When does newborn life get easier?

[Helpineedsomebody23]

I'm really struggling. FTM, mum to 4 week old baby. When does it get easier? When will we get more sleep? He's formula fed as my milk didn't come in. I feel so anxious every day.

I'm sorry you're struggling. It's a shock to the system becoming a mummy.

What exactly do you feel anxious about? The lack of sleep?

I wouldn't say it gets easier, parenting just gets different. You will get more sleep eventually. My first didn't sleep and was up a lot for the first year, my second slept better from around 6 weeks. It's very child dependent and I hope you get some longer stretches soon.

Take it easy on yourself. Sleeplessness is normal. Try to establish a routine or make notes about when your baby likes to eat and nap. Sleep when your baby sleeps. Ask for help with cleaning etc. Get a baby carrier and go out for walks. Join a playgroup.

3 months I found, had no idea what I was doing to start with. Routine helped.

Around 6-8 weeks i started feeling a bit more settled, i remember at 4 week's wondering what i had done!

Hi, I remember the beginning being just a whirlwind of exhaustion and anxiety, but things do calm down. I can't really put my finger on when things got easier as such, but as time goes on you find your rhythm/routine and the days sort of flow a little easier and at some point I started to feel less like I was in survival mode and life kind of got on track. Sleep I can't really comment on because all babies are different. My toddler isn't a phenomenal sleeper now but it is far from the hellish exhaustion of the first few weeks. I'd say do whatever you can to get a chunk of decent sleep. Do you have a spare room? Could you split/alternate nights getting up with the baby with your partner? We did this in the beginning and honestly it really helped. Be kind to yourself, it's really early days and you're finding your feet. Have you got anyone to talk to in real life? Don't bottle your feelings up. x

6 weeks it started improving, 3 months it was way better. Hang in there, you're still right in the thick of it!

12 weeks.

If you want a specific! But it gets incrementally easier all the time, with the odd blip.

Congratulations on your baby.

Matrescence is hard. Newborn life is hard. Are you getting much help? Do you have a supportive partner and any other family around you? It helps for someone else to take the baby for a decent walk in the pram so you can have a moment to yourself. Cup of tea, nice shower, and a sleep.

And to add, it doesn’t just get easier OP, it gets good! Really good!

I remember this feeling! It's a massive shock to the system.

I found once a routine was in place, approx 3
month, I knew who I was and where I was.

Do you have support?
Do you go for a walk everyday?
In the early days I forced myself to go out for a coffee or even 20 mins round the block. It helped.

Everyone told me 3 months. I'll be honest I didn't start to find it easier until around 6 months. My son is now 10 months and generally I find it so much easier!

6 weeks then 12 weeks then 24 weeks.
You can do it.

For now, hand baby to your other half an try and get some extra sleep if you can. Ask him to take your baby out for 2 hours and just go and sleep.

At 12 weeks but I couldn't necessarily tell at the time. By 6m there was a significant improvement and looking back I could see it had been improving from 3m.
By 9m life was good and I wish I'd known it would be like that at 4 weeks pp
I'd have cried a lot less.

It will be okay and it will get better.
Genuinely do sleep when the baby sleeps and try and get out for a walk if you can each day.
Baby classes just made me feel like a failure as I was late or missed at least 50% but I know a lot of people whought they were life savers.

11 weeks my son started to sleep through. In his own room and routine helped. X

It gets a lot easier (in my experience) when they start smiling and interacting at around 6-8 weeks, then steadily better as they start developing their own little personalities. Hang on in there!

Incrementally better all the time (but hard to see as it's happening!), but for my first, the last time I said 'if I'd have known what it was like, I'd not have done it' was 12 weeks, so definitely hugely better from then - it's so tough and you're doing amazingly, better than you think you are!

How do you spend your days OP? Personally, I survive the newborn days by keeping busy, whether it be going on long walks, meeting friends for coffee/cake, going to baby groups. This helped keep me sane and pulled me out of the temptation to sit and fester on the sofa (which I did do occasionally). I couldn’t face long days at home without adult conversation. Days I spent at home always made me feel more anxious and miserable.

If you don’t see an improvement in your mood soon please reach out to your GP - or discuss it at the 6-8 week check.

For me it got better at 6 weeks, then better again at ~10 weeks, then 3 months etc etc. You might not notice it at the time but you will look back and feel how much everything gets easier! I started baby classes at 3 months and that changed everything, I had a reason to go out each day, routine, met other mums and felt like myself again.

Around three or four months IME, when they started sleeping through and I outsourced some of it and went back to work.

Same!! I spent a lot of time missing life before the baby.

My baby is 12 weeks now - I think back to 8 weeks ago, it was wild. I had no idea what I was doing, I was sore after labour, hormonal, anxious, knackered - the lot. Things do feel more settled now, but it still has its moments! Now I try to see the tough times that my baby and I have got through, together, as little wins. Take it in your stride and be kind to yourself 🧡

I found the first year on maternity leave the hardest. Her dad was useless though although we moved back into my mums. He made it worse but this last year has been the nicest and I can just see it getting better. My girl is almost 2 x

Around 10-12 weeks for me then it was amazing! Got our evenings back and bigger chunks of sleep.

At 12 weeks but I couldn't necessarily tell at the time. By 6m there was a significant improvement and looking back I could see it had been improving from 3m

Agree with all of this. It’s not a sudden overnight change, just one day you’ll realise it’s a ton easier and you aren’t quite sure how, why or when, but it’s easier and that’s all that matters.

I found things settled at about 8/9 weeks. Baby started to put himself into more of a routine around 8 weeks and that's when night wakes reduced and became more predictable. Until then, it was all a bit of a blur and we were just existing in a cycle of feed, change nappy, settle then start all over again. By 12 weeks we were down to one night wake and I felt more human again and by almost six months, sleep and nap routines are established, we sleep well and things run more smoothly.

Yes to the PP who said pass the baby to dad and go to sleep. My husband used to do the early morning feed then take baby out a walk with the dog and I slept until I was needed again. If you can, aim to get out each day, even just for a short walk.

There were plenty days that I just didn't make it out the house despite best efforts and I'd cry because I'd missed a class or visiting my mum (still happens - we have a reflux and CMPA baby so lots of sick and trial and error with medication). I honestly wish I'd not let the newborn phase stress me out as much as it did and that I'd embraced it with cuddles on the couch, lots of snacks and a good box set rather than try to plan (and fail) most days but it's difficult when you're in the thick of it and you're trying to do everything. It feels like the sleep deprivation will never end but soon the balance will shift, it'll get a little easier and you'll have more good days than bad before you know it.

Aww sending you a hug. I’m 6 weeks in with baby #2 so I feel a lot less anxious this time and have had a bit more headspace to just deal with the practical things this time and get through it. For me last time I found it came in two stages. After 6 weeks I found that we were starting to get into a bit of a routine and as long as I stayed up late for a feed before midnight, he would sleep through the night (well til 6). Then at 3 months there was another big step forward when he stopped wanting the feed at 11:30 and would just go to bed at bed time and sleep til the morning. They need less and less from you as time goes on and give you more and more. There was another little tricky bit at 6 months I found when there were just extra ‘jobs’ getting added in. Suddenly you were having to give them food as well as milk and also brush their teeth 🤯 You couldn’t really go anywhere at meal times because everything had to be steamed/blended/organic/salt free etc 🙄 I think this time I’ll be a lot more chilled about that bit and would probably just take a ready made sachet or something if need be

Took about six months for things to become more manageable, up to that point it was just a sleep deprived haze.

There's a real improvement of sleep around 9 weeks, it's not always long lived but it's a lovely welcome break, I've seen it in both of my kids, and many friends and Facebook groups have reported similar.
So you have that to look forward to!
There's also usually a real reduction in crying by 12 weeks if they're are a big cryer.
In the mean time try take advantage of the fact that you're formula feeding so you can delegate and see who you can rope in for a bit of a break!
What does get slightly harder as they get older (and more aware) is how much they want YOU specifically, so while they're probably happy for snuggles from anyone I would take your moment and get some respite to recharge batteries and clear you're head if you're a bit overwhelmed.
Sending hugs x