Not want to have another DC because of how hard my 22 months old is

[RunKeith]

Really the title. I was planning to have another DC soon but my DS who is 22 months old has been becoming quite difficult to manage. He never seems to listen to anything I tell him to do, has been constantly sick catching bugs from nursery and there are no respite days other than the days when he is at nursery thats when I am working. DH helps with looking after but no family around to help.

All of the above is really putting me off having another DC. I am mid 30s so not a long time left for me to decide.

All of that is pretty normal for his age you see and won't last forever. There are ways to get him on side but expecting him to do what you tell him at all times is unrealistic right now or ever But if you don't want to have to go through it again, of course it's your decision to not have another. As it happened in my case, tho we didn't have the bugs, my second dc was a walk in the park as a baby/toddler and I was 100x more laid back and confident anyway.

Parenthood is hard, I have two and it's definitely challenging. My two are 3.5 years apart and think if they were any closer in age I would have struggled more. Older DS was potty trained, going to nursery and able to play alone when DD arrived which made life a lot easier. Maybe give yourself until the new year to make a decision. I love my two but at the moment life would have been a lot less stressful with just DS (who was a terror at 2 but became so much easier by 3). I have a lot of guilt for the time I don't get to spend with DS at the moment but he loves his sister and he is so good at playing and entertaining her and I know as she gets older it will be better for them to have each other to play with on holidays and days out

@Tiredandstressedmum thank you 😊 your response has really helped me to calm down a bit as I feel overwhelmed ATM. I hope things get better with us as well and may be we can expand our family. Lovely to hear about your DC ♥️

The second one just falls into the routine, also you get to have maternity leave off and be with both of them before school starts which is great.

You could travel for a bit if you wanted to. When they start school its really hard to travel because its so bloody expensive.

Op I actually think it is really sensible for you to be consider if having a second is the right thing for you,
or for you right now. I know people who had a second and it made their life easier - kids get on, oldest enjoys helping with the baby etc. I’ve also known people who had second and struggled even more if the children’s needs clashed or if the second baby was difficult/needy.

Do you want a second op? I wasn’t clear from your op if you don’t know if you want a second, but feel you should because it was “the plan” or if you do want a second but are scared about how difficult it might be.

@Embarrassednamechangeadoddle I want another DC. My friends keep insisting sooner the better as I am 34 but I can't fathom looking after 2 under 3s with all the tantrums. I work full time as well

I feel 3.5 years age gap will be better so first DC would be able to talk and be nappy free.

We had a 3.5 yr gap too. It was definitely far easier and a pleasanter experience than for friends who had 2 close together. DC1 was in nursery, so I had lots of lovely bonding time with DC2 on my mat leave and lots of dedicated baby classes all over again, massage and sensory and music. DC1 could go to toilet, feed and change herself and play independently so I could focus more in the baby.

It's slightly harder now they're older and DC1 is too old for under-5s activities and DH and I have to take a DC each sometimes because they're at different stages. But I think it will even out when older. No sibling rivalry and DC1 is too old for tantrums.

3 years 2 months between mine. No way would I have considered another when DS1 was under 2 but that changed very quickly not long after he turned 2. Mostly because he was sleeping better. There are obviously pros and cons to every gap but 2 close together wouldn't have been for us. Personally, I prefer the slightly bigger gap for lots of practical reasons rather than the 2ish years which feels more popular where I am. My 2 have a wonderful bond too.

Having a child is a leap of faith as you never know how its going to turn out. You could starting TTC now and get pregnant this month or in a years time. Your older child could be easy now and difficult then, or difficult now and easy on 6 months time. The new baby might be easy going or a difficult baby.You have absolutely no way of knowing.

If you want to just concentrate on your current child for now... do that. If you want a second child now.. go for it. Mid thirties isn't late these days, its more difficult in early 40s but its definitely not a given it would be difficult.

Just stick to one.