Stuck breastfeeding and had enough

[SaysSheWithThe80sPerm]

My DD is 8 months old now and still exclusively breastfed. Weaning is going ok but she still needs plenty of milk.
Quite honestly I am exhausted and would love to cut down on breastfeeding now but I just don't know how.
She is feeding countless times over night and neither of us are getting quality sleep.
She will not take formula, she has twice taken an Oz of expressed milk but I cannot build up a stash by pumping.

Does anybody have any suggestions?

I'm at the end of my tether with exhaustion and to top it all off I've just found out I'm 4 weeks pregnant 😞

Put the formula in a sippy cup instead of a bottle.

At 8 months your baby will still need milk more than solid food. My little girl is nearly 1 and has slowed down on milk now she has 3 meals plus snacks. It will slow down. But unless she will drink formula you do need to keep breastfeeding her.
maybe try cup feeding milk see if they take it that way.

How much is she feeding during the day? Is she taking on a lot of milk at night or just comfort feeding.

I stopped feeding at night at 6/7 months but continued with bf until 24 months. I closed the milk bar at night, I need to sleep properly.

I was exhausted at 11 months and decided to stop. But we stopped night feeds way before that. As long as they were getting enough in the day time I didn't feel the need to continue at night.

It did require DH to get up at night to offer water though, as they would not have accepted that if they could sense that milk was near.

The Facebook group "breastfeeding yummy mummies" is a really good place to ask. You can also post anonymously. They have trained people on there to offer advice too

The feeding during the night sounds like a habit rather than a need.

If she's eating and drinking enough during the day she should be sleeping through now.

Is she in her own room?

This really isn't accurate, of course 8month olds still need to feed during the night, for both emotional and nutrituonal reasons! And many babies don't sleep through for at least the first year.Night weaning is not generally recommended under 12mths.

But OP, that does sound hard! Breastfeeding is wonderful but can feel like abit of a trap at times can't it (saying that as a feeder of DD1 for 3.5 years and DD2 for nearly 2 and still going.I night weaned DD1 at 2yo.DD2 is going to be harder to do as early I think, but luckily sleeps marginally better, so can cope.

8mo I think will be easier, but still never going to be easy.All you can do is settle her (ideally your partner, if you have one) offering lots of comfort, cuddles, water and formula/expressed breast milk, and hope that eventually she calms down and gradually becomes used to the change.Some say that doing a gradual decline in amount of minutes you feed her for can help...also try to transition the comfort object....does she have a dummy/muslin/Teddy etc? Or a tshirt that smells of you.

Is she in her own room? I found mine slept more when they were not with me.

At 8 months old she still needs f fledging at night but there are things you can do like making sure you have lots of physical contact during the day and feed her often. If you're not working I'd be offering every 2 hours.

That's exactly what I was going to say. I put my eldest onto a bottle when she was 1, and created another rod for my own back when she wouldn't give it up!

Youngest nightfed up to 22 months and I was back at work FT when they were 10 months. Several times a night too. I have no idea how I kept my sanity!!

Fascinating how the advice Chang’s over the years. The book we were given recommended that babies be encouraged to sleep through from around 12 weeks and the HVs got very stroppy with mums who had not transitioned to 3 hourly daytime feeds around that time.

Our reality didn’t match this but a largish bottle of warm formula fed by Dad and with him doing the putting to bed from 6 months did. I think you will find it eases off as weaning takes off. Try and be out and about offer a sippy cup not BF and then try the cup at night

@Mummyof287 countless feeds at 8 months old is not needed and is very much a habit. (90% of babies are ready to sleep through the night at 6 months old: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5440010/)

At the very most OP one feed is all she needs, and even this she should be weaned off soon.

I would do the following:

• Have little one is in her own room at night.
• Ensure she has three meals a day
• Plenty to drink milk wise too
• Ignore whinges/crying for milk at night

It may take a couple of days to get her used to the new routine but it would be easier to night wean now, rather than later.

Good quality undisrupted sleep is so incredibly important for you both. Good luck!

Also be aware that there may be times in your pregnancy when breastfeeding feels particularly irritating as your breasts change with the pregnancy. I had times when I was feeding very little when I was pregnant but did keep going. It was worth it as tandem feeding when my second was here made it so much easier to manage two little ones.
As an alternative to moving your baby into her own room you could co-sleep if you don’t already. I know some people don’t get on with it but it saved me as meant I hardly woke up when I fed him.

Thank you all for your replies.
I know DD still needs plenty of milk so it's the refusing formula which is making me feel trapped breastfeeding. Of course I will continue to do it to ensure she gets what she needs, if it's the only option.

To answer a few questions:

I have always fed on demand therefore DD isn't in any sort of milk routine. She is feeding less in the day I'd say but is perhaps making up for it at night? I give her 3 meals a day and she eats between 5 to 10 spoonfuls so not a huge amount. Or so it seems to me, but maybe I'm wrong about an 8 month portion size.

She is not in her own room and won't be for another couple of months until we move to a bigger place (we're in the process of buying)
She has never slept through the night. We currently co sleep and I'm wondering if this is not helping the hourly night feeding /latching on for comfort.

Perhaps it time for some sleep training.

She takes water from a cup so I'll start offering daily formula from one and perhaps in time she'll get used to it

I'll check out the FB group, thank you

I honestly wouldn't mind continuing with a night feed if it was just one proper feed.

I have loved breastfeeding and deep down I don't fully want it to end just yet, I just want it to be less at night and for the option of formula as well

join that FB page mentioned earlier- lots of support there.
I think great advice is to start layering comfort- so when she feeds give her a specific cuddly toy or play white noise or something she then associates with the comfort of feeding. Gradually attempt to then give her that comfort rather than the boob- or at least offer that. Lots of people also suggest not letting her Go to sleep while feeding- so unlatch and pop in the cuddly toy or switch on the white noise then shush or pat to sleep. Then she may settle on next wakening by shushing or patting alone. I say “people suggest” as I never managed myself. Mine were boob monsters overnight and it was rubbish but it did pass… but my grown up daughter managed to BF her wee one til 2 but night weaned by 12 months using this layers (white noise was her thing) trick.

Sleep training was the best thing I ever did. If you are going to do it, I would do it soon… I think the older the baby is, the harder it is for everyone. And then you just wait till they get better by themselves several years later.

We still fed at night when we started sleep training, but had set intervals. For example we started off with 2 feeds.

If DS woke before 11pm, no feed. If he woke after, then he’d get a feed. And then the same a few hours later. You can decide what timings suit you of course, but the aim is to go for a longer set period between feeds.

I think what your baby is eating is a lot. At 8 months we were still just having breakfast and dinner as she didn’t want lunch just milk.

it could also just be a growth spurt which is why she is feeding more at a night.

I still feed on demand so some days are more some are less. Sometimes I feel completely touched out and it’s hard to know you have to keep going.
We co-sleep now so it’s easier for me to get better sleep, especially now I’m back at work. It’s not for everyone but possibly an option after a wake up if you are too tired.

FWIW my first baby was bottle fed and still wanted multiple feeds in the night. You could consider a complete stop to all breast feeds from say 10pm to 7am and get your partner to offer formula in a cup or bottle if she is hungry between those times. It would have to be your partner though…and be prepared for sore breasts for a few days while they adjust.

But you are forgetting the 'emotional needs' of a here- the closeness to her mum, cuddles and comfort, especially for a baby who is used to co-sleeping and breastfeeding.

That article didn't work, so can't see the content, but there is no 'one size fits all for babies' and they often know what they need more than we do! It may not be what fits in for us, but doesn't mean it's not a valid need. Ignoring her cries for attention is unfair, and I doubt would work anyway... I know my little one would just ramp it up with the crying until I went to settle her!

It's all very well saying 'give her 3 meals a day' but many babies still only pick at food for the first year, so wouldn't be getting 3 square meals in them at that age and still rely heavily on milk throughout the course of a 24hr day, and also can find it especially comforting if ill teething, often preferring it compared to having food.

OP, my firstborn hated being in her own room, in the cot, but wasn't up for having her in the bed all the time- firstly because of safety, secondly because of space and thirdly because she would want to be latched onto me all night long! So we went for a 'halfway house' and put the cot with the side off up against to our bed (rolled up towels to push down the far side) that way she was still close to us, but in her own space.We did this til she was 18mths and went in a toddler bed.
Might be worth a try?

I had this exact problem and was a mess by 8 months. At 9 months I put baby in his own room and night weaned him. No more night feeds at all. It was a tough 2-3 days but then he slept through the night and has slept through the night ever since. With second I found it mentally easier a I knew at 9 months he would go in his own room and I would sleep again! It's really hard but it honestly saved my sanity and both my children are really good sleepers now.