as the abuser, refusing any ackloedgment in to his behaviour and her own. Makeing me feel as though it's me and acting so kind as she tells me her lies, then calling me the person because Im being rude and attacking her.
Only thing I can say Is lo loves her and loves going around as they play a lot together, she has crossed boundaries but is someone who is very good with lo. In a way I feel bad for not letting lo round ad she doesn't understand and shouldn't be in the middle, but at the same time how is it right for someone to treat me so poorly and then expect to come pick up my child every weekend?
"Partner" is going to lo, mummy won't let u go to nanas, she is being horrible, she is that and that. Saying if lo says she's wants to go, then I am a horrible mum for stopping her.
I will be leaving soon, he will come home one day and my things will be gone. I've been treated so badly by them and yet none of them will ackloedge any of it and keep asking and saying the same things. why are u doing this to me, I never gave u any reason to not trust me, after all I've done for u and u treat us this way, ur a horrible person uve shown ur true colors etc
I'm so tisrd, after years of abuse from "partner" this whole times it was her too and I was blind to it. Now im the bad guy in everyones story around me. I set a boundary and I'm this monster separating my child from family.