Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

Am I over reacting?

18 replies

Edellondon · 30/09/2023 22:50

My parents were minding DS who is 4 years old today, when I collected him they told me DS was helping them light candles. They were allowing DS to use a fire clicker thing to produce a flame to then light the candle. DS thought this was really fun but it's made me angry. I'm annoyed they are allowing him to not only handle something that can produce a flame but also to think playing with fire is fun. I'm going to have a talk with them tomorrow but want other people's opinions on this?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Sorrento79 · 30/09/2023 23:20

A little bit over reaction i think. It probably was quite fun and properly supervised very minimal danger.

mondaytosunday · 30/09/2023 23:24

He wasn't playing though, he was helping them do a task under supervision. I'd be ok with it.

junebirthdaygirl · 30/09/2023 23:29

It's a bit tricky as he might try it at home now he has the hang of it. But dc love doing jobs for their GPS and feel very grown up being allowed to help. So l would go easy on your parents although it's not something l would in a million years allow my gd to do.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

4 year olds Families General parenting

MaryJanesonabreak · 30/09/2023 23:29

I did this with my grandson every week when he was four. He loved it. He helped set the table and chose the candles and then he lit them with the clicker. Then he would hand me the clicker and I would put it away. It was a simple beautiful thing. He’s sixteen now and has never shown any interest in becoming an arsonist. He loves laying a table though 😀

SupportAnimalShelters · 30/09/2023 23:31

As long as he understands fire is only to be used under adult supervision, I wouldn't worry about it. It's not playing with fire to be lighting candles under supervision.

theysaiditgetseasier · 30/09/2023 23:36

Do you not trust your parents? It's fine and no need to "have a talk" unless you don't think he is safe with them. He lit candles under supervision, you are over reacting.

larkstar · 01/10/2023 00:49

Over reaction IMHO.

thecatinthetwat · 01/10/2023 00:51

I think it’s fine honestly.

Tourmalines · 01/10/2023 01:48

That’s a big over reaction . As a matter of fact they are educating him about the proper and safe use of a clicker lighter and fire . They are not leaving it out for him to play with . I’m guessing you won’t leave one out for him to get a hold of at your place either, so should be no problem there. I wouldn’t say a thing to the parents . Uncalled for .

MintJulia · 01/10/2023 03:24

It's fine. He has learned about fire. As long as you teach him that fire is dangerous, hot, can burn, then it's all part of the learning experience.

If you have a firelighter at home, just make sure it is out of sight & out of reach. Which I'm sure you do anyway.

WandaWonder · 01/10/2023 04:40

I would be totally fine

CurlewKate · 01/10/2023 04:55

What are you going to say? "Please don't let your grandson learn anything new when he's with you-I don't trust you."

Mangotango39 · 01/10/2023 04:59

That would be a non-issue for me

AegonT · 01/10/2023 07:22

When DD was just turned 5 we were in lockdown 1 and trying to home educate her. We knew she was missing forest school so we did some activities in the garden including a fire pit and ways to make fire. He's 4 not a toddler; I sure they would have also explained you only use the lighter when a grownup is closely supervising

Original poster

Edellondon · 01/10/2023 09:41

Thanks for the responses - I haven't said anything to my parents yet, think I was just a bit shocked with seeing him using the fire lighter. I do trust my parents though they sometimes do things I don't agree with or go against what I say to DS- he'll ask for chocolate and I'll say no then 2 mins later they give it to him. I'll have a chat to DS with them to emphasis the safety aspect

OP posts:

smallshinybutton · 01/10/2023 09:50

Or they were teaching him safely

PureAmazonian · 01/10/2023 09:52

He's been taught, by adults, how to use fire responsibly. I don't see the problem.

BoardTopChair · 01/10/2023 10:40

Lighting candles under supervision is fine, along with keeping the candles well out of his reach.

sometimes do things I don't agree with or go against what I say to DS- he'll ask for chocolate and I'll say no then 2 mins later they give it to him

This is your biggest issue, you need to tell them that you are the parent, you have said no to your child and he is not having the chocolate. If they undermine your parenting in front of you, imagine what they might do when you are not there. You need to nip this in the bud now. We had this with FIL, MIL was absolutely wonderful but FIL was like my house, my rules so we just stopped taking Ds round (it involved a safety issue so was very dangerous but was part of a whole host of undermining us as parents) and we had tried to talk to him and he basically said he wasn't discussing it. Dh said well Ds is my son so we just won't be visiting anymore. It was all sorted out but it meant they never had Ds alone again because we couldn't trust them and FIL learned to keep his opinions to himself, MIL was totally on our side but FIL was a bit bullish in attitude. He has mellowed over the years and we have a great relationship with him but we had to draw a line in the sand.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread